Jokes that ive read somewhere

John Terry has explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty

I lol at this! 

http://www.rs.goal.com/en/news/9/england/2...hargreaves-from
Hargreaves axed from UCL squad??hmmm...

Fabio Capello’s hopes of having Owen Hargreaves fit for the World Cup finals have suffered another huge blow after Sir Alex Ferguson removed the Manchester United midfield player from his Champions League squad.

Ferguson’s decision raises fresh doubts about the player’s chances of returning to action this season. Hargreaves has been sidelined for the past 16½ months after having operations on both knees to cure chronic tendinitis that has restricted him to 25 starts for United since his projected £20.2 million move from Bayern Munich in July 2007.

Ferguson, the United manager, claimed last week that he hoped to have Hargreaves available for the first leg of his team’s Champions League round-of-16 tie away to AC Milan on Tuesday week.

But the decision to replace him with Ritchie de Laet, a 21-year-old full back who has made only four starts, in the revised 25-man squad submitted to Uefa this week for the Champions League knockout phase is a worrying turn of events for United and England.

Patrice Evra believes Sir Alex Ferguson will remain in the Manchester United hot-seat until 'his last breath'.

The legendary boss has already clocked up over 23 years at the Old Trafford helm, and is showing no signs that he is ready to slip into retirement any time soon.

He had previously announced that he would be stepping down at the end of the 2001/02 campaign, but made a dramatic U-turn after realising he would be lost without the stresses of Premier League management.

Ferguson may be closing in on his 70th birthday, but he has lost none of his enthusiasm for the game and remains as passionate and determined to succeed as ever.

French full-back Evra has admitted that the experienced Scot danced into the dressing room like a 'child' after seeing United overcome arch-rivals Manchester City in the Carling Cup semi-finals last week, proving that winning means as much to him now as it has ever done.

That continuous drive to be the best is unlikely to ever fade, and for that reason Evra believes Ferguson will never be able to drag himself away from the Red Devils.

Strong

"Sir Alex is a child. We saw it against Manchester City. He's so passionate," he said in The Sun.

"He was jumping up and down like a child after that game.

"You could be forgiven for thinking he'd never won a game before!

"At 70, he doesn't see himself taking it easy at home reading a book or watching TV. Personally I think that would bore him.

"I don't think he will call an end to his career. As long as he's strong he will carry on.

"He will stay until his last breath."

John Terry may offer his resignation as England captain by the end of the week as he pledges to do what is needed to help England's World Cup cause.

hahaha... yeah, I never expect our smallest players on the pitch to get that captain responsibility, well he captained it quite well i could say.
Beating VDS, Rooney, Scholes & others old timers... SAF really put his trust on Evra capability