Go volunteer, it will give you a lot of new perspective about life and chances to meet new friends.

You are jealous of her friends, her church activities and her active social life. These things make her happy. What kind of boyfriend gets jealous of his girlfriend being happy?

I see, do you have any example? I not so knowledgeable about the volunteer activities. Thanks

I see, but to tell you the truth, I did not get jealous of all of that, in fact I encourage her to do all those. And yes as you've said, I know those things were what made her happy, and her happiness is all that I want to wish for. But because of that, she told me I couldn't join in her life. Why you say? Let me tell you:

In the morning, I will text her morning message as anyone would normally do, and she would start her long day at campus, and when she had a break, we would have a little chat for like around 2-3 minute before she went on and join her friends for lunch. Then she would be back by evening. By that time, she would be busy preparing dinner with her house mates. After dinner, after a short sms-ing, she would want to start her study and doing reports/assignments (if you ever study in local university, you know how insanely many the workloads are), so I know she will be very busy, I tell her do it, I will give her my support quietly. After about a couple of hours doing them, she would be totally stressed out, and maybe you thought this was where I come in but no, its not. She would tell me its running man time, she really love running man. This tv program really make her laugh a lot and that would make her forget all the stress. By the time she finished watching it, it will be around 10.30 pm, most of the times. After that, you think maybe its time for our sweet good night talk eh, no. Since all her house mates were girls, and the house has theft happened a few times, the church pastor was worry about their safety and ask a few church brothers to go over their house and kept watch. And the brothers are her friends. And they usually bring over board games such as monopoly. So come back to the story, after finishing running man, she will tell me that her church friends have come to watch over their house, and she want to join them in the board game, and she like to play it, its funny, she said. Seeing her happy playing with them, for me, even though I really miss her and want her company, but I tell her to go and play with them because I know how much I love seeing her happy. And that usually will last for a couple of hours as well since if they finished playing, she, her house mates and the church friends would chat together. By the time she's done with all that, it would be around 12.30 am, and she will need to sleep because class starts at 8 in the morning and she need to wake up at 7. So we will just say good night.

These were the routines until the day we broke up. And then she told me that I can't join in her life. Tell me again please, that I was possessive, that I was jealous of her.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be sarcastic. Thank you for your reply

This post has been edited by lazycat29: Oct 30 2012, 02:23 PM

You are possessive. You are jealous of her.

What, you think you're not?

Let me ask you, how long did it take you write that big long paragraph up there? You wrote it very fast, didn't you? It all came out in one sustained burst of anger and resentment, didn't it? You were practically banging the keys, weren't you?

You are angry at her newfound social life. You are angry at her favourite TV show. You are angry at her church friends who get to spend time with her and make her happy. You are angry that her church friends are guys. All this is damn obvious from what you've written. You think it's not?

Even more so when you say things like the bolded parts. I'm sorry to say no, I didn't think any of those things. I have never thought it necessary to SMS my girlfriend every morning when I wake up, or to have a "sweet good night talk" every damn night. You think these things are normal? You think every couple must do them? Wrong. Only you think they are necessary, and I'm betting she doesn't think they are anymore. I bet she feels damn fed up being forced to report to you 3 times a day on the dot.

You thought you must be the only source of comfort and happiness in her life. You expected her to talk to you and only you when she's stressed out. Even now, when you're trying to be just friends with her, you expect her to conform to your idea of friendship.

To tell you the truth, I was really heat up when reading your reply, but when I think of what you said, I can't deny it. What you said is correct. I've never thought it up that way, maybe you are right, I was angry, angry of her new-found life, friends and comfort source that was not ME, I kept on focusing on ME. I've never really stand in her viewpoint, what she was feeling, thinking. Damn, ain't I the freaking selfish *******? But I am really sorry, I just couldn't help it, you know. And about the reporting, its not me that initiate it, its her suggestion, she told me that we need to keep communication but then she also need time to do her thing so she ask me not to find her first but she will take the initiative to find so that she wouldn't be bothered when she is busy, and I agreed. (I am not sure if this is even right, I just don't know)

"You thought you must be the only source of comfort and happiness in her life. You expected her to talk to you and only you when she's stressed out. Even now, when you're trying to be just friends with her, you expect her to conform to your idea of friendship."

I used to think like that, that I am the only source of comfort, but I know I am not. I thoroughly admitted that, because I knew for sure I am not the only one, there are a lots of people and things and God who can be the main source of comfort to her. About the latter sentence, it really hit me hard. Because even I pains me to admit it, its true what you said. Why am I still doing that? Putting the pressure of my expectation onto her? What right do I have? Who the heck am I anyway to do that? Damn....sigh...

But friend, I really thank you for your unbiased reply, I really do. I felt like you really do understand, like you've had experienced it before.

top part of your story shows that she got lots of excuse
means she dunno what she wants.
move on
this kind of person not worth your time
find someone who wants you
then live happily eer after
not linger around sulking for some bad apple

thats why i ask u to read bible

Try this as there's a list of NGO for volunteering work, pick and choose whatever that interest you.
http://beta.dogoodvolunteer.com/

It's not easy yo just simply let go, I know I must no matter how. Just that I need some time. Thanks for ur reply.

I did bro, is there any books or chapters in the bible that you can suggest to me? Thanks

Really thanks bro, I'll try to find those after I finished my exam.

Read about Adam and Eve, the true nature about women is laid out plain and simple right from the beginning.

Honestly, reading a Bible is a real boring chore. Without context or theme, it's basically just bulldozing through a heap of text.

But then again... I do read only the King James version.

I see, thanks for the suggestion.

Yeap, I need to read those that related to what I am going through now.

You are not being possesive. You can't let go of her, simple as that.

Aiyah, you say you both break up, then have a clean break up lah. Where got such thing, as still be friends and chat over facebook?

Gosh. Its not like Julia Roberts in "My Best Friend's Wedding". Things like this only happen in Hongkong TVB and Hollywood lah.

Move on lah...forget about her...

Church got many other girls, go after them loh.

Haha, I hope it will be as easy as you say bro. When you already loved, you can't just stop loving anytime you want to, its not that easy. It takes time, I am currently coping with this loss, and I need time, only God knows how long I need.

Seriously why bother anymore if the other party is trying to give you a cold shoulder. There are many more girls in this world other than her. If you think you're a good bf, have confidence in yourself and dont lose your self-esteem. She value her friends more than you so what???Fine , let her be. If she cant prioritise you now, what makes you think that she can prioritise your own family in future if both of you decide to get married 1 day. Got baby already then chuck baby to you, she herself go shopping with frens??? You can tolerate it?? Ask yourself properly.

About the reporting thingie, just need a few seconds to reply 1 sms; not much, if you're busy, just say u're busy with something, at least you tell your partner so that ppl no need worry about you. If like that also cannot do, you can conclude that she cant even spare you few seconds out of 24 hours in a day. So where do you stand in her mind ???

My way of thoughts is, you need to find someone more compatible with you and can share everything with you.Dont try too hard to adapt to people's lifestyle ,just move on , until you find a suitable one for yourself. Dont think you're playboy or what for this act as "Love cannot be forced". From my past experience and even with frens, most of them did not marry their first love as their wife.

Sometimes, dont try too hard to become too understanding. Deep inside yourself, you're suffocating. You cannot afford to be too kind and tollerant. Admit it and reality is harsh anyways. Believe in yourself and improve in other aspects. Go find a better girl who gives you a higher priority in her life not just adapt to her style. You dont owe anyone anyways . Remember that.

I am having an almost same problem with you.
What you need to do is get ur time filled as much as possible socializing with frens, exercising, hang out or whatever.
When you are alone, you should face the pain and try not to avoid it (but keep this time as minimal as possible)

I totally know how you feel... As im going through the same pain... those sudden emptiness & loneliness.

Maybe for now I just feeling to bad and sad about our relationship since I've put in so much effort in it, she did too. Its like you almost reach the top of the mountain after climbing it for a long long time and endured all the hardship and sufferings during the climb, then just before you reach the peak, something happens and you are forced with no other option but to give up going to the top and go back all the way down the starting point. But I get what you mean, I did realise I wasn't her priority at all, I don't mean the selfish way, I am happy to be put behind God, Family and Friends - at lease somewhere between family and friends because those are my priorities too, but I simply didn't feel it that way, I feel I wasn't even included at all. But is she to blame, I don't think so too because I do understand everyone has their own life their own dream to pursue. sigh, actually I don't know what am I suppose to think too. But thanks for your word of encouragement friend, appreciate it

Take care too bro, maybe God let me open this kind of thread to help you too. Read along all the replies from the members. I hope they can help you as they have me. If you are Christian, kneel down and pray to God. This is a time when you need to be closer to Him.

Alamak. I thought you christians teach people about how to rejoice in suffering, not to look at your current troubles - look to your god and your eternal salvation and then submit yourself to the will of your god.

You really not walking the talk, man. You let yourself bothered by this girl. Man up lah. Get over it.

There are many other fishes in the sea. Start fishing.

Hmm, rejoice in suffering and look to my God then submit myself to His will. Yes, you are correct friend, thanks for reminding me again. I always forget that all that have happened, happened because its in His plan, and His plan is for me to become better because He knows what I need and whats best for me.

I do hope won't reach that point, thinking optimistically. But whatever will happen in the future, I won't know, so let's just see what each step brings us then. Thanks for your reply