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 My Short Stories / Fanfic, feel free to post your own here too

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TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 16 2012, 03:22 PM, updated 14y ago

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Chapter 1: Into the depths I go

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This post has been edited by The Amateur Working Bee: Jul 18 2012, 08:44 AM
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 16 2012, 03:37 PM

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QUOTE(iesnek @ Jul 16 2012, 03:33 PM)
Grammar and spelling abit la bro.

But still too early to tell.  sweat.gif
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aiks, got grammar and spelling mistakes? later i check


Added on July 16, 2012, 3:37 pm
QUOTE(DrLaboo @ Jul 16 2012, 03:35 PM)
ini moogle musti suka liao..
sila sambung moogle i demand!
(pls do livestream too)

hehe
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trolololol

This post has been edited by The Amateur Working Bee: Jul 16 2012, 03:37 PM
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 16 2012, 04:19 PM

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QUOTE(eehtsitna @ Jul 16 2012, 04:16 PM)
You need to phrase it properly. The sentence is too long as it is now. That aside, keep it up bro! biggrin.gif
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ah...yeah i was abit undecided on that part, i need to learn how to seperate parts where she speaks and the story, ill adjust it after i learn the proper way to do so xD paiseh
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 16 2012, 04:59 PM

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QUOTE(moodswingfella @ Jul 16 2012, 04:53 PM)
oi ts,

put some erotic scene abit ler in ur story...  brows.gif
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i try lah, not so fast yet thou, let me figure out how to phrase the dialogues properly 1st lulz
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 16 2012, 06:02 PM

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gosh 1 trip back home, the entire thread got derailed...i like it 8D
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 17 2012, 09:57 AM

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QUOTE(shootkk @ Jul 17 2012, 09:42 AM)
Haiyo... derailed until dunno go where ady the thread... >.<"

I got one suggestion... since already derailed so far ady.. why don't we each post one paragraph to advance the story. Rules:

1. We can introduce new characters.
2. We can kill off only characters that we have created before. Other characters by other people cannot be killed off. They can be injured though.
3. Anything can happen but not more than 150 words.
4. Cannot post twice in a sequence. Must wait for at least one other person to post before you post again.

How? Any takers? If not just ignore this... haha.
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rofl, well i dont mind, you can start, im abit tied up atm, boss just dropped like 7 fat files on me, gg
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 17 2012, 10:53 AM

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DH & Wiz yuri? GLORIOUS! keep it coming guys! while i slave off these 7 files trololol...
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 17 2012, 01:21 PM

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continue:

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updated the 1st page, with all the addons, so that we can read the entire story easily, changed my format abit so that we can read properly lulz.

This post has been edited by The Amateur Working Bee: Jul 17 2012, 01:22 PM
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 17 2012, 02:24 PM

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omg lol im getting excited myself ahahaha
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 17 2012, 03:33 PM

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What a hot headed brat”, the necromancer thought, casting a quick spell on his dark skeletal shield, he deflected the arcane bolts away, dropping his mace by his side, he drew a sacrificial dagger, “Such novice magic won’t stop me brat”! the necromancer laughed as he cut a wound on his shield arm to draw blood for a spell, before he could finish, Ginny drew out a second crossbow aiming at both the necromancer and the newcomer, ”I would suggest both of you to stop your duels here, my patience is short” Ginny warned, she wasn’t too keen to be in between a magic duels, the newcomer is a familiar sight to her, wizards were known to be a native of Caldeum, this one looks really young for one, but she wouldn’t underestimate any wizard considering how their reputation were.

Irritated, the necromancer healed his wound and sheathed his dagger, “So to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit from two guests? Both of you owe me some explanation considering this is MY domain, I don’t take trespassers lightly” the necromancer demanded.

Before Ginny could reply, the wizard teleported right next to her, hugging her, pressing her chest against hers grinning slyly, “im her guardian”! Cassie replied mischievously.

Blushing and surprised, Ginny shouted angrily;”What”?! I do not know who you are at all! This isn’t a game”!

Looking on while both ladies were arguing, the necromancer thought to himself; “this is such a bad time to be awake from a magical slumber”, foreseeing a much more complicated situation with the sudden appearance of two strangers in his necropolis.

TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 17 2012, 06:10 PM

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QUOTE(Quazacolt @ Jul 17 2012, 05:13 PM)
being lacuni is suffering
*
no merrrrccccyyyyy
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Jul 19 2012, 04:11 PM

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QUOTE(shootkk @ Jul 19 2012, 11:05 AM)
Bee... waiting for your addition...

The internet connection at my house will not be restored until the 21st so I can't play... so at least let me write the story in the meantime...

Bee... hurry...
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you can continue 1st, im not in office this 2 days, not feeling well, house no MS word la


Added on July 23, 2012, 1:40 pmNEW UPDATE! biggrin.gif sry for the delays

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This post has been edited by The Amateur Working Bee: Jul 23 2012, 01:41 PM
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Aug 7 2012, 01:30 PM

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lololol nice, i dont mind btw, just post, kinda busy and out of mood lately, boss kinda hinting that im slow on my job these days
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Aug 7 2012, 06:06 PM

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AHAHAHHAHA dem, no lesbo scene
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Aug 8 2012, 10:50 AM

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QUOTE(shootkk @ Aug 8 2012, 10:22 AM)
Ok guys.. since you guys have read the opening story I am asking for comments on it.

Pls dun ask for p0rn or similar things ok? I'm not about to write those anytime soon. Sorry guys.. sensous.. I can try but no p0rn.

So you guys want it to continue? Any other comments?
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keep writing, i just enjoy reading regardless of content, i kena food poisoning today
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Aug 12 2012, 12:32 PM

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dah agak dahhhh
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Aug 13 2012, 09:34 AM

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QUOTE(gladfly @ Aug 12 2012, 02:52 PM)
Keep it up guys got talent yo
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fast shootkk i dah tension ni, updateeee!
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Aug 13 2012, 10:21 AM

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nouuuuuuuuuuu i demand another arc! MOAR!
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Aug 13 2012, 12:01 PM

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overall id rate it around 6 to 7ish out of 10

its a good mark trust me, it aint LoTR lmao

making sense wise, id prefer it to be less formal, i mean most of us know how archon looks or sounds like, so basically i can skip the skill names xD other than that its all ok, small gripe about how the mother appeared and consumed her father thou, no explanation.

if only the battle AND fanservice scenes had more actions, it would had been awsm LOL
TSThe Amateur Working Bee
post Aug 13 2012, 02:07 PM

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hmmm, prolly a more closer bond for cassie and ginny(sexually, physically and emotionally LOL), maybe can add a temporary barbarian in that arc, something among the lines, as for what adventure, that one i havent rly figure out yet

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