Women now have more options when it comes to loveRoses, poems, a daily ride home — that used to be enough to make a woman fall head over heels in love with a man.
No, wait! That used to be enough for a woman to stay with a man.
It makes one wonder... what does it take for the women of this century to want to commit to a relationship or marriage?
Over the last few decades, there has been a slow and subtle shift in the development of relationships.
It used to be hardly surprising and even generally expected for a man to be non-committal.
“I’m not ready,” springs easily from the lips of men worldwide as ladies bite their nails in frustration.
Although that certainly happens right to this day, the reasons that drive a woman to gnaw her nails have somewhat changed.
The modern woman is not lacking in suitors wanting to pledge their life and soul.
No, women of this century have options that our mothers and grandmothers never used to have.
We are surrounded by men, but we only want to marry the ambitious, clever and funny ones.
“I’m not ready,” is no longer just a man’s excuse, it is also the modern women’s genuine confused and frustrated reply to a question they have no real answer to.
“Why is ambition such an important criteria in a partner?” my mom’s friend, Aunty Penny, once asked in genuine puzzlement.
Her daughter is in university and apparently; ambition is a highly desirable and necessary trait for a boyfriend to have.
“Are you sure the young ladies today aren’t just more materialistic?”
That would certainly ring true of some. Yet, if that was the case, we would be better off hoping to meet men with money, not just ambition.
Many of us have been blessed with a better childhood and life than our parents.
We are accustomed to certain comforts and strive to continue being able to enjoy the little luxuries in life.
That being said, most working women can afford their own materialism — if we want a pair of Louboutins or that Chanel tote, we’re just going to pay for it out of our own pocket.
“Some men are only successful later in life. If a guy works hard and provides for you, is that not enough for the moment?”
Aha, therein lies the problem. It used to be enough, until women started to work, earn enough to support themselves and have ambitions of their own.
Women work as hard, if not harder, than men. If, at the early stages of courtship or a relationship, the woman senses a lack of drive or ambition in a man, she is likely to be bothered by it.
One of the main reasons why women push their boyfriends or husbands to strive for more, is fear.
We fear that if we don’t try our best to make our partner see how important ambition and drive is, there is a high possibility our respect for them will diminish over time.
Without respect, attraction and love dwindles and the relationship has little hope of surviving.
The other, and more glaring, issue is that while men might work hard, they may not be able to provide for the woman in the lifestyle that she is accustomed to.
Intelligence, humour and charisma are highly attractive qualities, but without ambition, they may just be decorations with little substance.
Many women today would rather be alone than be with a man who cannot keep up.
It does make sense if you think about it — if you can afford a car and are able to drive, maintain and fix the car, why would you hire a mechanic?
It may sound incredibly cold and ruthless, but this is exactly what is happening in modern relationships.
Money is not as powerful a tool for men as it once was, simply because women can be just as rich and powerful if they put their minds to it.
The doors that were once closed to women are now wide open, and the opportunities for a woman in the workforce are as good as any man’s.
The question that successful women will always have is, “If I can do it, why can’t you?”
Not all women expect their man to be driven, but I daresay almost all of us would like a man who can take charge and make decisions.
“I feel sorry for men today,” sighed Aunty Penny.
“Don’t worry Aunty, integrity, honesty and a kind heart still mean a lot too!” I reassured her.
“Exactly what I said. Poor men,” she said as she rolled her eyes in amusement.
SOS kicap + cili Some girls stay single perhaps because they can't find someone who's ambitious enough, matched to the girl's standards.
Back then, our mothers and grandmas don't have as much career opportunities as women today. Thus for them, a man who can provide is sufficient.
But these days, women can easily work and earn their own. Their own living standards have raised, thus their expectations on their men raise too, accordingly. And the pool of 'qualified men' gets narrowed under modern women's expectations, thus many women rather stay single... Until they've met someone who can match their own standards.
Mar 21 2011, 05:57 PM
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