I need help, i dont have self confidence, i walk facing floor when i go out, i don look at people and tend to walk very fast outside..then i am hunch, most of all i don like to mix with new people because i think i am not good looking..anyone can help me?

stop with computer... and start making friends.... ask ur mom to send you to some camp.. like kem remaja.. so that u can interact wif outside world

if u keep playing with computer all day long, u wont gain self confidence...

computer will destroy ur self confidence...

serious??? i been facing computer like freak, but i really enjoy going out with my friend, only thing is when i go out, all the problem i stated occured, i felt very akward when walking, feel like people going to look at me and laugh, not comfortable..maybe its because my past..

come to my church

wut's ur past.... mind to share????

not quite serious past... but in the past i'm a fat guy, always been laughed at.. even nnow i am still fat and still got laughed at...

How fat is fat?

don mind about how ppl judge u...feel free to do whatever u want to do..think of u own the place u're someone big. If u always think what other ppl think of u u will be pressured and that will make u even worst. Spend some time in front of a mirro look at yourself, c what's your weakness n strength leanr to use it. Observe ppl who dress or ppl who u think u're confident n learn from them.

hey... keroro fan rite hehehe

btw.. u should take his advice...
actually i'm kinnda big too... not too big... not too fat.... but hey.. dont look on wut people say... build ur own ego...

Speak to plenty people.
Ignore negative views of others, unless they're willing to give constructive comments.
Ignore pathetic group-help bs. It's yourself, a group of weak confidence aura people isn't going to help boost your confidence.
Shake people's hands with a firm grip, crush it by all means (not girls you ass) smile and put your chest up.

Thank god i was born with this. Phew.

all good suggestions.
let me add some;

- show people the thing you are good in it.
- try new thing and never afraid to lose

life is only once man..... you won't get 2nd take. who cares if "they" laugh, "they" say.... GOD create a unique you and send you to earth, and HE is not going to do it 2nd time.
Chill up dude!

This post has been edited by bobtiang: May 14 2006, 06:58 PM

yeah man.. if they can say bout u, laugh bout u... why dont u laugh bout emm.. muahhaa
they dont control ur live.... everytime u feel down.. they will be the winner.. and u r the loser...
so.. dont bother em...

yo topicstarter, we have the same problem. lack of confidence

I'm like... not even 20 but I look 40. Hence my problem. In college people mistake me for the lecturer. Go to a party and people mistake me for a parent or chaperone. I tell them my age they think it's a joke or something. It's not funny.

When it's sem break it's difficult to find part time job esp indoor type like most teenagers can go for.

People look at me and think I'm something I'm not, expect things from me that people my age shouldn't be expected of. It's annoying to say the least. I thought of taking the easy way so many times, but for now I think it's the lamer's way out.

Now I'm still trying to accept myself as I am. It sucks to be treated differently. There isn't very many people I can approach, but I can say that there are people. It's not all bad, but it's not easy either. You can only laugh at yourself for so many times, but wallowing in self pity is even more pathetic.


But then again since when did we ever treat two people the same way ? Probably this is the way everyone else on this planet feels.



Truth in that.

It's good to see overall good advice and support for a fellow forummer in need of serious advice. Props to the regulars in the Health and Fitness section.

Brother, this problem has cropped up because of your own psychological assumptions. To build up your confidence, you need to be able to break all the limitations.

People say you are fat, you need to be brave enough to admit that you are proud to be fat, and if you're not, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Don't sit down and complain. The more you act upon on these things that drag down your confidence, the more you become stronger in facing these challenges in future and makes you more confident.

Come join the gym and workout. The boost in energy levels and probably the improvement in physique will boost your confidence. If it doesn't help increase your confidence, I don't know what will...

Hey dude,
From all you have said, you seem to be very self aware. At least u know u have problem/s. It's ok. If u think that u need to be more outgoing then you can change.
Its also ok to want to be introverted/alone-sometimes that's nice too. But too much of either is not good also. Don't seek external validation, that is, dont' expect other people or material things or whatever to make you feel good about yourself.

Weight issue,no problem, if u wanna get healthy u can do that. I lost 12 kilos at age 30 so u can do that too. I look and feel like I did when I was in uni. If u feel underconfident based on your weight and how people see u becoz of your weight, then getting healthy and living healthy will partly 'cure' that problem.U feel good about yourself then things all feel better too.

If however u feel anxiety/fear which causes u to feel lack of confidence then u need to look at those problems too. Many things add to self confidence. Satisfaction in work, happy and stable family life, personal wellbeing, loving relationship with gf/wife, environment and etc etc. many things. But congrats to you for being brave and admitting u need to change.

try to lose some weight... ehehe during last fasting month...
from 100 >> 87 now....
and still losing uhhuhhhh i know it's not a big deal..
but at least i can gain some confidence........
actually.. banyak confidence woo...

Or... iamnew.... you might be thinking too much. It makes you paranoid cos you're always thinking people are looking at you or makin' comments behind your back. Relax!

You need to identify several factors which contribute to your lack of self confidence. Not all of them are easily obvious. Some of them are sub conscious and as you say, deeply rooted in your past. Once you've faced your own skeletons in your closet head on, everything becomes a lil' easier. This is somethign you have to do on your own, we can only offer suggestions or try to guide you.

Good luck.

try to see with counsellor.

okay... u just listed all ur weaknesses... just do the opposite... thats all..

if u think u are overweight, GO TO THE GYM FIRST. I got just the gym for u. RM599 per year. u want it? we still got trial card RM50 for 1 month. It's called Cnergy Fitness. It's good for health. I'm sure ur parents will allow too, or do they rather see you overweight and unhealthy?

listen to them
just go exercise dude
fat no more = self-conscious no more

wow, everyone in this forum is very helpful, i appreciate everyone for replying and trying to help me, i will try my best!

Anytime, and that's speaking for all of us. I find the guys in the Health and Fitness section to be much nicer and more mellow compared to other sections.

You'll do fine, take it easy.

hahah

Nolah, fat no more, you'll get even MORE self-conscious. Addet everybody you tengok as if they're jumping to bite you lidat.

Fat at a reasonable level and proper muscle sculpture and good definition, less self-conscious.

Ok I'll be the next making confession. I'm also fat ..to be honest I was 122kg....but today I'm 102 already ever since I joined the gym. But now I've lost motivation to go to the gym because I'm the very rare obese person with lumps on my chest. I gave my best 5 months training almost everyday.... but until now, the lumps is still there and I'm actually on the worst situation than you. People laugh at me because of that. People treat me differently because I'm not "normal".

But now..... I just give up... I dont want to go to gym....because everytime I'm there I will be "stared".....oh please help !

Are you gonna stop bothering about what people think of you and continue going to the gym or just moan and gripe about it here? We can help you to a certain extent but the rest is up to you. You've already lost 20kgs, which is a good thing. What? You expect to lose 50 kgs in a week? Be realistic. You're getting there. Keep at it.
Good luck.

one advice for u:

stop wasting your energy and time on bad thoughts by other people. just be yourself

You're a success story. Don't give up.Losing 20 kgs is fantastic. U should be given prizes by those fakey slimming centres. I was 80 over kilos and gradually lost until I was 70 over which is ok for my height category and general lifestyle. I did that over 7 months when I was 30 years old so if i can do that you can lose a little bit more too. Its healthier. Fat deposits in the male breast when obese is usual. You need to target that general area to tone;its possible. Dont give up.

Really? The computer and the internet is what helped me gain my confidence. So don't generalise like that... its just how you use it.

If you are on the computer a lot, i'm sure you have a lot of friends on your icq/msn/yim/aim/irc/etc. Surely a few of them have become close or at least enjoy your online presence. I suggest you meet up with these people.

Since they know you online they will be less judgemental over how you look like. This would make it easier for you socialise, then they will be your gateway to self confidence.

lol, i have the opposite problem. I look way younger than i actually am... my height doesn't help disprove it either

However, in the end it doesn't really matter how you look. It is how you carry yourself. You can look like a model, but if you have no confidence and low self-esteem no one will find you attractive or likeable.

Right..........this shud be fun

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/drobson175.htm <how to lose that fat

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/trans56.htm <-inspiration talk

-Two daily pool sessions to begin with, for aerobics.
-Added circuit weight training before pool sessions after one month.
-Used a high protein, lower carbohydrate diet.
-Weight training every day.
-Changed program format every six to eight weeks.