Oh man...Its 130am. Tomorrow need to go to church.

There's always this one guy sitting in the same pew with me every Sunday.

He never say hello. Maybe he's shy. We just nodded our head. I think he's tongue tied. hahaha...

Hey, you edit your post after I went to sleep.

You trolled me earlier. So you know how to tag.
Are you a Christian? Yeah, did your parents object to your change of religion? Did they throw objects at you?
Nani? Malaysian sure got a lot of weird language.

I only know nano.

If that is so, then why after confessing sin to God through Jesus, I still feel guilty?

I just had a mamak sesssion with a fellow brother last night, we both agreed that the churches in Malaysia are suffering from an epidemic.

You see, its not wrong for the church to want to its followers to serve but its too over focus on the theme. To make matters worse, my church is always focusing the sermon of guilt....its about not enough, you need to bring in more money, you need to spend more time, this and that. No wonder every time I go to church, I just feel so worn out. Even the usherers don't give a warm smile as you enter the church. What happened to caring for one another? What happen to serving out of love? What happen to accountability for one another? What happen tot he spirit of brotherhood? What happen to friendships?

I give you one example, a brother in his 50s was giving so much of his time and money to the church, he gave everything until he had nothing left. And then he made one bad decision, he lost all his money....when we went back to the church to ask for advice, they could only pray for him, and hope for an overnight solution. Where's the accountability? If you are a pastor of the church, you know so many influential members in the church, won't you help this dude who has gave so much of his time and money to the church, to find employment, to ask the other people? No, he had to go other people to beg for a job.

You guys would think that the church has many late 30s and 40s single guys, this is one gang I can relate to? Wrong. Every one of them are insecure, self righteous, egoistical, unfriendly and guarded. I tried to call out these guys for a drink or make friends with them, only to be replied with rudeness. I won't go into so deeply about what happened, all i can say is I encountered a lot of bad vibes from them. They always think I am in competition with them, so they won't even help me into their ministry even when i ask them if i could help. There was one time i overheard about a ministry, a young dude was organizing, he was recruiting people at the church, so he ask his friends if they could join. I overheard...i express my interest in joining...the dude was very unhappy. So i called him again a week later and asked him about the progress, he fakely replied to me that he was considering. Later...he and I were involve in organizing a christian conference at the church...so I ended up sitting at his table of friends. As I was about to sit, his group of friends snided at me, they all talked as if I wasn't there "This dude want to join our gang, haha, he don't belong to us, he is too old"....then I try to have a friendly conversation with them, they all pretended not to talk to me. So i was happy to continue talking despite them ignoring me. So after the conference ended...I walked alone back to the car park, and as i was walking..this dude ran towards me, and then extended his hand to shake my hand. He apologized to me for the way he and his friends behaved...then he proceeded to pray with me, in which he repented for his sin. I was so happy and relieved that he had such a good heart. MOnths later, he never invited me to his ministry. Sheesh, so much for genuine repentence.

And then there was a whole lot of stories as I spoke to my friend and we both had many examples we encountered. Everybody at the church was serving out of their own whims and fancies. They were deluded. They claim to serve God but in actual sense they serve their own desires. Some of them even think, the more they serve the more they deserve recognition and positions. As i said I won't reveal examples but all i can say is, we both encountered a lot of politics, double standards and favortisms. People who serve out of love of Jesus, would not do these kind of things and crush other christians. Whenever i go to this church, I never see the face of Jesus reflecting of out these people, because of the words they say to me, are really nasty. I can say, I've once being backstabbed as a divorcee. Yeah, people behind my back called me a divorcee, I don't know where these kind of rumours came from. I am never married..but some self righteous people at church spread these kind of lies about me.

Then the furious pace of expansion for the church have left many burned out. From top down, they try to pass the guilt that the congregation not doing enough, not enough money, not enough time, etc. Cg leaders been forced to become Yes Man, indoctrinate the members with repeated messages of "please join the ministry". Those that don't get obstrasized. Other pastors who don't ascribe to the lead pastor's goals, are slowly asked to leave or sacked. They also pass down unrealistic time tables for training of new leaders and cell expansions. Of course, they are smart enough not to reveal the true statistics of how many cgs fail and collapse. I've even seen new cg leaders being raised but the way they handled crisis within their cg, really no comment. Again I would not divulge too much info here.

Well to cut long story short, me and my friend and his wife, we all agreed to make a pack to leave the church. But we still remain loyal to our cg leader...this church i been serving since 2006. He mention to me one church nearby, smaller has a different approach and doctrine from the mega church we been attending.

Gist of the story here is this, if we don't look inward and improve our maturity in Christ, there is not much point in going out there to make disciples of other nations. The whole church is suffering from this epidemic, many people who are not fit for ministry because they haven't cured their own hurts and their own egos are entering them just to hurt more people. And we just can't put out an unrealistic time table (like Obama instructing US troops to pull of out of Iraq - only for ISIS to fill the vacuum) to train new leaders with a bad curriculum.

I just think without the love of Jesus in every believer's heart....there is no point in serving. Because right now, people are serving for their own self interest and delude themselves into thinking their serving God. If you can't reflect Jesus's compassion and love, while you are serving, but say nasty stuff to people, play politics and favourtism, remove people whom you think are not Yes Man, then obviously you are serving yourself.

Thats why i say we have to look inward for Jesus before we say anything about serving

bro yao,

wat's tis guy's (Samuel Organnesyant)  track record again? 

prophet mahhhh!!!!

on another note, string theory guy, they fired up the CERn collider on the day of the solar eclipse. was it yesterday? 

kononnya nk bukak portal to another dimension 

Its not about bitterness. Its about whether you feel like you are growing in that church. I been with that church for 8 years. I don't hate that church, its just that every time i go for their service, I feel dreary, I feel tired, I feel drained and I feel lonely. I don't feel like i am growing there.

Its just serve serve and serve but the people serving shows no love and no compassion of Jesus.

why are you bother to take care of him? you already reached out to him many times but he does not accept it, so let him be in his own fantasy

Or I would just ask them, "Hey dude, is this an illegal church coz I'm gonna bust some @ss if it is. Then I'll run.." 

Aren't we all messed up one way or another?

Haven't I displayed enough messed myself? But does that mean I disqualify myself from God? No.

That is why we need Grace so that we understand what it means not to judge and forgive others.

Even for great atrocity and evil  that others have committed and that pains us, we just commit this pain to God and pray for wisdom in what's the next step to take.

Doesn't mean what happens in this world should stop our walk with God.

I understand.

We feel violated.
And there are no answers except to run to God and trust Him to sort the mess out.

Job had everything stripped from him, in a sense it was worse than rape.
Yet he responded by worshipping God.

Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly. (‭Job‬ ‭1‬:‭20-22‬ KJV)

in your position I will get together with fellow Christians to pray and worship. Cry too. It helps with the healing process.

Pray for the victims, even for the violaters. Because the real enemy is not them.

Never let the anger cloud our minds to the true situation. That the enemy is using this to try destroy the church.

My prayers are with you.

UW amen.

I must admit that I used to have a lot of angst when I don't 'hear' God in a literal sense like the folks in my church. I felt that He loved them more than me.

Any reason why they want to renounce their faith?

What happened?

Probably someon he knows wanting to leave

Would you like to share your story here?

Most times airing it out helps clear our head and sometimes our heart.

The least we can do is pray together with you.

Why?

It's a phase everyone goes through, I was very much introvert during my teenage years/young adult.

Always conscious of myself, comparing myself, how come others are just so outspoken while I can't even get people to notice me.
But it's a suicidal road to take.

As Christians we must learn to look away from self and look to Christ. Why?

If we Keep on looking at ourselves, we become withdrawn. The thing about self is that it's very selfish in nature, a kind of spiraling down bondage.
But if we keep on Looking to Christ, hearing and believing what He has to say about us, not that's a divine perspective that liberates us. For example, knowing that we are the apple of God's eye, being completely love and forgiven, able to do wonderful thing through the strength of God's grace, etc. Many bountiful words from the Lord, really...

As in the meaning knowing his truth shall set us free.

Free from what? Free from all these negative cycle.

In a group conversation, when everyone talks  I just remained quiet.

Am I introvert enough?