Expensive Date
I went out with my girlfriend and asked her,
"Why is it everytime I go out with you, I end upspending hundreds of dollars?"
"Because I'm a prostitute."

Reliable Boss
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies.

"I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

Lord, please be with me today. I was able to live through all that misery yesterday. And I will be able to make it through anything today! But please.... DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER!!!!!