ermm...

im entering late 20, my gf is mid 20.
this year January i entered a new office. initially it was nothing, but eventually, i guess i had a crush with one of my colleague.
me and my gf been together for 3 years+. we are a very honest couple to each others... on my side... perhaps too much honesty. when i found out i having a good feeling towards my new colleague, i start to think a lot... been struggling about what i want and stuff. all these thoughts been bothering me for a period... im a person that easily think bad side in some certain situation. so i begin to think of break off with my gf, and stuff... and i just cried for no reason... im not sure coz i still love her but had a crush with colleague makes me cry, or think of break off with her makes me cry, or think of how she gonna be after i leave her makes me cry, or guiltiness makes me cry.

so end up, i told her that i think i had a crush on my colleague, but i didnt ask for break off. i just let her know whats wrong with me lately as she notice something wrong with me... ... and yeah... her heart broken into pieces.
the following days, she keep asking me which one i choose. she or my colleague. i seriously have no clue... but 3 years relationship, i really don feel like letting it go... all these happen on Jan2011.

there are really nothing fancy regarding our relationship. once a while some arguments, been to genting, cameron, redang... other than that... pretty normal. we dont get to meet everyday. she live 45mins from my place. due to my working life, it is very tiring for me to meet her on weekdays. so we usually dating on weekends. our relationship can say is pretty peaceful. we always let each others know where we going and doing. we used to think that we are destine to marry each other. she think i'll be her last bf, and husband. i think that she will be my last gf, and my wife. we do talk about our future and stuff before... so yeah... no climax, no downhill moment for our relationship, and we expect to marry each others. but i told her that i plan to marry after 3-4 years though....

back to the story, when this issue happens, she ask me to leave the company... i cant make it, it is my career. she ask me to engage/marry for her secure, i cant make it, as im at confuse state. and there are quite some number of things she ask me do, and i just couldnt make it... she is totally heart broken i can understand... she talked to some of her friend, and i guess one of her friend suggested her that both of us should separate for a short period, no contacts, no sms, msn, no nothing... let me think what i really want. so on Monday (i think 31st Jan2011), she called me up for that... at that moment, i replied that i don want to make it that way. for some reason, i feel that if we separate for a short period, this relationship definitely no turning back. but she insisted... so alright... but right on that night, she called me up and says she missed me and she cant help thinking of me. she don wan make it that way, but she wan me to choose immediately. she or colleague. it really giv me a lot pressure and headache. i dono how to choose. at that moment, to me, she is still most important 1... just that within my heart, somehow i will think of my colleague. i dono how that night ends... i cant really rmber...
on the next day... tuesday... that night she called me up again and ask if i made up my mind... and this time i really stress and pressured. by keep asking i really dono how to reply... as u guys know when starting a couple together, they might be really love each others, sweet talk this and that. but as time goes longer, 爱情(love) will eventually turn into 感情(feeling? or matured state?)。a 感情(feeling? or matured state?) is like a 习惯(habits), u find it normal to have it around, but when it is not around, u just feel something goes wrong. so when our relationship goes into this state, it is really hard for me to really spot and know exactly who i really want, especially not in short period of time. and also as we know, sometimes a crush on someone else is just for temporary... so i really not sure where my heart lies. so on this tuesday night, she called and asked me again. i seriously stressed and pressured. so i just yell out that i really need a period of time to think.. this aint math 1+1=2, get the answer immediately. and i seriously feel like being alone... just alone... single... yeah... this time i need a break... to breath. another heart broken night...

then on following thursday (i think), she called me up and ask if i can go over meet her that night. i go meet her up, we chat, we talked. still same crap, she still asked me which side i choose. end up this time, i told her that i choose her. coz i know her so well... i know that even if we get married, she is the right person. regardless i love her or not, if she is my wife, it wouldnt be any worse, and the 感情 (feeling) can be rebuild back. and as for my feeling towards my colleague, as long as im with my gf, i believe the feeling twds my colleague will slowly fade off by time. eventually, regardless takes long time or short time of period. coz impossible if my colleague gets a bf, married, i still think of her right? and also consider that me and my gf been thru 3 years+ time, longest period for my relationship history as well as hers. and my gf is seriously a freaking good gf, and can be an awesome wife. so i made up such choice. a good happy ending for this night.

but somehow i guess there are some struggling inside inner me. it is not as simple as what people describe fight of angel and demon inside our heart or good and evil inside our heart. it is much more complicated... it is about my conscious and sub-conscious... consciously i know i choose my gf, she is most important for me. i want her. but often times, i will say something that makes her feel sad/hurt. just by mentioning the name of my colleague, she will feel insecure and unhappy. i know it clearly that would make her unhappy, it is in my conscious that i know this fact. but still i split it out for what shit reason i freaking dont understand either... this happens since the day i told her about i had a crush with my colleague, and it continues even after the happy thursday night that i told her i choose her.... before the thursday night, i did some analysis on myself and some self observation... i guess... perhaps... maybe... i don wanna say break to her but i hope she is the one say break up to me... i guess that is what i want.... but funny thing is that whenever she say break to me, i wan to save it back... and even until now? i still don have answer for my such behavior. i guess this is the only explanation why subconsciously i'll do that.

so after that thursday night... things goes up and down... cant really rmber every single day. until valentine day, 14feb.. we celebrate valentine on 13feb as it is sunday. less pack. i don like weekdays... pack jam sux. and when it comes to 14feb, i wanted to stay at home as we already celebrated on 13th. but in the afternoon, she out of sudden she asked for break up... she said 13feb she wanted to ask break up ady 1... her reason was that she will keep thinking about me and my colleague as we work together in the same company. she will think a lot, felt insecure, and hav no confident in our relationship. this is totally totally understandable. so... regardless the jam and shit crap... 犯贱 moments come, i don wanna break. i drove to her house bring her out, try to sort it out. at the very end of the day when i send her home, finally she accepted me back...

on the next day. 15th feb. pub holiday. but i went to office work. her office has no pub holiday for that day, so she is working too. i said i will go look for her on that night. i know she expect me to fetch her back from office, and go dinner together then go for dating. and in fact, i expect myself to pick her up from work and go out for dating too. but as my work goes, i know i wont able to make it. but since i didnt really mention a time to her, i thought just let it be. just let her mum pick her up and i'll go look for her after i done my job. this is seriously my fault for not informing her, didnt letting her know i might be late etc... so i reach her place at 8xx. and she is pissed. no doubt. so this night, she ask for break again... reason is coz she is pissed, and same goes to the previous day. her mind just keep thinking and thinking... she just couldnt get rid of not thinking... and this night, she insist not to accept me back even though i beg her badly. i told her to think clearly and giv me a firm answer... so end up i got back home and think... again and again. i just felt that this relationship is really ended. full-stop. i begin to think about my colleague, how my future will be and stuff...

on wednesday afternoon, we chat over msn... she really love me, and she said she really don want to break... so we together back in msn. break and together within such short period of few days... this time, when we back together... i dont feel a thing. i dont feel more happy to be back together, i dont feel excited or anything. just... nothing... i dono why. i dont freaking know why...... so this goes... and on saturday (19th feb) night, me and my colleagues went for a movie. as i said early on, we usually told each others where we going and what we doing. but this time i told her late. i told her after the ticket is bought. she is unhappy and stuff. smsing each others back and fore... she asked me if she is still in my heart.. this time, i really confused. after the very last break and patch back, i feel nothing at all... so i told her i dono... so she called up, and we talked... end up i said for break off... heart broken night. i couldnt really enjoy the movie at all even though it is comedy.... and i entered the movie after an hour of screening.

now she couldnt eat, couldnt sleep. on 21st feb, monday... she asked to meet me... i go find her that night. as i know she didnt eat at all the whole day, no appetite, im planning to just bring her out for food and go home... but gosh... this time, her mum and her bro come over, ask me sit down and ask me what i want... if i can solve this etc. gosh... it put me so so so so so so so much pressure... i totally cant breath. and end up after some talks, they left me and my gf. so we 2 talked... for the 3-5 hours time there, she been begging me for not leaving her. say she will wait me slowly forget about my colleague etc. and... i really felt it... but, i seriously have no confident to love her anymore. i scared if i accept her now, i will hurt her again in the future... i really confused and f***ing lost. her heart broken into pieces, and my heart wont feel any better either actually. i feel really sad to see her like that too. i wanted to accept her back, but i seriously scared i will hurt her again in future. so this time i just insist not turning back. i wanna be single, alone for a period. so end of that night, she just threw back most of the stuff that i gave her back to me...

2nd day she still ask me patch back, i insist on my stand. then we no contact til now. she block my msn, deleted my facebook... but i know if i ask for patch back now, this 3 years relationship still can be save... but question is... should i move on or patch back??? if previously when i said i choose her for the reason that she can be an awesome wife etc, i still have the confident to giv her love, joy, even though it might take a long period to put me back into good bf state as before. but i guess not this time. i dont hav confident in myself. perhaps i start to fall into my colleague? i've no clue...

i seriously scared she will do some silly stuff... that is what makes me worried the most. as i know she is the type of girl that only stick to family and bf mostly... and im like her whole support, emotionally, physically, mentally.

yeah, this whole incident shouldnt be happen if i able to handle things more maturely, and not to tell her my feeling towards my colleague. it might be nothing end of the day. and up until today, my colleague still have no clue that i had a crush on her. most people might think why dont i go after my colleague, after get my colleague ady then only break with my gf... well, i find it very disrespectful towards my girl if i did that when my gf is still with me. so yeah... my colleague din know i had a crush on her, and neither do i will let her know in any near future.

coz sometimes im still thinking if i wanna patch back my this 3 years relationship. i know that if i still have a chance to patch back and save this 3 years relationship if i want to... yes, up until now im still thinking and confusing. i know i likes my colleague more by now. it is growing, but 3 years relationship aint easy, and my colleague might not end up so well with me even though if we so happen get to be together. who knows right? it can be she rejecting me too. and end up i have nothing. but i need to get my direction clear 1st... i feel like just move forward... but just feel 遗憾 (pity) for a lost of 3 years relationship. and im like just ruined my gf life...

so... any suggestion, comment, opinion on what should i do? move on? go back with my gf? or?? i choose to be single for now... but what u guys suggest/think???

also... hmm... maybe u guys can giv some suggestion/opinion/idea what should my gf do??? i would love to know what others think too if it is my gf that post this topic out and ask for opinion...

and yeah... we broke off ady for now, so probably i should call her as my ex-gf. but just make it simple, gf....

thanks for the long reading, it not might be as detail as i wanted to. but i guess it is pretty much good enuf detail for yall to understand fully my situation... and it is long enuf ady. =='

This post has been edited by Valex: Feb 24 2011, 12:21 AM

sorry for the very late reply...
before reply to anything... i would love type a little bit more essay. PLEASE SKIP this if u dun like... and PLEASE DO NOT REPLY if u skip this.

i join this new company on January2011. on 1st of January, i thought is a 1st day of new year, i should be with my gf. so i went to look for her, and she brought up an argument that very same/similar to the argument she brought up on my 2010 birthday which falls on November. 3rd of Jan is my 1st day of entering office, and i can remember clearly that particular week, i still very moody and unhappy with the argument that she brought up, which is suppose to be a small case. so base on this, i suppose the early stage of January 2011, im still love my gf and as for my colleague, she gave me a good impression, but i dont feel much special feeling towards her. and eventually me and my gf solve up the issue between us on 1st jan, and i've no clue how, but my feeling towards my colleague grows as well. so... does this count as crush? i wrote crush coz i thought it is easier to type and say... is this lust? it can be, but im unsure.

and i can understand i type bloody hell long essay. appreciate those who read it finish and giv constructive comments, and those who didnt read it finish and comment like they are mr.knows-everything/mr.love-doctor/mr.justice please just get a life, you don't have to reply here. just move on with your life, this is something happens everyday on the earth, and it is just that im the one type my problems out... if u feel like commenting, pls read it throughly before comment. else it is pretty pointless to read ur comments, u are just like a clown to me.

someone's reply here makes me feel that he/she is like been kena dump by his/her bf/gf always, thus keep saying things that seriously make me sickening and kinda obvious he/she is either nvr read up my story fully or he/she just fail to comprehends the story of mine... i might be right, and i might be wrong about him/she. but seriously, get a life... and move on, u don really have to reply here if u dun wan too. don hav to rant ur anger here even though my situation might be similar to someone put u into such miserable state over and over again...

also for those who said im a playboy, take my gf like a clothes etc, cincai say break with my gf easily, cincai dump my gf, etc etc... u might or might not read finish my story fully... but let me put it straight and clear... lets not talking about the fact that i had a crush on my colleague, the only biggest mistake i made is to tell her that i had a crush with another girl. i could handle the thing more maturely by hiding it from her and only tells her when i really make the decision. but maybe due to my low EQ, she kind of notice i had a problem and she asked me constantly, and i just told her honestly... it is not easy too for me to be honest to her. and if god put me back to the point when she asked me? i might really consider to hide from her... but with my character and attitude? i guess end of the day i still choose to tell her honestly. i just dont feel right to be with her and think of another girl. i feel the guilt just doing a bit of this. every individual has their own personality and characteristic, u might think choice of hiding from her is the right one. and yes, i think it should be the right way too, but sometimes each individual characteristic and personality takes into account too....
BUT the thing is, i never wanted to leave her. i chose her, in fact everytime she ask for break, i tried to patch back. i've no freaking clue why yall people think i take my gf like a clothes, im playboy etc... i can understand she asking break with me, im not saying she shouldnt say break with me. but with all the questions and things happens around (not sure if yall read it all on my topic), break, patch back, break patch back case keep repeating... her family misunderstood as she told her family only partly here and there. even when she say break to me, her family knows we 2 break, but they never know it is her that says break to me. etc... on the very last patch back, i just feel... emptiness. i dont feel a thing. i've no clue if i still love her or not at that point... and seriously, i just couldnt accept myself for thinking other girl when being with my gf. same goes to me, if my girl would think of other guy when being with me? i wont feel good either. so i guess ultimately, it is the guilt that makes me tell her honestly. and now im in much bigger guilt. u think leaving her been easy job for me? HELL NO, i feel the guilt too. but if being with her keep thinking others, it is totally pointless... different individual has different perspective. u can say im wrong, u can be right, can be wrong too. but sometimes things is just subjective. if yall still think im a play boy, i take girls like a clothes etc? just go ahead. she is my 2nd gf that i recognize and never i want to make it this way. neither do i see this gonna happen.



i can feel that u been through this similar phase too from ur reply. thanks for that... i guess i need some time to really decide. im seriously scared to hurt her for another time, thus chose to be single for now. thanks again bro. and yeah, it is tiring...



i never neglect my gf before... from the very 1st day, we memang never really date on weekdays. we only come out on weekends. and maybe some certain special days on weekday. but we do have sms every single day without a stop through out the 3 years relationship (except when some little arguments come)... and i actually do calls her every here and there for some quick chat...



god bless the couple. as for ur question, i've no clue as for now....
but ur last advise enlighten me. thanks...



personally i feel there is a chance that me and my colleague dont even able have a start. she might not even interested in me at all. i've no clue...
not that i willing to take the risk or not, i just feel so wrong to be with my gf and thinking bout others at the same time. is the guilt. i know i unable to handle this maturely. trying hard though... kinda naive in a way... i know.



u might be very harsh, and it is kinda sick to read this. but u do have a point and i do understand this. but sometimes the outcome do have to take one individual personality/characteristic into account.
and yes, i unable to handle this issue maturely in deed is my fault. thanks anyway....


no... i don think i hav that kind of feeling in this issue...
regarding ur perspective of marriage, it can be vary depends on individual. in my point of view, sometimes u don get to marry with people you love, but people that love you instead. sometimes you marry people due to responsibility, regardless accident pregnancy, long term relationship feeling guilt to leave etc... and also... most importantly at the late age of a human, people just need a companionship. someone that can talk, hav topic, able to live together happily will do... it can be vary...

appreciate for your suggestion. thanks a lot...


exactly what im thinking. but probably few days wouldnt be enough for me. im not sure... but thanks.


very inspiring and good metaphor...
thanks a lot bro... and thanks for taking your time to read. much appreciate it.



is the guilt make me let go. i don plan to pursuing my colleague at the moment. just being single for a period 1st. i've no clue where im heading now, lost of direction.
and this is 1st time while im in relationship, im attracted to someone else. in term of what im attracted, i've no clue. it just a feeling...
neither do i wan to do anymore harm/hurt to her. thanks a lot for the reply. much appreciate it.


i cant believe u finish it too. respect to you and thanks for the time you spent.
i do understand what u trying to say. but the guilt holds...

this is very entertaining.


that must be tough for you. hope you are doing good now.
until the moment im clearly know that i want her, i will. thanks...


im team leader, she is under me. i have to lead, guide, teach, and communicate with her...
in term of appearance, she is just okay. not super hot, not super sexy, in fact i find someone in the office prettier than her.
fantasizing happens when my gf says broke to me. me and my gf do have happy moments. thanks for the comments. even though u didnt read it all, but your reply do have some points.


never i think that it is worth to giv up. but it is just feeling wrong to hav such thinking when being with my gf...
and logically, yes, logically definitely i feel not worth to giv up. but seriously, follow my heart or logic?

yeah. trying to make it detail so people can judge better. sorry for being such a long story. im shocked too upon finish typing.
1- im unsure on that by now.
2- i guess so...
3- it's pretty hard...
4- i hate empty promises. but when i made up my mind clearly, i will. thanks.
5- cant, im team leader, she is under me. i have to lead, guide, teach, and communicate with her...


i guess so. being handled immaturely.


thanks for understanding bro. much appreciate it. respect for your speed reading too. notice u to be 1st to reply my topic in short period of time.


i cried for 1.5 month relationship too. sorry to let u know that im pussier than u thought. but that's me.
even when i break with my current gf, i cried too. im not sure due to guilt or due to i still love her. i guess it is guilt, but i srsly unsure.

and personally i dont think it is the time length that decide whether you should cry or not, it is how much heart you pour into the relationship determine should you cry or not.


my bad...


thanks bro. wish u all the best too...



i know... thanks... i need some time...



i've no clue where u get the idea that i think myself are great and cool for that particular reason.



being in a relationship is different from extending the relationship into marriage.
you can compare my 3 years relationship with others 7-10 years relationship before marriage. but if speaking of after marriage (since u talk about wife), i think it is incomparable. coz that is consider different stage. when it goes to different stage, it comes with bigger commitment and responsibility. after marriage, is 1 brand new stage. giving birth the child is another stage. rising the child is another stage. do something together with ur kids is another stage. when grows old, having a companion together is another stage probably last stage.

but again, im not saying you are wrong. i do understand what u trying to say. but probably just different individual point of view.


basic question that i unable to answer by now.


im sorry that people like me put you into such pain. trust me, i do feel your pain. im sorry...

i would love to say that u made the right choice to ask for break.
and im really glad that you 2 stay back together by now. may u 2 last forever and live happily ever after. god bless...

that's what im doing. thus i chose to be single and didnt plan to tell my colleague anything yet for now.


i do understand your point. thanks though...



u got the point there too...


you obviously know my gf. and i personally dont think u read all these long msg. but if you did, i guess you just cant think rationally.
but ultimately i think u didnt read it thoroughly. i already said that i wont tell my colleague anything yet, neither do i will in any short period of time. and now u ask me enjoy my new relationship. please dont make yourself looks like a clown.

wanted to ignore ur reply, but i notice that u know my gf. and you seems to be very one sided, which i dont find a big issue. but by saying if i still have conscience, please dont patch back? you sounds like trying to woo her now...
and your reply is the most naive among all. i guess u think that by saying how guy should love pamper etc stuff here, might giv her a better impression of you? so you can court her easier? seriously, grow up. you dont have to do this in forum.



im considering to be the f***er u said. yes, i feel the guilt, and partly that is what makes me wonder here... but of coz, i'll need to make sure even i patch back with her due to guiltiness, i have to giv her my best. else it will be meaningless.

im not sure is it lust... not yet.


thanks...

thanks for the advise.... i do understand the ball is round.



im not sure if this is consider temptation on new things... i srsly need some more time to really giv my mind clear of what i want.

This post has been edited by Valex: Feb 26 2011, 03:30 AM

This post has been edited by Valex: Feb 26 2011, 03:23 AM

probably u are right... and yeah, im f***ing messed up now. wouldnt be posting here if im not. thanks for the comment.

as in under my shoe or under my ex-gf shoe?
im not sure if it is really no turning back, but if i would wanna turn back, i got to fix myself on my side 1st totally...

---

Added on February 27, 2011, 11:34 amlooking at ur avatar, it sounds like a fantasy movie dialogue... u might be right, might be wrong. idk.

This post has been edited by Valex: Feb 27 2011, 11:34 AM

i guess all the drama ends here.
we are both back together and we'll b getting better and better.
thanks for yall advises and concern. much appreciate it.

thanks bro~~~

and also thanks for the advise. but i don really take any of my colleagues as colleagues. they are all friends to me. it is the kind of environment and culture that this company has all along and im glad i know all bunch of people here. i dont find myself superior than anyone here even though im the lead here, i myself learn something from them too. so... to me the title is just a title, other than carrying heavier responsibility for deadline and having better experience than others for guidance , im exactly same as the rest. (even my salary doesnt fit the title... TT^TT) even my general manager and other upper management also we do chit chat non-work related stuff, and i dont plan to change anything in that way.

but of coz, being professional and not favouring any individual in term of working is a must. knowing how to separate work(公事） and personal（私事） is a need too, which is what im doing all the while, regardless i had a crush on that particular colleague or not.
something i learn few couple weeks ago is that as i mixed too well with others, sometimes the staff tend to not so scared me... 爬我头啦。so at times, got to be serious and strict to them too. so far so good. the team is great. haha... but of coz im not saying your way is wrong, but i guess each people have their different way of handling and lead the team.

even ancient time, 刘备 and 曹操 are totally different type of leader in the same era.

This post has been edited by Valex: Feb 28 2011, 11:51 AM

nop. aint a quantity surveyor here.

thanks for all the support guys...
much appreciate it. even though i cant really foresee what lies in the future, but lets hope our relationship will gets better and better.

i'll close the topic now since it is past.