Of course it won't do.
Girls want to feel important.
Write something longer or quirky or funny or if you cant do funny, try sounding a lil more sincere.

'I know that you might just dismiss my request but please give me a chance and you won't regret it for sure.'

'give me 5 mins.' then you go on introducing urself using the most interesting approach.

hmm...wasn't aware of that o.o
i guess u can use other ways of saying hi then?
if there is a limit in characters for the greeting,
then the best bet will be to put an awesome pic of urself
if u hav an awesome pic,it's hard to go wrong in getting attention hahaah

or maybe you should search for a date elsewhere...love classifieds or sth?