If a girl cancels a wedding
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 Sep 28 2012, 10:40 AM
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#1
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Elite
4,956 posts Joined: Jan 2003  
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The problem is that she decided to cancel it. Its a marriage, decisions are not hers alone to make. She only cared about how she was feeling and did not consider how it would affect her partner at all.
Her selfishness destroyed her relationship. The guy is right in ditching her. |
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Sep 28 2012, 10:44 AM
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#2
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Elite
4,956 posts Joined: Jan 2003
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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Sep 28 2012, 10:40 AM) of course you people would say that the relationship should be severed, fickle now fickle later, all that bullshit. I'm surprised that you can applaud her for calling it off without discussing it with her fiance first. I applaud her for cancelling the wedding when she had such doubts, because she did the right thing. If he wants to end all contact with her for this then clearly, he cares more about his face than the fact that she was worrying about this. She didn't bring the FMIL issue up before because she felt that maybe she could get through it for him, but it became too much for her and she did the right thing. His loss.  Considering how selfish her actions were, and how she could not hold up the pressure of a wedding. I would said its more her loss than his. |
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Sep 28 2012, 10:47 AM
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#3
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Elite
4,956 posts Joined: Jan 2003
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QUOTE(Xhiro @ Sep 28 2012, 10:44 AM) Ohai hawky... after a few years i pop up again lol ohai thereThe guy didnt really ditch her... he just ran away to save his face as what berry said o.O doesn't matter whether its ditched/ran away, bottom line is they didn't communicate. They didn't work as a team. Her actions were selfish, his was stupid. Though his reaction to her actions is totally understandable and acceptable. |
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Sep 28 2012, 10:56 AM
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#4
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Elite
4,956 posts Joined: Jan 2003
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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Sep 28 2012, 10:46 AM) Nope. That's idealistic. When you enter a marriage, you should have absolutely NO doubt from both parties. ZERO doubt. Doesn't matter to me whether it was the guy or the girl who had doubts - I would have applauded the one who called it off. What's even better is that she's doing the right thing by wanting to talk about it. What I don't agree with is how she apparently didn't tell him she was having these issues, and how he's handling it. You're engaged if I recall? Wedding coming anytime soon? Weddings bring a lot of pressure onto couples, which really puts them to the test. So even if you had no doubts before, the pressure could reveal problems you've never faced in the relationship, which then causes doubts. The mark is that you both have the courage and determination to pull through it. Only then do you know that you truly have what it takes. They both failed this horribly, but she holds more responsibility for this failure for making a decision without a discussion first. Completely and totally selfish. Not fit for marriage or a relationship. I may not agree with how the guy is handling it, but I don't blame him for what he's doing. |
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Sep 29 2012, 03:08 AM
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#5
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Elite
4,956 posts Joined: Jan 2003
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QUOTE(spunkberry @ Sep 28 2012, 08:56 PM) Well, I will just add these comments: I must make it clear that, to me, the only thing she did right, amongst a thousand things she did wrong, was to cancel the wedding. Just that action. The intent behind that action is wrong: selfishness. She should have talked to him waaayy beforehand about whatever issues she was having, instead of cancelling the wedding and THEN wanting to talk. I agree with Mikeshashimi's response to me about how the FMIL thing is an excuse, but we shall give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that there are other things that are happening with her. On his side, I don't blame him for doing what he did, but at this point, it sounds more like he's running away to save face, rather than trying to deal with it. Maybe he needs some time, but he has to face her eventually. He could call her a b**** and be perfectly justified, or he could be the bigger person. Either way, there is no point speculating like sideline reporters on this shit. Wow spunky, I thought you were better than this. Lets assume for the moment that this is all about "saving face", tell me how is he suppose to deal with it? The wedding was called off 1 week before it happened. Means they had to forfeit everything they've done and paid for. This would be things like dinner, pre-wedding photography, make-up artists, bridal gown, car decorations, etc. etc. which in total would easily cost between RM30k-100k. On top of that, how would he face his friends and family? This explanation would not be about "face", its about support. No one in his circle is going to like his "wife" if they decide to get back together and go on with the wedding. Their relationship would lose the support and blessing from his circle. She will be disdained. Now, he could deal with all of this, but the big question you have to ask is WHY?. Why should he go to all that trouble? |
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Sep 30 2012, 02:52 PM
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#6
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Elite
4,956 posts Joined: Jan 2003
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QUOTE(SereneAshley) I merely said spunkberry is just telling it from the brides point of view on why she cancelled the wedding so abruptly. This is called "misguided empathy". Its how girls often justify bad decisions/actions, e.g. "She cheated on him because he wasn't giving her what she needed". As if that justifies her wrong doing. It doesn't, and trying to play it any other way is just dishonest. Spunkberry was not giving an opinion on the girl's side. She was really just slamming the guy. She downplayed the girl's bad actions (even applauding it), and put the blame and responsibility solely on the guy. She did not objectively assess the scenario, seeing it only through her feminazi tinted glasses. The irony of it all is how she's the one back-tracking to save her face, instead of just admitting she assessed the scenario poorly. Also, you're not getting the flak cause you're a woman. You're getting the flak cause you're defending someone who made a stupid point, and abit more than usual because spunkberry herself is known to be pretty harsh to others. Doesn't justify the name calling, but its often better to just ignore such people here. |
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