May 19 2014, 05:11 PM
QUOTE(katoboi88 @ May 14 2014, 12:28 AM)
hey guys, im not sure if this is the right place for me to post, please let me know if i should move the topic somewhere else.
anyway, I have a problem, im not sure how long has it been but it is getting worse.
for the past several years, ive been having some suicidal thoughts, very vivid and on some episodes, i would even plan on how it would happen.
but all the suicidal thoughts would only last for at most one day, and the next day I would feel all OK.
but recently, the suicidal thoughts have been occurring more often, and it is getting worse, and it has become abit physical
There are some days that I would literally have to punch walls just to get rid of the thoughts.
everything I see, I would see it as one of the ways I can commit suicide. for example, when im on a balcony, Ill get an urge to jump off it.
The thing is, im scared that one day i might just do it spontaneously.
apart of me does not want to commit suicide, but the other part wants it so bad and lately the idea of committing suicide seems to be a very viable option
I guess what im asking from u guys, is that what can I do and what should I do? I know I should not commit suicide, but I am slowly starting to believe that suicide is a good option.
Just in case u guys need abit more information about me.
26 years old
graduated top of the class
comes from a good functional family
financially doing pretty decent
single
I have no intimacy issues (as far as i know)
working for an MNC company
Things Ive tried:
-Listing all the positive things in my life
-Positive thinking
-picked up a hobby (didnt turned out so well)
Dear TS, hope all's well with you. anyway, I have a problem, im not sure how long has it been but it is getting worse.
for the past several years, ive been having some suicidal thoughts, very vivid and on some episodes, i would even plan on how it would happen.
but all the suicidal thoughts would only last for at most one day, and the next day I would feel all OK.
but recently, the suicidal thoughts have been occurring more often, and it is getting worse, and it has become abit physical
There are some days that I would literally have to punch walls just to get rid of the thoughts.
everything I see, I would see it as one of the ways I can commit suicide. for example, when im on a balcony, Ill get an urge to jump off it.
The thing is, im scared that one day i might just do it spontaneously.
apart of me does not want to commit suicide, but the other part wants it so bad and lately the idea of committing suicide seems to be a very viable option
I guess what im asking from u guys, is that what can I do and what should I do? I know I should not commit suicide, but I am slowly starting to believe that suicide is a good option.
Just in case u guys need abit more information about me.
26 years old
graduated top of the class
comes from a good functional family
financially doing pretty decent
single
I have no intimacy issues (as far as i know)
working for an MNC company
Things Ive tried:
-Listing all the positive things in my life
-Positive thinking
-picked up a hobby (didnt turned out so well)
It's good that you are aware and is actively seeking help regarding your state of mind.
Depression have different effects on people, some can stand it, others cant. Looking at your post, I cant infer much, but perhaps you are lacking the sense of achievement / appreciation in what you do, and that can take a toll on someone. Maybe by surrounding yourself with positive, like-minded people will help u have a sense of belonging / achievement and make you feel happier and more content.
If all else fails, I would highly recommend that you seek a qualified professional to help u in this matter.
Personally speaking, I've had some friends who were suffering in similar ways like you, they can't quite pinpoint whats bothering them but its always there at the back of their minds. But one thing I can see is that they delayed getting their treatment, and when they finally do, you can really see a visible change in their life/outlook to things.
Hope this helps, have a good Monday afternoon!
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