Tell me honestly of what you think after reading.

It goes like this,

I just had a breakup with her, and a 2 years and 7 months relationship has ended. No, we don't have a fight or any third person. No, we broke up because:

1. Long distance (one of the reason but not THE most important)
2. She had more close friends and busier days after moving to a new place (she was living in the university apartment before that but that time she wasn't as close to her room mates as the ones she have now so almost anything that happened in her life, she will talk to me about it) but ever since she got to the new place and the close friends, we talked lesser and lesser, I figured that because she was surrounded by good trusted friends, she shared what she would've shared to me about her life to them - meaning the position that I have in her heart has been replaced by friends, assignments and church duties.
3. She said we couldn't talk face to face, heart to heart and feel like I couldn't join in her life and she mine. She feel very far from me.
4. She was feeling guilty everyday because she feel like she didn't have time for me, and she did forced herself saying its ok, she still want to maintain. But in the end, its just to painful for because she really didn't want to hurt me.

She confessed all these to me and because I really love her, I didn't want her to suffer so much because of our relationship, so that's where we decided to put an end to our relationship, and tell me that we can still be friend. It was the most beautiful relationship I've ever had, and we were so sure we're going to get marry in the future, even both of our parents really like us being together. But then again, life will not always go the way we wanted it, ain't it?

The thing is, after the breakup, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about her. I really miss her to the point it was to painful for me to even saw her online on facebook. I would have urge to find her. I've tried forgetting about her and moving on. But after some while, I've thought of lot of things, I've decided that I don't want to lie to myself any more, I still love her. And I confessed to her that I still love her but I would not force her to come to me. I've never even utter a single word of reconciliation. I said I am willing to be friend with her and she said she won't take back the break up but she don't mind being friend.

So, we turned back to normal friend. Or so I thought. So I tried to find her to chat (as a friend, honestly. And I've thought she had gotten over me since she seems to be so happy when I see her posts or life events on facebook), but to my astonishment, she replied so coldly. E.g.

Me: Hey there =)
She: Hi
Me: How's life?
She: Like that lo
Me: Oh, bla bla bla bla (I would ask some thing that friend would ask, like exam's coming, stress or not like that)
She: Okok lo (the famous 2 words reply)

I was like what the heck? She said she was ok being friend, but why the cold shoulder, treating me like a stranger. I did ask her before about this, but she said she didn't have, she said she is treating me normally. I am very sure, it can be anything but definitely NOT normal. So after the cold treatments for some time, I've decided to call her up to listen to her explanation. After denying for some time, she finally confessed that she hasn't gotten over our relationship, and she need time to recover to normal friend state. But she said I've keep finding her on facebook chat, and it annoyed her. I was like "What?! Seriously?". To be really really honest. I hardly find her to chat at all, and she said I was still treating her as my lover and that made her feel very uncomfortable and pressure. But I did not, neither do I even have the intention of treating her as girlfriend, sure I still do love her, but I know what I was doing was not showing affection of love toward her, none. I told her I am treating her just as a friend would do, and I told her the conversation topic I asked can easily be the common-est between friends, and she hardly even reply me. That's when I got frustrated and I told her that I know when she is chatting with her close friends, even a single "how's your exam preparation" question can turn into an hour long chat but the way she is treating me now are totally like a stranger. After the argument she said she was tired and hurt and she feel that I am giving her a lot of pressures. I knew things gonna turn into a mess if I don't stop. So I stop and apologise to her. Feeling like I've put the final blow onto our relationship (what's left of it).

I just feel really bad putting all my anger and frustration on her, but I couldn't stop myself. So was what I did right, or I am plainly a jerk ?

For TL:DR, sorry for the inconvenience but I really need to write it this long. So if you have time to read it, I would really appreciate it, if not, thank you for passing by.

This post has been edited by lazycat29: Oct 29 2012, 07:46 PM

ok liao time to move on

forget and treat her as stranger....gone is gone

erm, for now I probably still in between denial and grief state ba. Need some time. Thanks

read more bible, it helps.

yeap, it really does. I really feel I've grown closer to God after the breakup and His words comforted me until now. Just that some time I really weak and I fall down. This is one such time.

i din know the effect can go so deep, god bless

Ofcourse it does, I've only broke up with one single person, but for God, everyday there are thousands of people who He love so much break up with with Him. Who else can understand better of the pain of break up or lost of love one but Him? I just feel ashamed that I fell down, and treat the one that I love with anger and frustration. sigh

This post has been edited by lazycat29: Oct 29 2012, 08:23 PM

time to move on, even christian also human-made feeling.
before is before, now is now. Remove FB friendlist, stop contact her, it made u feel better. If not, ur feeling will slowly turn into anger and many thing will pop up again

why are you pissed off if you are just another friend. See? You expectation on her is putting pressure on her. When she doesn't meet your expectation; you blame her.

Where is this going? What exactly do you want from her? When a friend needs time; give time. When a friend need space; give space. Friends come and go. Nobody owes nobody shit. Because of unnecessary pressure you putting is really annoying and she explicitly said that. Sink that in your head and maybe you still have a chance in future.

Else, you will be just another friend that just left.

You're possessive even when you're no her bf, lol.

The way I see it she's treating you the way you deserved to be treated, with ignorance.

I don't think you're the jerk in this situation. You say you hardly chat with her and that's fine as long as you don't keep pestering her with those.

She's just not over the abrupt change yet so she's giving you the cold shoulder. It's actually hard to "remain friends" even after you've both broken up on good terms. Conversations will seem awkward and just weird because you(or she) isn't used to it. Usually, over time(and a lot of time) you'll both either be able to talk normally again(slim chance, rarely happens) or stop talking altogether (which is usually the case) eventhough both of you promised to "remain friends"

I hope it won't turn into that. Just that for now, I just feel bad, really. And I can't help but hope for the better, though I know this is just a delusion since I am in the denial state. It will go, I just need the time, a long one maybe.

I see, yea. I think u really hit that spot, its just that I was too frustrated that time and anger clouded my mind, + I was confuse about the way she treated me. So I am the one at fault here. Thanks for your direct word

Possessive? Mind to explain, because if anywhere in the story stated that I was possessive, I want to think on that action. Thanks a lot

I hope we won't go to the latter, because even if we are not lovers any more, I know in my heart she is really a good person, even as a friend. Because we did have a time when we were good friends, great times.

This post has been edited by lazycat29: Oct 29 2012, 11:52 PM

You wanted to control her response to you, isn't that possessive?

I see, maybe you are right. Maybe I was expecting something from her,maybe to make myself feel better, and that is quite selfish. And quite stupid too thanks for pointing it out

this very true.
+1

After few months s he will move on and you will see she posted pic of her with good friend and voila, a pic with guy...

I have been there in this situation... In fact, much worse than you.

,ove on, don't find her anymore, even you do, just once a week or once every two week.

[quote=SGSuser,Oct 29 2012, 07:58 PM]
ok liao time to move on

move on, focus on your study or work or whatever

[quote=blueblueoutofblue,Oct 30 2012, 07:49 AM]
After few months s he will move on and you will see she posted pic of her with good friend and voila, a pic with guy...

I have been there in this situation... In fact, much worse than you.

,ove on, don't find her anymore, even you do, just once a week or once every two week.

[/quote]

With another guy? Hmm, for now I may not be able to accept it that is the case, but still I will wish for her happiness. Just hope I have the strength when such time comes.

[quote=Nexxon,Oct 30 2012, 08:44 AM]
[quote=SGSuser,Oct 29 2012, 07:58 PM]
ok liao time to move on


[/quote]

In time bro, in time.

[quote=shinkawa,Oct 30 2012, 10:13 AM]
move on, focus on your study or work or whatever

[/quote]

I hope I can focus on study, but tomorrow will be the last exam for this semester of my university, then a very long long holidays till next year. Very bad, cause will have too much free time