Do away with this first sentence:
"I am pleased to submit my application for XXXXX post available
in your company."
Just a simple opener "I'm interested in the XXX post that was advertised".
Or if it's not advertised and it's a write in, then "I'm interested in XXX post in your company and would like to apply if there's an opening."
Then try to put everything short but concise sentence that makes the "punch". In modern world, it's more easier to read instead of long windingparagraphs.
EG:"I graduated from Universiti Teknologi Malaysia in Bachelor of
Engineering (Chemical). I have also successfully completed a short
course on Occupational Safety and Health in Universiti Tun Hussein Onn
Malaysia. For your information, this course is certified by National
Institute of Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH) of Malaysia as
well as Department of Occupational Safety and Health (DOSH) of
Malaysia and will enable me to get the Green Book."
I graduated from Universiti Teknologi Malaysia in Bachelor of Engineering (Chemical) and successfully completed a short course on Occupational Safety and Health in Universiti Tun Hussein Onn Malaysia; certified by National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH)and Department of Occupational Safety and Health (DOSH).It's sort of insulting and undermining the employer by putting this "For your information".
And on the internship part, you may put it in bullet points on what you've accomplished instead of the long winding paragraphs that I advised earlier. It's easier to read.
The "TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF QUESTION" is unnecessary and should be integrated back to your contents of your cover letter. And again, precise and short. Maybe presented in bullet points.
p/s: after this topic had reached a certain amount of quality inputs; I shall merged it back to the existing pinned topic for easier one point reference.
http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/59159This post has been edited by b00n: May 5 2010, 02:14 PM