Hi ik3da,

Personally I don't think it's categorized as idolatry depending on your intentions. By offering, do you mean your wife has a stone tablet in your home where she offers incense/offerings on a daily basis?

I understand your dilemma, and I had a hard time dealing with this at one point of time as well. While I don't practice daily offerings, etc., I still do visit my dead ancestors gravesite during Cheng Beng to clean up. I just help to clean the place and offer a joss stick as a sign of respect to my grandfather, not forgetting to mention, it's a Chinese culture thing (Westerners offer flowers/candles, we Chinese offer joss sticks). Either way, it's just a sign of respect. And that's it! Anything else other than that(listed below) I don't do:
1) Asking for lottery numbers
2) Asking for blessings and protection, etc.
3) Tossing the coins to "ask" if the spirit is done eating
4) Eating/Using the offers (food, etc.)
5) Offer meals for the spirit
6) Burn paper offerings (Well I do throw stuff in the fire but........my intentions are not too offer, I just do this to play with fire )
7) Stick a joss stick at the "Earth God's/Hades and all other deities" altar for my relatives "protection/blessing wtv"

But this is just me, you are free to make a choice of your own just as long as your intentions are clear. It helps if you pray and ask for guidance. If you did it and feel that it is seriously wrong, ask for forgiveness from God and speak to your wife about how you are not comfortable with it. Pretty sure things will work out eventually.

Yes. I opened up an account just to reply to some queries here. Hoping to help out some freshies....also...slacking off at work

Dude,

Regarding your OCD, I've got no say in that. Pray for a miracle cure? Anywaay, your addiction to porno.....I'm glad you actually brought up this topic because every single freaking church will just say that it's a sin and one ought to stop and pray yadee yadaaa blablabla...and yet, never have I come across a pastor/elder/leader who actually gave a effect-on-life point of view or rather a rational/mental ways to stop, only spiritual and by that it means "you go to hell because you watch porn, so STOP. Just pray and case closed". So really, thanks for your honesty.

While I can't really help you out here, I suppose I can help you pinpoint a few things that could help you with your bad habits. First of all, I am guessing you are in between 16-23 years old dude and still a student. I would say it's quite normal especially when you're at that age......and single.


Of course I have more to say but first let me ask you these few questions:
1) What is YOUR OWN personal opinion of sex before marriage? Is it okay to have one night stands? What about couples who are madly in love? (I don't want to hear repeated stuff from your pastor or stuff you have read, I want YOUR VERY OWN opinion)
2) Do you approve of it especially with all your friends and everyone else you know doing it? It is so normal and a huge achievement that you're a sad pathetic loser if you're still virgin? Would you be like everyone else, just for the sake of not being called a loser?
3) Do you intend to get married some day?

Good to know you have your own principles. Be sure to stick to them. There can be times when relying on bible verses and prayers won't be enough, so having your own principles will really help. Remember that "the flesh is weak". My hubby recommends distracting yourself whenever you feel the urge by doing something that will really occupy your mind and requires focus, such as playing an intense game, read a fav book, talk to your parents, call up a close friend and have a meaningful discussion, go for a workout/run, as long as it keeps you focus long enough to rid the urge. Yes, it's the wife replying you this time, he's too busy with work and feels bad he can't reply you directly so I'm doing so on his behalf if you don't mind
So whatever you read here will be his and her opinions, the best of both worlds about a habit that be rather self destructive.

Now, the worst thing about porn is it doesn't affect you presently, but it affects your future. Think about your wife, I assume you are reserving yourself for her, because you already love her even though you haven't met her? Remember, honor your wife. If you love God, love your wife, if you love her, honor her.

Now how does it affect your future? Well, you will probably end up going for physical features when looking for a partner in the future and not emotional/intellectual features. Even if you can coax yourself to go for the latter features, when you're married and it's time to get to "know" her you won't be able to feel the feeling of fulfillment or satisfaction, like as if she is not enough. Why? Because she does not have the body of your ideal pornstar, therefore you find her unattractive. In the long run, this can really run your marriage to the ground especially when there are so many external influencing factors out there.

Secondly, watching porn is sort of like a visual training. The more you watch it, the more you will want to try out the nonsense you see in it. At this rate, you might even break your precious principles and when that's done, there's no going back. Somethings, once lost, is forever gone. FYI, all that stuff you see is fake, think about it. He hasn't even touched her and she's already moaning away. I remember watching it in uni once back with some of my friends (I'm a psychology major, we were doing research and yes, really research, not "research" ) and the first question I asked myself "Why is she so noisy? The guy didn't even do anything..." Some people find porn disgusting and disturbing, I find it stupid.

It sets a fake (and incredibly low) standard about how girls react. You try any of that you learned in porn in the future and you're going to have a bad time. You lose your own sense of originality and end up just copying the nonsense you see.

So if you really want to stop, think about your future. Is that 5 minutes of lust satisfaction worth a lifetime of regret? and it wont just be your own, your wife will be affected by it as well. She would feel insecure about her physical appearance and end up doing things that she may regret eventually.

That's about all I have to say, hope it helps. There's a pretty good movie that depicts the life of most men out there and it's called Don Jon. Check it out