Shoot me, but not everyone who has hobbies or anime hobbies for example will portray themselves to be as one. For example, if you meet someone who totally looks normal, speaks normal, can make you laugh and carries himself like how a man should, maybe you might be interested in him.

But after dating him several times, he invites you to his home. You suddenly found out he is buying and collecting anime toys/models, would you find that unattractive? If you do, then that is prejudice and you prejudge him just from the fact that he has that hobby, even though he is just like any normal guy out there.

Would you suddenly change your opinion on him just based on the fact that he has that hobby? Now, if you tell me that when you go to his house, he suddenly puts on a costume and starts to act like an anime himself, then that would be reason enough to be turn off by that. I am sure many girls would. But if he is just like any ordinary guy, rejecting him for the fact that he buys the models is definitely prejudice to me.

No need to throw tantrums

1. Smoking is appearance. If you didn't smoke during your dates, then that is deceiving him, no? Maybe not deceive but that's not revealing your true self. If you show him you smoke from the very beginning, would your behaviour and personality change? I don't think so. You will still be who you are. There wasn't a need for you to hide it in the first place.

2. Similarly, just because he collects anime toys, does that mean he has to dress up as one when he dates you? Or he has to bring out his collection during your dates? No right? So what if you find out later on. Will his personality change? If he is still the same person, then the only perception is in your mind. I wonder if you even understand the term prejudice. Not every person who collects them acts like them.

3. Wrong. A date is just that, a date. It is just an activity to get to know each other better. Dating doesn't mean you are already exclusive with each other. Dating is about getting to know one's personality. Unless on one of the date, he comes dressed as an anime, even I will also run away.

To judge one based on his interest, rather than for his personality or character is prejudice. Just like calling anyone who drives a car with neon lights Ah Bengs without even knowing that person. Did the person who almost rape you dressed like an Anime, that's why you don't like them?

Yes, it is your right to like or who to dislike, but at least don't be superficial about it. You are judging based on face value and not the character of the person which is more important.

This post has been edited by matthewctj: Jun 4 2012, 05:03 PM

Accuse you? We're just asking, if that person was one of the nicest person you met with no signs of being a nerd or talk like an anime/etc, you suddenly change your mind just because you found out he keeps those as his hobby? That's ridiculing his hobby. You don't have to like his hobby of course. But doesn't mean he suddenly become someone you dislike. Isn't he still the same person, irregardless of whether he keeps anime or transformers or play with gadgets or modify his cars?

If he already sot you, then you suddenly no sot bcoz he keeps toys?

Ahh now we're getting somewhere. At least we understand better. But I only hope that you acknowledge that not every guy who is a fan of gundam/anime likes girls to be girly. If the guy expect you to be a certain way which you aren't, then of course you are not obliged to be who they want you to be.

Hobbies are just that, hobbies. It only becomes an obsession when they start to play out their hobbies and fantasies and forget the reality.

+1000 I guess she truly don't understand the meaning prejudice or prejudging.

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Added on June 5, 2012, 7:59 pmyou're not the only one who has to repeat. Like some of us have said, just because of one bad experience with a guy who likes that hobby, doesn't mean all are the same. If you say they are all the same, then that is where you are obviously wrong.

For example, if you had a bad experience working for an advertising firm, it doesn't mean ALL advertising firms are the same. You put everyone who likes that hobby into the same category. Who says you have to like the hobby? You will reject someone who is absolutely nice just because he collects them?

This post has been edited by matthewctj: Jun 5 2012, 07:59 PM

I am not an anime/manga fan. Heck, I don't even know any of the characters. The only time I see it is by coincidence where they have a festival or gathering or some sorts at a mall. Heck, forget anime/manga.

I collect Matchbox models, they cost me anywhere between RM4-10 each. When I meet a girl, I would be a douche to tell her I like to collect them. The only time she will know if she comes to my place which would mean she would already be interested in me to come to my place. For example, she likes me for my character, for being able to make her laugh or for whatever reasons. So, when she sees my collection, she suddenly changes her mind? Suddenly we're incompatible? That's what we are trying to point out. Who says she have to share the same interest?

She doesn't have to like what I like. It's just a collection, nothing more. Problem would be for that guy to go on and on and talk nothing but anime/manga/hobbies. That is character flaw, not the hobby itself, wouldn't you agree? I mean, surely you have some form of hobby or interest, but do you go on and on about it in front of a girl?

Her contention that it is a waste of money is not for her to judge just as it isn't for us to judge if she buys bags or whatever. Your example of being quiet is a characteristic. But many hobbies, not all, do not form a person's character.

She should have just said that she broke off due to the ex-bf was a douche, incompatible of character (assuming he doesn't act like an anime) and etc. At least then we will understand. Pinpointing a hobby is plain prejudice. And saying that it's a waste of money is also being judgmental. It's very different for someone who earns RM10k a mth and spends RM1k on his hobby as compared to someone who earns RM2k a month with no planning for the future.

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Added on June 6, 2012, 9:59 amBut your initial attraction would be to his personality right? In any case, I would agree if he forces you to have interest in his collections. That shouldn't be the way. Most normal people who have collections are just that, for their personal collection. I doubt many would ask their partner to like it as well. If yours did, then I am sorry that one bad experience made you feel the same to all other collectors. We just wish to highlight that most collectors I know are very normal people. You wouldn't even know they are one if they didn't tell you, but they are some of the nicest people I know.

On the other hand, I fear to imagine those who attends anime festivals and dress up like one, how their actual characters are in real life.

This post has been edited by matthewctj: Jun 6 2012, 09:59 AM

Erm, when a guy goes on and on and talk nothing else except his interest to a girl he barely knows, to me that is a character flaw lah. Or is it personality? But yes, can be remedied. However if his hobby defines his character, like in this case, anime, that is a flaw to me. If he ACTS like his interest, yes, by all means let her know. At least she won't be surprised when she goes out with you on subsequent dates only to find you dressed as your favourite character.

It is fine if you dress up for festivals/shows or collect stuff. I find them very fascinating. I would love for Star Trek Expo to come to Malaysia so that I can dress up and absorb in the atmosphere. But when I am out of there, I'll be damned if I start talking like a Klingon or a Vulcan. It is the logical action Lol ..

Common practice during courtship, is for the guy to talk to the girl and to find out more about the girl. When the girl ask about his interest, tell her briefly about it, then shift the topic back about her. Dating 101 rule of thumb, though not necessarily guaranteed results.

Basically, I won't talk about myself so much lah, that's what I meant. People in general are attracted to people who genuinely ask about them, how they are and their stuff. Not so much on someone who only talks about himself/herself. Well, that's what I think and what seem to work for me. Can't say the same for others though.

Live Long and Prosper

When your man suddenly becomes interested in XYZ(replace it with anything which isn't your interest), it doesn't mean he isn't still the same lovable man you fell in love with. Just because he develops an interest during the course of the relationship doesn't make him a different person. You mean you expect him to be the same for the rest of his lives? And if he starts a hobby, he must have your permission? So, if he develops an interest in XYZ after you both are married, you are going to divorce him just because of that? Yes, hobbies can develop anytime, not just during courting stage.

This is something you have never learned despite so many in here who are actually trying to improve your view on how a relationship works or do not work. We're not here to tell you your ex was THE guy nor tell you that your current BF is a pet. You only read what you want to hear but not understanding what we are saying.

The bolded part clearly shows why some have pointed out how you view things in such a negative manner. That statement clearly means the relationship will break up because of your disrespect for his interest, not because he failed to love you.

This post has been edited by matthewctj: Jun 27 2012, 02:22 PM