All right so I read the whole thing and the reason why you're not able to find enough men who are on the same wave length as you that you can pick and choose is because there aren't many out there (blame the M'sian education system).

Thing is you're looking for guys similar to you on an intellectual and confidence scale, and it's gonna be slim picking because those guys are confident enough to go for the hot chicks and they have the brains to impress said hot chicks into bed with them. Either that or they've been identified straight out of college by a cougar and are quickly domesticated.

In my opinion, you have 5 options.

Option 1
Continue waiting and hope for the best.

Option 2
Join a group dating agency and participate in group dating that you see in the movies where the guys rotate every 10 mins.

Option 3
Give your mother a list of criteria and let her match make you. I know this goes against your beliefs but if you tell her to follow the list stringently the guy can't be too far off.

Option 4
Settle for less. "WHAT!??!!" <-- that's probably what's going through your mind right now. I'm not saying to settle for a construction worker. I'm saying take your expectations down a notch.  Sure he's not able to engage in "deep philosophical conversations" with you but there are a lot of good guys out there who can speak their mind and are happy to let the woman wear the pants in the family.  So i guess you have to ask yourself the question, am i willing to settle or can I afford to wait?

Option 5
Get with a girl of your liking and adopt a baby. Note, you will need to move overseas in order to do this.

So in conclusion, I am sympathetic to your predicament but sadly this is not new.  There are many career women out there who are single because they cannot find a compatible mate and are unwilling to compromise.  Do you want to risk joining that demographic?

LOL. Well actually I was kinda doing fine and happy and was totally enjoying my actual life before he came into the picture. And then things just got far more... interesting so to speak. It's the interesting things that happened that, idk, made life much more fun because it's been a long time since that happened. So perhaps it was my bad for letting myself go along with something that I instinctively knew would end up badly. But you are right, life kinda does throw things at you when you least expect it. But then again if one is looking for something, some effort has to be made into actually heading towards it. Whatever you can't control, then que sera sera.

3. I've considered option 3 before. But then again, I'm not looking to settle down. I also don't do dating. I just want to take things slow and get to learn and explore someone (i mean, in the innocent sense of course) and then decide if things can go further. I'm interested firstly for activity partners (mostly gaming, philosophical conversations) and then from there if there is a budding attraction, then see how it goes. I know, I'm such a godamned sappy romantic. Kill me now. Settle for less? I already thought my requirements were low. Hell, I don't give a damn if he looks like pudge getting pwned in mid game, as long as he's an intelligent, funny, decent fellow I can communicate with. Communication is arguably the single most important non-tangible when it comes to my opinion of what a great relationship is like. It's impossible for me to get to know someone or start feeling fond of them romantically if he can't engage my mind. Everything else can be worked out later slowly. I myself am far from perfect, who am i to demand things of others I don't possess? option 5 is out of the question. my parents will probably kill me, then disown me. lol. there are some things you can dream about... and just remain dreaming about it. option 5 is one of them :-P
Meh, not into the whole 'how to find a guy' thing. I want someone to like me for me and accept me for me, like how i will be able to do the same because I value non-physical traits above everything else. (Yes spunkberry, that means even what skin colour he is, despite you insisting i'm a racist)

I agree with the desperately searching part. Some of them even make the mistake of giving up on their needs and making do with whatever they get, which personally for me I feel is degrading and eventually they're just going to end up unhappy... assuming, of course, they're people who strongly know what they want and have taken a very long time to think over what a relationship is and how they can forsee themselves as part of the main variables in a relationship. I guess you could say I see "A Relationship" as an abstract whole and then look for "parts" that can make it work. Parts such as another human being. I know what I want and like, which is why I am not going to just 'make do'. I'm not that desperate, lol.

Actually, I wrote a response to you in the other thread but I accidentally closed the tab and lost everything. meh. Essentially I do agree with you that having skin colour preferences - or any physical preferences for that matter to be superficial. And irrelevant. And completely, utterly irrational. There is simply no utility to it at all. I cannot disagree with that because it *is*. The problem is that I know that I am guilty of it and believe me, I really do feel horrible about it because it's so irrational. I still, however, dislike and am against the use of the term 'racist' to describe it. Racism is a completely different issue altogether. Could it be environmental, perhaps? Was I conditioned since young to be disinclined to people of different skin tones? It's certainly quite possible, since children learn such behaviours- it's gotta come from somewhere. Or could it be that all the people in my immediate social circles from childhood to adulthood have comprised only individuals similar to my skin tone/ethnic background? It WOULD be outside my comfort zone if I have to get to know an ang moh because I would have to make the effort to communicate in proper english (or THEIR english) all the time. I want to pepper my sentences with lah, lehs, lors and malay/manglish because it's what I'm comfortable with. It makes me feel... idk. At home.

I meant getting to know the person as a friend. I don't think that's dating.... correct me if I'm wrong. But if you're talking about casual dating, where two humans interact for the sole purpose of trying to figure out if they're compatible, then no, I don't do that, be it speed/casual or whatever. But if one really has to define the meaning of 'dating' in the context we are talking about, then I would consider going to the mamak's for late night kopi or nom noms as well as spending time together alone doing the same activity as dates. But the line has to be drawn cos if not, then i'd be dating all my friends all the time lol. Which is why 'dating' has a different... objective. I don't do that. I don't understand such social conventions either.

1. I know. I'm willing to compromise on a lot of things, physical and personality wise. But there are some things that I will not, because in the long run, i know that the possession of such traits are what's important and will strongly influence the direction and success of the relationship. This is what I mean by being on the same wavelength - sharing the same philosophical and ethical ideals and a mutual understanding of what can be achieved of a relationship besides companionship.

2. Culture is different from language. I am more than willing to integrate a foreign culture into my life, since I would do it anyway out of intellectual curiosity. But language wise, I'd much prefer someone already of the same cultural background as it would be easier to relate our experiences and communicate. Mostly it's just for convenience.

3. No no no. I did not say that someone is worth being just a friend just on skin color. This is the point I've been trying to make which you still don't get. Physical preferences are not cast in stone and doesn't mean i have them means I won't consider someone not of them. This is what, the 5th time I've said this. Zzz.

4. Well, I do things differently. I take a very long time to warm up to someone. I like to take my time to consider and think about things. If love happens, then it happens. If fondness occurs, then I do something about it and take it to the next step. I think the issue here is that I'm more interested in making friends with people first and decide if they're compatible on a fundamental level as friends. Is that wrong? No it isn't. It's just going to make the process of finding a mate elongated and tiresome. But hey, at least I get to survey the landscape first. Even if it doesn't work out, we can still be friends.

As of writing this, we've started talking again. Like friends.

1. The possibility of that happening is there. I will not disagree with that. I like the idea of it being a guideline and not a law. Then again, for me to even FEEL attracted to anyone at all, much less men, for that matter, it requires (and so happens to be) that they are intelligent, smart and funny. So it's not so much as whether I am unwilling to compromise on those traits, but just sharing that, based on *my* experience, I have found myself to be attracted to men who possess such traits and therefore those must be rather important traits to me. Not the other way round.

2. Well, I wasn't, even though I effectively only speak English. I guess you might have it easier in a sense, since you're not bound by silly sentiments like feeling attached to the homeland, lol. There was even a point in time where I told myself that I would never migrate overseas because I wouldn't be able to bear with the assimilation and integration of a foreign culture like myself into theirs, despite not exactly being thrilled about how things work here. But these are issues I will deal with when the time comes for me to deal with. Too early to make any concrete decisions now.

3. okok. I thought you were referring to me. You lah, never say properly. 

4. Actually that kinda happened to me as well. I never thought I'd be making friends with a bunch of extremely extroverted people (who aren't exactly the brightests bulbs in the shed), but I have learnt that there are other things to friendship other than intelligence. Such as being kind, forgiving and open minded enough to accept people for who they are, no matter how 'difficult' or socially inept (people such as... myself). Sure they annoy me sometimes with their trivialities, but I think I am truly fond of them and have grown to really love them for who they are. I also really admire them for their qualities because I wish I could be like them sometimes. But still, there's this thing I felt so direly missing from my social life- an intellectually inclined friend who actually lives near me and with whom I can have great, funny conversations with. And then he arrived into the picture. Maybe in THAT sense one could say I was deprived. Meh. >_>"

Can I just say this- FINALLY. FINALLY someone who actually can actually completely grasp what this whole thing has been about. THANK YOU FOR RESTORING MY FAITH IN LYN. You feel like a kid? PISH POSH. You're way more mature than 3/4 of people here, your opinions are definitely valuable, at least to me. Please, by all means, share your opinions with me anytime. I mean it.

Well I think it doesn't matter what I think of their intelligence. It's not mighty important to me anyway (in the grander scheme of things), and to me, a spade is a spade- they're my friends and I see them and interact with them almost everyday, so I think I would be in a much better position to gauge their intelligence (in terms of how they act and think) as opposed to you who don't really know anything about them. They also do not necessarily disagree with me, which means they know what they're not capable of. My apologies if this comes across as harsh or anything, but that's basically how it is. Do I have a superiority complex? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe it's got to do with how annoying people have been to me from young and my misanthropy has built up since then. Could be a defence mechanism, idk lol. They ARE intelligent, but not conventionally (which would mean in the logical/mathematical or fundamentally cerebral sense). I assume you've heard about Gardner's multiple intelligences, and while they may not be academically or cerebrally inclined, they do possess gifts with interpersonal, musical and spatial skills. But mostly when I refer to 'intelligence', I meant it in the conventional sense, lah. I disagree with blinded. I have attempted, many times to try to engage them on political/philosophical issues, but all I get are blank stares and then the topic changes to something else. It is also evident from their academic capabilities and their results on aptitude tests we've taken in school. Not everyone is good at everything, is what I'm trying to say. Do I judge them? Would I consider them to be any less of a person than an intelligent person? Definitely not. They are good, kind people with big hearts. I love them to death!