But you still dated him. That's why he's an ex.

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Added on June 4, 2012, 1:16 pmThis.

As Shakespeare once put it, "methinks you doth protest too much." TS, you yourself seem to think there's something weird about being an otaku - which I frankly find laughable. Manga, anime and toys? That's normal laa. There's an entire world of people who share your interests, guys and girls. Compared to how hard it is to find someone who shares my view that Star Trek: Deep Space Nine is the best of the Trek series...

The point is, if you get defensive about your interests, it's gonna turn people off. It's like you're purposely looking to start an argument with someone and accuse them of looking down on you for being an otaku. No girl likes that kind of guy; no one likes that kind of person. Your hobbies are normal and healthy and there's no reason why anyone should think otherwise. And if someone doesn't share them - if someone isn't interested in the things you are interested in - that doesn't mean they're passing judgment on you. They have their own things to obsess over too. Everyone does.



This post has been edited by n00b13: Jun 4 2012, 01:16 PM

And I'm laughing right back at you. I didn't accuse you of anything; in fact, I think my post was very supportive and positive. Then you went and proved how defensive you are.

And I am telling you why they may have responded the way you did - because of something you did. Or do you only want to hear comments about how they're all b****es for not understanding you?

Dude, I understand you. I'm a geek myself, as should be obvious when I mentioned Deep Space Nine. And I know easy it is to be defensive, because I've been that way myself. I remember getting royally pissed off several years ago when a casual acquaintance didn't even know the difference Star Wars and Star Trek; I'm pretty sure I did not make a very good impression of myself that day.

So if you keep making bad impressions of yourself to girls because of your hobbies, this may be a reason why. You don't like hearing it, not my problem.

You almost got raped, and the lesson you learnt from the experience is "don't date otakus"?

You keep saying that, but I don't think it's comparable at all. Having different tastes in food and drink is not the same as passing unreasonable judgments on people.

Do you even know why you broke up with him? 'Cos it sure isn't clear from what you wrote here. Is it because your personality isn't gentle enough for him? And what does that have to do with his hobbies?

It seems you can't even distinguish between his hobbies and his character. That's how you're being judgmental: you seem to think all guys who collect Gundam figures have the same personality as your ex. Which is a ridiculous thing to think.

And again, what is the connection between his hobbies and the type of girl he wants? Do you think every guy who collects Gundam figurines wants the same kind of girl?

And again, I don't know how the lesson you learnt from this experience is "don't date otakus".

It's like, last Tuesday I had a car accident, and the lesson I learnt is "don't drive on Tuesdays".

This post has been edited by n00b13: Jun 5 2012, 06:34 PM

A person's hobby does not dictate his personality. Which is the only reasonable thing to judge him on.

I think it's laughable that so many people only respond to the last page of the thread without reading the previous replies. I made the exact same point you did to TS (and he didn't appreciate it much).

But that's not even the point of what I'm saying to uest91. Did her ex ever drone on and on about his hobby to her? Was he overbearing about it, or overly defensive? Did he "try so hard to hype it up to her"? She didn't say, and I assume she would've said it if he was. She says they broke up due to incompatible personalities, but she seems to have fixated on his hobby as the sole and only thing that made them incompatible.

If someone keeps turning people off whenever the subject of his hobbies comes up, then yes, it's quite likely that he's being boring and overbearing. If someone passes judgment on another person based on his hobbies, she's quite clearly being shallow and prejudicial.

Over the years, my dad has adopted and discarded maybe a dozen different hobbies. I still remember when he was crazy about carpentry; we turned an entire room of the house into his own personal workshop. After that was photography, and he spent several thousands of ringgit on camera equipment. A few years ago it was scuba diving - again, spent a small fortune on diving gear. Now he's crazy about cycling, and while he did buy an expensive bike, fortunately it's not as expensive as his other hobbies have been.

And through it all, my mum has just rolled her eyes and let him be. Unlike my dad, she's never been physically active. She's always had enough money for herself, the house and the family, so she can't complain about what he spends on. They're still married and happy together, but each of them pretty much do their own thing.

uest91, I think your problem is that you think of your boyfriend as an extension of yourself. You don't seem to realize that a relationship is two people, and each one is an individual. You don't realize that your boyfriend is a different person with different thoughts, interests, feelings - a completely different life from yours. And that's dangerous, because it sets an expectation that neither of you will be able to meet. The whole point of a relationship is to navigate the differences between two people; things that you have in common, and things that you don't. You cannot expect to live like Siamese twins all the time.

Hawkie is right - he will most likely develop new hobbies later in life, and in fact, so will you. And if you like to go clubbing, you should not give that up just because he doesn't like it. The fact that you're so hung up on your (potential) boyfriend's hobbies, and the fact that you so readily gave up a part of your own life for him, both point to the same wrongheaded thinking. You are very naive - and I'm afraid that when the world teaches you the lesson I'm trying to tell you, it will be a harsh one indeed.

(And I know this post will probably piss you right off, but I don't care. )

Do you realize how pathetic you just made yourself sound?