Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

Every avant garde artist needs a USP (unique selling point)

In my debut foray into the realm of fine arts, I will hereby present my signature work...........The Inconsequential Yellow Man
Pretext: This mindblowing picture is not drawn on canvas. It is not painted. There is no frame.

The work itself:
Two Horizontal lines right thru the middle. It is yellow. The lines look sad, it divides. An outline of a man at the edge of the horizon. He is yellow. It doesnt matter. A larger outline of a man, his arms folded in a domineering way. Dark shades colours the man. Yellow belt, yellow hat, and yellow shirt is drawn on him. His face is peppered with yellow pimples. He is smiling, but only just. He looked pleased with himself, and rightly so. In his pocket, a yellow watch. No stains on his shirt. Trees are drawn above the horizon.

The artist bows.

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I decided to be funny and tell him I was Iron Man and nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

Today, my dog started humping on my legs. He always does this and and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this, I said "How do you like that!"
My mum walked in. FML

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks *******, I got it," in plain English. FML

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I like. I looked into his eyes and said, "Your eyes are so blue, like the ocean." He replied by saying, "Your eyes are so brown... like my shit". FML

i like reading in eras light.

i could copy pasta a random wall of text and change the font. just so i could read in eras light.

wey...where's my FML....

and sorry,i cant pay the t-shirt.always forget. .sorry ya bro

your gf ?