hey guys, im not sure if this is the right place for me to post, please let me know if i should move the topic somewhere else.

anyway, I have a problem, im not sure how long has it been but it is getting worse.

for the past several years, ive been having some suicidal thoughts, very vivid and on some episodes, i would even plan on how it would happen.

but all the suicidal thoughts would only last for at most one day, and the next day I would feel all OK.

but recently, the suicidal thoughts have been occurring more often, and it is getting worse, and it has become abit physical
There are some days that I would literally have to punch walls just to get rid of the thoughts.
everything I see, I would see it as one of the ways I can commit suicide. for example, when im on a balcony, Ill get an urge to jump off it.

The thing is, im scared that one day i might just do it spontaneously.

apart of me does not want to commit suicide, but the other part wants it so bad and lately the idea of committing suicide seems to be a very viable option

I guess what im asking from u guys, is that what can I do and what should I do? I know I should not commit suicide, but I am slowly starting to believe that suicide is a good option.

Just in case u guys need abit more information about me.

26 years old
graduated top of the class
comes from a good functional family
financially doing pretty decent
single
I have no intimacy issues (as far as i know)
working for an MNC company

Things Ive tried:

-Listing all the positive things in my life
-Positive thinking
-picked up a hobby (didnt turned out so well)

you may be depressed. have you seen a doctor about this?

Get a partner in your life. Might help. Please dont go to 14th floor

kinda, went to see a general practitioner because I had food poisoning, but I did ask the doctor about the whole suicidal thoughts, but the doctor said I should not dwell in it. im not sure if my case is severe enough. ive tried doing some research and read some self-help books, but none of it seems to work.
If I were to see a doctor, which doctor should I go.? should I see the GP first, or straight go see a psychologist.?

I have consider that I might be depressed, but I just cant figure out why. everything is going pretty OK in my life, but I still feel like this.

This post has been edited by katoboi88: May 14 2014, 12:54 AM

trying not to. dont worry about 14th floor, because I live on the 18th floor *just a joke*

Do you have fear that you might not be living up to the expectation ? Hence the thoughts ?

Have you tried calling befrienders?

http://www.befrienders.org/directory?country=MY

This post has been edited by ketnave: May 14 2014, 12:55 AM

was having a pretty bad episode about an hour ago, and i called befrienders for the first time but no asnwer, which is why I came here.

Depression is not a state of mind. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain.

A GP could refer you to a psychologist. You should ask.

How about trying out sports? Swimming, Basketball, Futsal can be good activities that can make use of ur time and maybe make u spend less time thinking about ur suicidal thought.

And also sports makes u more healthy too, it'll drive u mentally to the right path.

I used to play sports, and I had to stop due to injuries, tried again but a different sport, but it only lasted for few months.

Maybe I should go see a doctor.

Then how about sumthin dat requires more brain power. Like picking up Sudoku, Minesweeper. Nowadays android and ios many of these addictive games that needs u to focus and use a lot of ur brain power. Then maybe it'll draw u away from the suicidal thoughts.

ooo. yes. haha. sudoku is good. being doing that for years, but it is only like a temporary relief, thats the problem. I think its time for me end the whole suicidal thoughts for good, just trying to figure how, and what should i do.

Gosh ... sorry to hear that ... well, there are good people here, so stay for a while

Try this game http://gabrielecirulli.github.io/2048/

Fun and easy

judging by ur info, it seems ur life is good. Why the suicidal thought?

Maybe u can search youtube for Nick Vujicic's video for some inspiration on life.

thanks for the positive feedback. as this very moment, Im honestly feeling fine like no suicidal thoughts, im just worried when it comes again, but for the time being, LYN is calming me down.

Keep it that way ... think happy thoughts

that's the thing. Ive been trying to figure out why im having these thoughts. Ive tried listing down all the good things in my life, and I am grateful for all the positive things, but I still feel like this.
one thing I realized is that the negative thoughts come when something bad happens to me. for example, I reach the office late.

This post has been edited by katoboi88: May 14 2014, 01:24 AM

I highly recommend it.