Ok.. I will delete it after I get some recommendation.
I'm that I don't know by doing this is not good.
Thanks for reminding me

well, from now on, you should have prepare for plan B and C if plan A failed, prepare for the worst , acknowledge that sometime ,something will be out of your range of control. example :  raining, you cant control when it raining start, but you can always prepare for it, take an umbrella.

failure is the mother of success, so dont be afraid of failing , the more you failed, the more you will understanding the problem and eventually you can find a solution to it.

temporary blaming urself is fine, but after that you still need to find the solution for ur problem.

the way you describe your parent kinda make me feel like they're not a good parent, but thats okay, you just have to ignore them, dont let their negativity affect you.

hater gonna hate, you cant control how people view about you, so ,stop care about their judgement, it is you, you're the only one that is true to yourself, and it is only you that you should mainly accounted for.

apart from all the above mentally works, you still have to eat well, sleep well, a healthy soul can only be maintain by a healthy body, if you interesting in some diet advise, i think i can give u some, only if you're interested. ( i dont like to waste my time typing then only to be ignored by the person)

Infront of the others, I'm a very happy and positive person. All those emotions that I mentioned earlier is all when I'm alone. So no one know if I'm okay or not. No one knows I'm like that. But I know that is not a good sign is not a good habit to have, that's I'm here to seek help.
I can be very okay but can be very not okay in a sudden
And this never happen to me last time when similar situation happen.

Oh ya, you remind me. I do feel my heartbeat faster, which I think is normal because when somebody is angry or panic, their heartbeat will beats faster. However, in the same time I will feel nausea, keep like wanted to throw out when I'm nervous or worried, especially when my heart beats faster. Hand shanking, sometimes but I didn't really think it happens often. And one main concern is my chest will feel sudden pain(just a small area of the chest. Not left chest tho, so I don't think is related to heart) which last for a few seconds. To explain the feeling will be mild electrical shot. Chest pain problem had started since about a year ago

I did went for check up regarding on my chest pain issue. Everything is fine, the doctor gave me some medicine but the pain still come back.
And yea, I speak to my best friend, and I'm glad that my friend is really supportive.
Thanks Alvin~ you are nice