from my mail

Just Passing Through
> A Sikh was on his way to Khalsa Club when he
> decided to take a short-cut through somebody's
> garden. The Owner comes out angrily shouting : Hey, do
> you know you are trespassing?
> Sikh answered : No, I'm Jaspar Singh
>

Letter to Boss

Dear ( put your boss name ),
I'm sure you're aware about the recent news of petrol price hike and increase of BLR.

I, hereby, would like to inform you that from today onwards, I'm gonna spend 4 - 6 more extra hours per week at the office and claim for that 'inconvenience'. ( this is only applicable for those who can claim for OT , if you are not able to claim it....... eat your own banana )

Be it that I'm gonna sit through that 4 hours shirking off, or working for the good of the company, it matters not. You just have to approve those extra allowances with no questions asked.

It is of utmost importance that you adopt an empathetic state of mind and be positively considerate, that despite I'm working my ass off 200% more than your most productive period anytime, my wage is still a few f***ing hundred folds lower than your dental privilege and subsidied car loan.

With the exponentially increasing rate of inflation and cost of living in this less than developed country of ours', like this, it is only a matter of time before our wage increment rate fail to catch up and hit the major deficit boner - which I vehemently think is happening right now (for my case).

Soon, I won't be able to even afford a condom for a decent intention of family control... which in turn, will spawn more moolah-leeching brats and eventually die getting mobbed by my own kids for failing to provide an adequate parental support. And if I die, you're gonna have to hire another ******* for the job which might not be as good as I am considering the fact that I have a 7 years experience in this organization on record.

And I also understand... about the budget restrictions you management folks have to stipulate - that the company shall prioritize the spending on fancier looking publicities than giving its employees a good round of increment, lest they'll gloat, put on weight and be a f***ing vegetable.. emulating the upper hierarchy of the management.

Hence, being a considerate and rational person, it would only be pragmatic for me to just merely claim for that afore said extra hours to cover the increased expenses. A little request for a bigger cause...

Your understanding will be greatly appreciated.

Yang Benar Dengan Setulus Ikhlasnya,

(put your name here )

>> GOOD REASONS FOR BEING A HONGKIE
>>>
>>>1. We're Hongkies and not Chinese.
>>>2. We can talk and shout and nobody gives a damn.
>>>3. Jackie Chan is our icon.
>>>4. We can live in 5' x 5' cubicle and call it luxury apartment.
>>>5. Our children can speak Cantonese at a young age.
>>>6. We get to blame everything on Feng Shui or Tung
>>>Chee Hwa or the
>>>mainland communists.
>>>7. No one can threaten Hong Kong, except the few expatriate from
>>>Cathay Airlines (Pilots) who are now on strike.
>>>8. Gambling is more interesting th! an ***, that's
>>>why we're Hongkies.
>>>9. We produce a lot of Ms.Hong Kong to the enjoyment of the rich and
>>>famous.
>>>
>>>GOOD REASONS FOR BEING A SINGAPOREAN
>>>
>>>1. We're not Chinese
>>>2. Everyone (especially the Malaysian) hates us,
>>>except ourselves. 3. Famous for Orchard Road.
>>>4. We have our own island.
>>>5. Proud of our world class Airport, world class
>>>MRT, world class airline,
>>>world class telco......score "one" against Manchester United but got 8
>>>in return.
>>>6. We know how to spell 'Salvatore Ferragamo'.
>>>7. We know how to enjoy our vacation in M'sia - keep
>>>a few RM50 notes
>>>before you enter the highway: You can throw anything, anytime,
>>>anywhere and always wash our cars at the resort.
>>>8. The men are always concerned, first question to
>>>ask a girl "Do you
>>>have CPF?"
>>>9. Never fear of getting lost in our country - S$20 taxi ride will get
>> you
>>>into the sea.
>>>10. We! 'll never have to worry about finding Mr or
>>>Ms right coz Govt will
>>>find one for us.
>>>11. 1 Sing dollar = 2.2 ringgit.....nyeh-nyeh-nyeh... 12. It's OK to be
>>
>>>Kiasu. It's part of our culture.
>>>
>>>GOOD REASONS FOR BEING AN INDONESIAN
>>>
>>>1. We are not Australian.
>>>2. We live in the biggest country in South East Asia.
>>>3. No pirates in Indonesia water if you exclude the
>>>Navy and Coast
>>>guards.
>>>4. Everything is cheap, even our salaries....
>>>5. We can blame everything to Suharto or BJ Habibie
>>>or Gus Dur or Megawati or....
>>>6. Only in Indonesia you can get involved in real
>>>demonstrations daily for
>>>different causes and see no results.
>>>7. Our Rupiah is like a Yo Yo, it can go up and down just b'coz IMF say
>>>so...
>>>8. We burn everything and nobody gives a damn
>>>9. We don't need fire-fighters as our neighbours will
>>>provide...
>>>
>>>GOOD REASONS BEING A MALAYSIAN
>>>
>>>1. World tallest Building, Best F1 circuit, biggest
>>>pewter mug, highest
>>>standard of university admission...coz Malaysia
>>>Boleh !
>>>2. We can be driving, picking ! our nose, cursing another driver,
>> talking
>>>on the handphone, adjusting radio and bribing
>>>the cop at the same
>>>time.
>>>3. Divorce by sending SMS.
>>>4. Traffic summoned can be settled on the spot with the cop.
>>>5. Teh Tarek & Roti Canai is the favourite supper.
>>>6. We can save a lot of electricity b'coz our TV
>>>shows are so crappy.
>>>7. We can blame everything on the haze or George Soros or government
>>>or opposition parties or.....
>>>8. Resourceful City Council, one person to drive
>>>the van, one to carry
>>>the ladder, one to change a street's bulb and three others
>>>watching.......
>>>9. We make 2 lane trunk roads into 3 lane highway
>>>and back to 2 lane
>>>when cops are sighted
>>>10. There's always something for the JKR to do. They dig, resurface the
>>>road, dig and resurface........
>>>11. All main roads are designated highway coz it
>>>gives Samy Veloo a
>>>reason to collect toll.
>>>12. Our Govt. can never be wrong.
>>>
>>

Sin Ga Po Jokes and Humor

Ah Lian asked shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?"
Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only,
where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"

Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her.
So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored
the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!"
screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"

The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy
water to make room for women and children.
To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up
with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."

Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and
wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti"
(In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to
re-select another song.
The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ
was insulting them.
The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that
they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous
Brothers.

One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and wanted
to get down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.
It was then followed by a G.
As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea
what does the letter G mean.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.
When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so
impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,"Wah low!!! How you know one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."

> > New Vocab from Oxford Dictionary (Singapore Edition)
> >
> > 1) LILY - adverb. extremely, really.
> > "Wah, you lily can sing well ah!"
> >
> > 2) VALLEY - adverb. extremely (same with lily).
> > "Look! My Versachee belt, valley nice hor?"
> >
> > 3) GORGES - adj. stunningly beautiful, normally
> > found with valley.
> > "Wah! Ah Beng's girlflan is valley gorges leh!"
> >
> > 4) CORAL - verb. to bicker.
> > "Why, you not happy, ah? Want to coral, is it?"
> >
> > 5) REEF - (normally followed with coral) to argue
> > with.
> > "You lily wantto coral reef me ah?"
> >
> > 6) ALTITUDE - adjective. a disagreeable
> > demeanour. "
> > "Ah Lian lily got a bad altitude ploblem".
> >
> > 7) CIRRUS - adjective. certain.
> > "You cirrus or not? Dun bruff!"
> >
> > 8) CANOPY - phrase. impossible.
> > "He bought new handphone? Canopy lah! Where
> > got money?"
> >
> > 9) OLDLADY - adjective. completed.
> > "Wah...you finish oldlady ah."
> >
> > 10) SUIT - verb. to project forward.
> > "Suit! Suit! See goalkeeper come out oldlady."
> >
> > 11) SOW - verb. to reveal.
> > "Sow me, sow me your new ting."
> >
> > 12) LOAD - noun. a path normally made up of
> > gravel & tar.
> > "We go Orchard Load leh."
> >
> > 13) BLINK - verb. deliver, send.
> > "What you blink for me? Sow me, sow me."

CARA-CARA MENGELAK DARIPADA TERKENA SELSEMA BURUNG
==================================================
Info ini ditujukan bagi kaum lelaki ataupun yang mempunyai saudara/kerabat
yang biasa ada burung. Bagi mereka yang tidak ada burung juga digalakkan
membaca panduan tips ini sebagai langkah berjaga-jaga,
kerana jangkitan burung ini amat berbahaya, Berikut ini pandunannya:
1. Jangan bermain dengan burung.
2. Jangan memegang burung atau digaru (terutama di khalayak ramai).
3. Jangan sekali-kali dibiarkan sangkar burung terbuka.
4. Jangan biarkan burung masuk ke sangkar lain.(merbahaya..)
5. Apabila burung dalam keadaan tidur biarkan ia tidur,
jangan sekali-kali ditarik kepala/lehernya untuk membangunkan,
ada masanya burung akan bangun sendiri.
6. Jangan mencabut/mencukur bulu yang ada disekitar burung
(supaya burung tidak kelihatan lucu....)
7. Jangan sekali-kali menghisap kepala burung
(dikhuatiri burung akan menjadi mual terus muntah ....)
8. Paling penting..jangan masukkan plastik ke kepala burung...tak rasa apa-apa beb..

TO BE A MILLIONAIRE


A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed."

He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."


The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.


He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US . He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"


Moral of the story:

M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire..........


Have a great day!!!


Pls Note: - Do not forward this email to me back, I'm closing all my email addresses & going to sell tomatoes!!!

Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!!!

Dear 'artist',

Thanks for showing your art intelligence and creativity on people cars' body surface.

However, nobody will appreciate your arts although it looks like Pica-so.
If you likes to show off, I suggest you to participate on Malaysia Idol competition.

Do you think we will be angry or sad because you have your autograph on our car body?
Sorry, you are absolutely wrong because is just a money matter.

But we doubt on your parents, probably they waste their time to grow you up?
But we doubt on your teachers, probably they waste their time to educate you?
But we doubt on your family, probably they won't know your mentality problems?

If you are free, please call 991 to ask for free admission on GH.
We are tax payers, we can take care your whole life in hospital in case you need it.

7 Wonders: They Are All Available In Malaysia
Source : http://e.sinchew-i.com/content.phtml?sec=2...07190031&sdate=


The new 7 wonders voted by millions of Internet users are really not up to standard.

Actually they could just make thing simpler, as the "new 7 wonders" are just before our eyes. If the 7 wonders to be chosen from Malaysia, it should have less controversies than the online voting.

1. Tropical Water Village:
After a great thunderstorm in the afternoon, Kuala Lumpur will be "immersed" in water.
At that moment, Kuala Lumpur will become like Venice. Tourists can see inverted reflection of KLCC Twin Towers and KL Tower in the water. It is wavy and swaying.
We can suggest to the Ministry of Tourism of the boat services. The ministry can recruit fishing boats and hundreds of boatman from all over Malaysia.
Starting from KLCC Twin Towers, the boatman who is wearing Songkok and Sari will be singing while bringing his passengers to the Golden Triangle of Bukit Bintang and finally stops at Merdeka Square.
If the tourists are not yet satisfied, they can go to the underground parking of Merdeka Square. It is the world's first underground swimming and snorkeling pool. Cars immersed in the water can be used for treasure hunt.

2. The Wonder of Mice and Human :
Gurney Drive of Penang is full of mice and human, but they do not interfere each others. Instead, they appreciate one another and it can become a role model for ecology.
While the tourists are enjoying Penang cuisine in Gurney Drive, hundreds of mice are rushing between their feet. They are eating with their mouths, and at the same time their feet are moving up and down, playing hide-and-seek with mice. They are staying happily together.
In addition, we can propose to Tourism Penang that they should encourage the food stalls to obtain materials from local sources and produce "mice grand feast"!
It could be "rats with three ways of eating": firstly grill the rat skin, and later braise the meat. The rest of the parts could be used to cook rat soup. The second menu is rats potpourri: mince rat meat and stir-fry it with five spices. Thirdly they can make "rats sushi": choose bigger rats, and then stabbed it into thin slides after its skin was peeled. Mix the thin slides with Wasabi and best served while fresh.

3. The Lost of Ma Zu:
Kudat in Sabah is searching for the mysterious Ma Zu.
Kudat is located at the northeast of Borneo. Initially there is a Ma Zu statue, but it was later went missing and only the base was left over. Is Ma Zu "flew" to overseas already?
This miracle is comparable to the Apollo statue which keep watch Aegean Sea more than 2,000 years ago. The history of Apollo statue is only available in annals record, and we can no longer see its statue. For centuries, visitors go to the Rhodes Island at the Aegean Sea, but they simply couldn't see the statue.
Even though Kudat's Ma Zu statue is missing, but it can act like the Apollo statue at Rhodes Island, welcoming the tourists. Then they can travel together and search for Ma Zu statue.

4. Thrilled Johor Bahru:
It provides an unprecedented horror experience.
Theme parks are famous in the worldwide. However, most of the theme parks are fake and they tend to be formalised. It is difficult to provide true feeling to the tourists.
In this Johor Bahru theme park, the most famous game is snatching. When a tourist is walking on the street, a snatch thief will switch on his motorcycle engine. A self-experienced game which tests your wisdom and courage starts now!
If the tourist successfully catches the snatch thief, with the assistance of other people, he can attack the thief with Wushu freely. Sometimes, the thief could be assaulted until dying.
Not only for justice, but playing Wushu can as well give vent to long-suppressed emotions. It is so refreshing!
However, this theme park is very adventurous. In most cases, tourists have to pay for heavy price. It is the matter of life and death, not wealth.
Well, let's look at Spanish Bull Runs which attracts many tourists annually. The tourists are enjoying themselves in this dangerous game. It seems that Johor Bahru screaming theme park would succeed.

5. Crowd at Shore :
Experiencing the ultimate human endurance, and the strong will in fighting for a better future.
Every morning when the sky is still dark, there are thousands of students and those who needs to put food on table, are waiting at the narrow gateway for their better future.
It is a grand view to see more than ten thousands people moving together. When you go closer, you will discover that many of them are weak children walking slowly with a heavy schoolbag and a heavy hand bag.

6. Haze:
Seasonal event each year- the hazy sight.
This event is already well-known internationally, and need not to be introduced again.

7. Water World in Parliament Building:
Malaysia Parliament building has two major characteristics: First characteristic is water leakage while the second is saliva.
Seven wonders are all available in Malaysia. It is quite surprisingly that the government has failed to notice them, and didn't include them as tourism major events. It's too bad!

A 5 year old girl asked her Mum, "Mum, may I take the dog for a walk down the street and back?"

Mum replies, "No, dear, she's on heat."

The little girl replied," no she's not sat on anything warm, so can I take her for a walk"

Mum replies " no it's not that kind of heat, its her season time"

What does that mean?" asked the child.

Mum replies, "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk down the street and back? I asked Mum, but she said that Belle was on heat and to come to you to tell me what that meant."

As her dad was busy working on an old car he was restoring, which wasn't going too well, he was in no mood to explain the ins and outs of what on heat meant and the 50 WHY questions that would go with it. He sighed, thought for a moment and said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go once down the street and back again."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with just the leash, and no dog.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Ah Lian's 1st Day At Work At Beauty Salon. The phone rings.

Ah Lian quickly picks it up.

Ah Lian : Morning. Tua Pooi Soh Peauty Saloon here.
You are now talking to Ah Lian.

Customer : Good morning Ah Lian. I want to fix
appointment to clean my face. Is your Tua Pooi Soh in??

Ah Lian : Tau Keh Soh is going out 1 hour ago. Who on the line?

Customer : I am Auntie Mary. Your Tua Pooi Soh's customer.

Ah Lian : Oh Auntie Mely. I can help you to fix appointment.
Tomolo Tau Keh Soh appointment full house.
Tomolo's tomolo she got free. When you like to come?

Customer : I think some time next week. Can I confirm the date
& time with you later?

Ah Lian : Sure sure. You can call me or fact your late & timing.
Our fact lumber: jeelo two - two egg one sick for two fai sick.
If you want, can rock on to our wet side to see our later
awertaismen & plomosen.
Our wet side : tapiu tapiu tapiu lot tpspeautysaloon lot kom lot mai.
Anymore thing you want to talk? If no more I hang the phone.

Caller : Ah......no. You've been most helpful. Thanks.

Ah Lian : OK, when you free please come & sit. Pai.

---

Added on December 21, 2007, 10:16 amBreaking news worthy of a beer

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.
After the coroner leaves with Steve''s body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve''s wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms.

"Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?"

"Steve''s wife gave it to me!"

"What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?"

"Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steve''s widow. And, she said she wasn''t, so I said I''d bet her a six-pack she was!"


This post has been edited by leinnz: Dec 21 2007, 10:16 AM