so i will be getting married this year..both our family had dinner to discuss the wedding.. i have one important question/situation. we wanted to give the bride's family 10 table for the wedding as we plan to do it together regardless where we do..my parents being honest stated one of the place we plan to have the wedding and the table gonna cost around 2.5k per table (but this is not confirm we might go for lower value)..but the bride's parents wants to add 5 tables on their own since they will need 15 tables in total.. but after the disccusion dinner (2 days later) they says that they want 12 tables from us instead.. but we could not fulfill it as we already give what we can which could come to cost about 25k.. normally the dowry i heard from friends is between 6k to 10k in klang valley if they do not give tables.. so now the bride's side know the table cost 25k in value.. they instead ask for 25k as dowry then they will held the wedding separely..both me and my fiancee wants to have it together but my fiancee parents seems to want to held separately for now..so do you guys think i should give 25k or just follow market rate if they want to hled separately?

was busy through out the month..now update time for future reference for others...

1)1st negotiation... i have to agree that we cant be disrespectful to the bride side by reducing a whole lot of amount... me and my wife actual plan is for me to give 10 tables regardless of which restaurant/hotel we will hold our reception and i will give another angpau to her mother.... so as above they requested 12 tables (this is actually said by my wife) because her parents actually requested for 15 which will bring the amount from planned 25k to 37.5k.. my parents do not agree with the 12 tables even..they are ok with 10 tables...

2) 2nd negotiation...wife mum complain that if i give 10 tables they cant afford to add on the 5 tables, so i told them that if i already give you 10 tables, they need add on 5 tables will be 12.5k and since they will be keeping the ang pau i told them if each guest give RM100 (lowest rate in kl i guess) you will receive 15k which is more than enough to cover the 5 tables with 2.5k extra..she still does not seem happy but she did not say anything.. my wife is not happy with her mum (because she really want us to do together and thinks that it is actually reasonable) (dont forget i will give angpau as well on top of these tables)


3) 3rd negotiation.. so her mum decided to hold the reception separately instead on a cheaper restaurant... she ask the 10 tables i suppose to give to convert to cash 25k for her straight then she will settle all.. well as me and my wife decided earlier that 10 tables regardless where, i did not agree with her mum... so i told her we will do the same concept i will be giving u 10 tables regardless the price of the table for my wife side reception.. if she choose 1288 table i will pay for the 10 tables, if she choose 2k table i will pay 20k.. thank god she agree with it with persuasion from my wife and my detail explanation to her.. to be clear shes not in for the money but apparently there are inputs from outsider (her mum's friend) telling the mum that other people wedding give 70k dowry aso no bising should call your son in law give u the 25k... so FINALLY settle... they decided to go with the 1288 table but my parents and i decided to give a total 18888 to them..


tips & lessons that maybe you guys could use for future..
1) be very patient..
2) elders after getting inputs from outsider will have different view or request back to no.1 patient!!! explain to them
3) communicate with your wife 1st before holding any meetings/negotiations between parents (this helps alot as both me and my wife do not have any big arguments/disagreements on the problems as we already know what we able to give and whats the request)
4) IMPORTANT!!! do not tell everything your in law told you to ur parents vice versa (reduce misunderstandings and negative views on each other) FILTER!!!


thank god my parents will be covering the dinner cost as i would not be afford to host a table of 2.5k.. if its for me i would just hold it in chinese restaurant (lower cost hopefully ang pau can help) but due to our business nature, my parents would like to have a better reception (in hotel) other costs will be on me...things are getting more expensive these days from what me and my wife surveyed 2 years ago... so far with 80% things about to done/booked we are kinda in a tight budget but manageable.. from our prediction we will need to cut off certain things to ensure we stay within budget...

might have to work part time during the night HAHAHAHAHA!!!

if any of you need any info or contacts, i dont mind helping out (without charge) just sharing informations

haha yes but at least its settle! thanks

haha yes agreed words is the strongest weapon.. so yes im kinda preparing for the actual day in advance.. hopefully less hiccups la cant expect no hiccups hahahaha... just be ready...doing it in KL and doing in hotel cost alot more..now having headache on decoration.. its not cheap..everything is expensive nowadays... my wife side dont wan roast pig though..

so i just consulted and engage a male bride's chaperone (dai kam kung).. as i know there is a few other things to bring example oranges and apple... if u are engaging on bride's chaperone they should help to settle this..

This one really depending on your in laws.. well like my situation i planned to give 10 tables in the end the discussion goes the other way...me and my fiance are good with whateva im giving but not the in-laws..there will be alot input going into ur in-laws ear from those (3 ku 6 po)...if u get what i mean.. anyhow be patient and you can consult here..haha they do help..