Black And Blue

Day one, I turned on the lights in my room.
I stared at that white long fixture.
Somehow I'm seeing blue.
I'm thinking its kinda royal blue.
Your favourite colour of all hues.

Day two, I woke up and saw a blue sky.
It's lovely and I took a picture of it.
I opened the photo gallery,
As I was flipping through it,
The sky were dinning its lit.

Day three, I dreamt of you and the things we could be.
All I hear is darlings and honey bees.
I swear I didn't mean to do it sweetly.
Because I know its greedy to think of the word "could be".
When I know the answer is "couldn't be".

Day four, the sky were crying and I couldn't help but notice;
Ah. This is grey.
This is a familiar grey.
The grey pavement, the grey stones,
It's a grey sky with a touch of a ray.
The grey I saw when I first met you.

Day five, nothing really changed.
I went to work and smiled to the world.
Met my friend and tell her about the shitty customers I served.
But one thing she haven't heard.
The grey never leave my side.

Day six, I went home from work.
Unable to sleep, I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
I saw myself in the a bubble of grey.
I turned on the shower in hopes the bubble will be gone.
In the end, its the white is fading out.

Day seven, I wondered how it felt like.
To be able to stand on this edge.
I wonder if you felt the strong wind too.
But probably it doesn't matter.
Because my vision went blank black,
When my body smashed into the pavement.

-hanii

Sunshine

The sun shines prettily today. Calming and comforting. Just like you.

-hanii

Got this from the comment section of pann choa. It's so beautiful (to me).

My most heart fluttering and most heart breaking experience is when I was 14. I had a crush on my class monitor and we kinda in the same friend group so we frequently took the same bus home but we rarely talk. Like, real rare. I was a shy nerd who was not confident of herself so yea.. You can see why.

One day, we got into the same bus home. I sat on the most front seat (one seater) in the bus while he was standing at the entrance of the bus. Then suddenly it happened. I was just looking at him, wishing I could tell him I like him and he looked back at me. We were both looking at each other eye to eye, in the moving bus. Should by this point I remove my stare but I didn't. Neither did he. I felt a longing, a heart skipping beat, a confusion, all at once and we stayed like that for a least a minute without breaking eye contact. Not a word spoken. No awkwardness. It felt like the world was just me and him and it felt like he wanted this too.

We broke the eye contact when there were kids getting off the bus. I looked the other way, he looked the other way, both not daring to look again in each other's eyes. We were hooked on it once and I have a feeling that we both knew what it meant. When he were to get off the bus, I stole another look. This time, he didn't look back. I confirmed what it meant once again and cried myself to sleep when I got home.

I knew and he knew. What it was and what it meant. And what it led us to be. Nothing. He dated one of our classmate afterwards and I moved to a different school a year later. I still can't forget it and I'll treasure it. There's not many times when you feel this much. Thanks to him, I know what it means to have my heart skip a beat and broken at the same time