You probably are aware who i am.

Very small world we live in

Actually after i have meditated more than 10 years, i can see the 5 skandhas very clearly - i am able to slow down and speed up the continuous sequence of the 5 skandhas (rupa or form, vedana or sensation, perception, mental formation and consciousness) in everything i do. When i first read about these 5 skandhas, i tried very hard (in fact too hard) but nowadays due to my strong daily mindfulness, i am able to see the continuous and transient nature of life quite clearly and how the 5 skandhas is continuously replayed over and over again in our daily life.

I now can see the brilliance of what the Buddha is trying to convey to mankind and without his teachings, i probably would have need depression medication due to my temperament. I cannot believe that i have been so lucky to stumble upon Buddha's teachings (i used to laugh when people start talking about religions when i was younger as i never believed i needed it). Now that i am nearly 60, i can see how Buddhist teachings have benefited me so much.

Very true what you say. If i had lived in Malaysia, i doubt i will have as much time to practice meditation. I have been extremely lucky in that i had a job for life (mine was a tenure position at Sydney Uni so it was a practically unsackable job unless my employer opt to pay me out) and i was blessed with my own room in my last 12 years before i was paid out. I was able to meditate easily 10 hours a day (7 days a week) since Feb 2004 when one of the teachers at Bodhi Kusuma at Surry Hills/Sydney taught me vipassana and samatha meditation techniques. I was so keen then about Buddhism as i felt my suffering were slowly disappearing after i discovered Buddhism (it was like as if i found a miracle cure for my mental hardships).

Now i have been back in KL for close to 12 months now, life here in KL is very fast and busy. I doubt i would have been able to be able to meditate as much here in Msia - life is Sydney for me is very quiet as i have no kids and so i have a lot of free time. I had a very easy job and i was the most senior in my team (being there the longest) so i was able to choose what i wanted to do. Now looking back, it is truly a dream job. Sydney Uni has a very big campus so we were allowed to roam around the campus so most times the directors will not check what were doing or where we were.

Meditation made me much more mindful of the moment to moment change in our daily life - when i was meditating, i get into very strong absorptive states (jhanas) and sometimes i can be in such states for many hours. When we experience the jhana states, it is very peaceful and serene and we just want to continue being in that state. I am writing to share with you my personal experience and hopefully we can share our experience with others who walk this path.

Actually throughout the day, i am quite mindful and i seldom forget things. Pace of life in KL is faster and i find it a little harder to maintain mindfulness compared to Sydney where life is a lot slower (not so much activities throughout the day so less busy in my life in Sydney).

I dream about my death very often (about once every week/fortnight). I feel very fearful when i dream (because our imaginative faculties are active but our critical faculties are dormant according to Tibetan Buddhism which is why we have silly dreams when we sleep). Once i gain consciousness (wake up from the dreaming state), the fear goes and my mindfulness takes over. I used to practice death meditation where i meditate about my death (which is imminent except we have not reach the state where we realise it is a matter of when). I have been using the death meditation method where i meditate on my imminent death (pnce we realise it is a matter of when the death will happen). Nowadays this non-self realisation of myself is quite embedded (very prominently) in my mind as i have been using various methods of non-self meditation for more than 10 years - i was so fascinated by this meditation (non-self) that i didn't do anything but meditate (only stop meditating for eating) for about 9 years - my wife thought i was going crazy as all i did whole day was meditating. I didn't watch any tv (except for 5 minutes evening news). I had some problems initially because my meditation object was very focused initially but i managed to get back onto the correct path after consulting some monks.

Buddhism is the best thing that happened to me in my life.

This post has been edited by Garysydney: May 10 2022, 10:06 PM

Yes - i follow the Thai forest tradition. I follow a lot of Ajahn Chah's methods.

Initially we focused on the breath and later on with meditation of our body (going from top to bottom of the body). With this samatha meditation, it is usually not sufficient as monks will also advise you do a bit of vipassana (insight) meditation where the awareness is not fixed on one object. I had problems initially with vipasanna because my mind was too relaxed and i started to hallucinate (like there were 2 persons wanting to do different things at the same time). Some people say the devil has gone into a person with this kind of experience. As an example when i am in a meeting with a big group of staff, i have the inclination to shout out loud (people say meditation can cause people to go crazy without proper guidance) and i was experiencing this. It was like i have two persons inside my mind - each one opposing the other. I managed to get the problem sorted out but it took about 2 and a half years. I later found out it is because my meditation object is not clear enough. I don't want to talk too much about this because i believe there is more good in Buddhism than bad..

I think a lot of things were added on by followers after Buddha passed away. Some followers then became sifu and gave their 'inyterpretation' of what Buddha taught.

My wife is following the Pure Land tradition and she is so supersticious!! I follow the Theravada (Ajahn Chah) tradition and we always argue what Buddha taught. She tried to be vegetarian (i eat meat but don't eat a lot due to a healthier lifestyle).
She always gets angry when i bring up names of people who have died (she says the dead spirit will come and haunt me when they hear their names being mentioned ).

My wife always think she is Mahayana and i am the lower Theravada sect so her Mahayana is so much more higher than my lesser vehicle

This post has been edited by Garysydney: Apr 14 2023, 11:55 AM

Agree with your analysis.

Sometimes we cannot see things happening too close to us - good to have people outside offering thir perspective.

When i was working in Sydney Uni, our dept allowed us a hour free meditation class to de-stress every week.

Our director was very pro-meditation as he has been practicing mindful meditation for a few years.

Mindful meditation is used in many 'psycho clinics' (pardon my crude exxpression ) to treat depression/anxiety in Aust.

I am glad i have found Buddhism in my life - if i had not, i would have landed in cuckoo land.

I thought i had very good temperament when i was in Sydney. In Sydney, everything is so organised and we don't get much stress in day to day life. We became so used to doing our own thing. When i came back to KL, i realised how quick my temper flashed up when people cut me off when driving or when people jump queue when lining up. Now slowly with my constant moment-to-moment awareness, i have slowly learn not to react to unfair situations (like being bullied). All this thanks to my Buddhist teachings