hey guys, im not sure if this is the right place for me to post, please let me know if i should move the topic somewhere else.

anyway, I have a problem, im not sure how long has it been but it is getting worse.

for the past several years, ive been having some suicidal thoughts, very vivid and on some episodes, i would even plan on how it would happen.

but all the suicidal thoughts would only last for at most one day, and the next day I would feel all OK.

but recently, the suicidal thoughts have been occurring more often, and it is getting worse, and it has become abit physical
There are some days that I would literally have to punch walls just to get rid of the thoughts.
everything I see, I would see it as one of the ways I can commit suicide. for example, when im on a balcony, Ill get an urge to jump off it.

The thing is, im scared that one day i might just do it spontaneously.

apart of me does not want to commit suicide, but the other part wants it so bad and lately the idea of committing suicide seems to be a very viable option

I guess what im asking from u guys, is that what can I do and what should I do? I know I should not commit suicide, but I am slowly starting to believe that suicide is a good option.

Just in case u guys need abit more information about me.

26 years old
graduated top of the class
comes from a good functional family
financially doing pretty decent
single
I have no intimacy issues (as far as i know)
working for an MNC company

Things Ive tried:

-Listing all the positive things in my life
-Positive thinking
-picked up a hobby (didnt turned out so well)