I have known this girl, M for 4 years,she's was a student in a college in Damansara. When I was first introduced to her by my friend who came from the same hometown as her, at that time, I have no feelings and basically just treated as a hi-bye friend as she was already in a relationship and the bf was someone from her hometown.
She was usually alone on her 1st year in KL, being polite and concerned, my friend usually get her to hang out with us or include her in our gang's weekend outings or chilling sessions. Slowly the ice melt and whole bunch of us gelled well and i got to know more about her.

On her 2nd year, she broke up with the bf (reason nvr disclosed to us and we didn't wanna pry) and somehow I became her "rebound guy", she will always call me, ask me accompany her for meals and what-nots. We also have long phone conversations daily and etc (i guess stuffs that normal couples do) but nothing physical. Slowly I was attracted to her and thought to formally ask her to be my gf. When i finally had the courage to pop the question (not easy,I am apparently in the Stone Age in this love matters ), apparently I was 1 step late or whatsoever for her reply was she met a guy and she was about to break the news to our group of friends. I accept it as it is and contented to just being a friend again.
While she was with the 2nd bf, I noticed that she had changed, gaining self-esteem to take part in modelling shoots (she is one helluva of a beautiful lady),being more proactive in her college group,clubbing frequently and did not hang out with us that often anymore. She will only calls me whenever she is unhappy or need help or lonely.

She broke up with the bf after 7 months,I don't really know the details but i knew that the bf lose interest and slowly the relationship died off.I admit I was elated to hear that and I was looking forward spending time with her.Things was the same like the last time,we spend time with each other,I was there to help out everything and anything (her college assignments & thesis),fetching her around (her photo shoots,classes,her outings) and help her financially (Not often). I started buying her gifts for her birthday or special occasion like Christmas, Valentines etc or whenever I'm back from overseas traveling (it costs a lot). I display and gave hints i have feelings for her but she never did rejected nor openly reciprocate my advances.

Last year Valentine was the time I confess to her and her reply was she prefer the way things are and was not interested for a relationship but i have seen some of her sms reply to a male friend that were pretty mushy and lovey dovey.I, unfortunately, did not take the news well and I distanced myself from her for quite some time needing it to cool myself down. We usually just communicate by calls or sms but I always politely decline her request for drinks or hanging out. I still did shower her with gifts (couriered to her,not self-deliver). Early Oct last year, we started hanging out again and pretty much it all came back to the same pattern but I knew that she secretly seeing another guy (coincidentally bumped into her several time with the guy when she claims she was sick or busy). When I casually asked, she kept denying and said nothing is happening and I decided to take her word for it.

The last 3 months was pretty much a whirlwind for me,I spent a lot of my time with and money pampering her and I asked her the same question again on January. Needless to say, I got the same reply and I decided to just concentrate in my career and I stop contacting nor taking her calls. 2 weeks ago, she got a job at my friend's company (I introduced her to my friends company on December, apparently my friend decided to hire her on Feb), my friend had den told me that M told him that she have a bf and was in relationship for the last 2 years.

Can you imagine how disappointed I am that I got to know this from a friend who is not even a close buddy?and to be fooled and deceived for 4 years?the time i spent?the money i spent?the effort?my friends calls u a gold digger, a b*tch. I can't and don't want to believe that what they say were true.

I prefer to think that I am naive and u were not using me.

Added response @ 23.02.2012,11.56pm:- I think i owe it to answer some of your questions,some of the gifts are willingly given and some were requested.I don't keep tab on the items bought but I do remember some major stuffs like a Miu Miu bag,Iphones(yes,s is for plural) and a expensive evening dress(boy,the most traumatizing shopping experience in NY).

And to be honest,I am no rich kid,am not endowed with good looks,i weight tonnes in kg and apparently my IQ is lower than a police dog.

Added entry 26.02.2012,I finally had a talk with her to set things straight.I asked her why was she hiding the part that she have a bf and for 2 years,i asked her is she trying to lead me on as a Plan B,fallback guy,rebound guy or just because it was so nice to have a guy who treats her well,serves her and pampered(used the sentence given by some forummer here).I guess she felt that i'm serious and her answer was "I'm sorry I really liked u,u were d guy which treats me the best,none of my ex-es or guy treats me this well.",I was seriously in a mindfu*ck moment then she continued "But we wouldn't work out.",I was like "WTF do u meant by that?",she continued "We are too different,the things u like to do,ur hobbies,ur friends,we are too different.I want a guy where we have similar interest,activities.".This is I blew up,i told her,"U want me to have hobbies like goin karaoke every single weekend?u want me to go shopping every weekend?do pedi & mani?go clubbing every Thursday,Friday & Saturday?Those were not hobbies,it's time and money wasting.How d f*ck u think i afford to buy u things and presents if i do those?How d f*ck i pay for ur meals on those many outings that i was misled as a date?How d f*ck i'm gonna pay for my car and petrol to drive u around whenever u called?Hobbies like collecting rare cards,reading books and rock musics are hobbies (my hobbies).And i tried and did my best to fit in ur activities and had nvr forced u to join mine,that i think is compromising enough to work out differences between 2 individuals.So if u think it will nvr work out,why didn't u speak of it directly and make the point clear earlier?instead of me being misled all these while?".Her answer was "I don't want to lose someone like u."I straight stood and paid the bill and left before being mindfu*ck further and also because I was pretty mad.

1 correction i would like to make for the forummers and readers,the rejection on the recent Valentines was "I am pretty comfortable where we are now and I still prefer my single lifestyle now.I don't wanna get committed."So pls kindly understand why I was so mad and being arcebic speaking to her today.

My conclusion of the day is I had enough of trying to be a gentleman,trying to be an understanding and good guy.It's not worth it,I wish u good luck with whatever ya doin and whoever ya with.What doesn't kill u makes u stronger.Thank you for the best times,thank you for the bad times,thank you for this lesson of a lifetime.

I guess I got what I wanted in the end,a closure for all this and time to move anew.

P.S Thank you,M for being thoughtful enough to not include my looks and body size as ur reasons,it softens the blow and left me with a lil dignity and self-esteem.

This post has been edited by elimi8z: Mar 20 2013, 11:20 PM


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she make u her "backup plan"

to answer your thread title:

you are naive AND she's just using you

let this be a good experience in your life and move on

Dude - you're in the friend only zone.

Did she asks for those "gifts" or did you willingly bought those for her? If its the former - I think its unfair that guys call women gold diggers when women don't reciprocate your feelings after giving gifts, etc.

Think of it as, you courted her, she declined(her loss) and move on.

This post has been edited by gnie3021: Feb 23 2012, 03:50 PM

Did she ask you to spend money on her? Did she ask you to buy her gifts?

I don't think so. You were the one who treated her as if her affections can be bought. You were the one who never had the balls to show her how you feel. Now you're gonna blame her for your own cowardice?

Hi doormat,
Yes she's using you. Yes you're the rebound fella.
Yes, the money, time and effort you spent on her isn't going to come back.
Yes you should believe what your friends have been telling you (gold digger, beach, etc.).
And lastly, let her go and move on. Have more courage next time. If she reject you once, don't continue to be her doormat forever.

at leats, u wakeup now.

good luck.

+1

What I intend to say is all the above. You have no one to blame but yourself.

---

Added on February 23, 2012, 4:12 pm+1


This post has been edited by iastate: Feb 23 2012, 04:12 PM

what happened to you is a history. don't feel that this tragedy is wasting for u. this tragedy is a lesson for u and helping u to know women. nvm for that money or what so ever wasted for her. that is god will. i surely that some day u get a women 10x beautiful and kind than her. she's just a b****.

if go cheong with that money and that time also dont feel like a waste....

haiz....

after all these and you still believe she's being naive?

don't make excuses for her

The question you should ask yourself now is not whether she is using you or not.
But rather, how can you change your mindset from being a doormat to being a man. Have self-respect.
Catering to all the whims and fancies of a girl will not earn you her affection. She'll just get used to your servility and take you for granted. Even good girls will go bad with such pampering.
Using money unwisely will also get you nowhere. It will usually fished you the gold-diggers.

Hi doormat, you are one. people make progress by taking her hand and move on, you sit there and shower gifts and compassion. you need a little tweak on your trick bro, oudated doormat.

wake up bodoh.

This post has been edited by paogiv3r: Feb 23 2012, 04:54 PM

no comment. just feel pity to TS.

should belanja us go cheong, teach TS better strategies to chao lui, by today i just scare you cannot handle those gfs

This post has been edited by paogiv3r: Feb 23 2012, 04:59 PM

Oh.. how nice to have a fren forever given me morale support, shower me with love, gifts and drive me around.. always be there for me.
Best of all.. this is just a fren.. not bf. I still have all the freedom to flirt around.. hahahaha. I don't have to love him.. as long as he love me..untung ya.

Totally understand how you feel..Just move on bro!!

move on
so many pretty girls out there
view that as a past. at least you learned something from it.