Sigh.

Some of you know my story and about how I'm going to get married sometime mid next year. I had planned to keep things simple but it seems that suddenly things are going out of control...

As usual, all the problems of getting married have to do with MONEY. It seems interesting that there are already topics like this opened before I even posted this up. Here's the issue.

My fiancee is feeling very sad because she feels that as the bride, she should not have to pay for anything and that asking her to chip in on her own wedding is sad and degrading. Me on the other hand, cannot afford to pay for the entire ceremony for the following reasons.

1. Her mum requests a dowry of 3k+ which is cheap by most standards so I'm not complaining there.
2. Also requests 3 different Ang Pow. Its for tradition but the amount she didn't state yet.
3. Fiancee request Photo shoot worth about 2k++ (Damn expensive for photos you wont look at 6 months after your wedding)
4. The big whooper (Wedding dinner costing about 5k)
Haven't cover the the alcohol, gown rental and much much more...

All this I have to cover because my fiancee feels it is my responsibility...
So within the span of a year, I need to put away slightly over 10k (12 to be safe) only to watch it disappear...
And my fiancee wanna go honeymoon later as well....
Sigh...

I argued with her about this already and no solution in sight...

Damn sad...

Wedding ceremony is such a waste of money. Just register and inform both of your family and friends that you're married by texting them, problem solved.

hope next time when married she wont think that as a wife , to chip in into the house or furniture is sad or degrading .
if she wants a honeymoon so much , she should chip you too . Irresponsible .
You people say all these is cheap , i would personally like to see you ppl earn that money .

What? Seriously, WHAT? Isn't marriage a union of two people? Isn't marriage something that both parties, like a relationship, is something that both work on together?

Even if I have enough money to cover all the expenses, I personally would think long and hard about whether its worth marrying someone with such an attitude.

A spouse with a "what's yours is mine, what's mine is mine" attitude will only lead to more problems down the road.

in laws asking for money? that is outrages. i would give the amount that i can afford to. they are not selling their daughter, why are they setting up a price?
ang paus is for the good luck and chinese customs. the amount is entirely not important. but not to that extent of giving just RM10...

if my future wife wants a GRAND wedding, she has to be prepared to help me... i'm not a millionaire.. i think my gf understand me well about this
i don't mind spending for my future wedding, but it has to be within my affordability. taking loan for my wedding is a big NO.

i see a lot of idiots actully talks about how cheap it is.

you can't compare cheap or expensive based on you POV. you might be thinking that's cheap because you're in different income bracket compared to TS

its his fiancee mindset that need a major overhaul.

Lay off the personal insults if you have nothing better to say.  Not everyone subscribes to your gold-digging ways.

in laws asking for money? that is outrages. i would give the amount that i can afford to. they are not selling their daughter, why are they setting up a price?
ang paus is for the good luck and chinese customs. the amount is entirely not important. but not to that extent of giving just RM10...

if my future wife wants a GRAND wedding, she has to be prepared to help me... i'm not a millionaire.. i think my gf understand me well about this
i don't mind spending for my future wedding, but it has to be within my affordability. taking loan for my wedding is a big NO.

Dont say like that la, you try to look at things on the parents side, they're handing their daughter to you, means she will be the boys family side, the grandson all follow the boys surname. And its only respectful that you at least compensate back something and this for 2000 years ago has been practice the boy pays the in laws money/gold.

A respectful boy is the boy that I admired.

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Added on May 12, 2009, 9:17 am

ask around it is cheap ESPECIALLY IN TOWN....it is still cheap if you compared to Mentakab wedding

F1meteor stated that he would not go into debt to host a lavish wedding dinner and here you are encouraging just the opposite?  I don't mean to be presumptuous but in your mind's eye, jumping into a debt hole is fine and dandy as long as the woman is pleased (at least for like-minded women like you).

Funny how some people like to selectively adopt "traditions" in their lives as long as it's advantageous to them.

Re-read your own postings.  Postulating a person's relationship status (i.e. implying  that no girl wants him as a bf) and manhood soley due to a single posting are insults.

It may be insensitive to you but certainly not to a whole lot of level-headed women out there.

I do not need to read your entire thread - the first posting itself paints a glittering (pun intended) picture of your gold-digging persona.  Looks like you do not even realize what you are writing and posting.

agreed 
did u pay a single cent for ur wedding ?

den u are lucky to have a rich husband , not every guy can do that .

I support rich guys to have as many wives as they can afford to.

What I know about women is that while they all plan to get married one day, they constantly think about their dream wedding. Yes it may only be a symbolic gesture of holy matrimony but it matters. Unlike men, women start planning their weddings early on in life. Yes marriage is more important but that doesn't make the wedding itself any less important if that makes sense. It may not make sense to most men but heck, it does to women and we have to respect that.

I doubt any woman would disagree with me.

I will add 5 cents here, first 12k for wedding is not expensive, I don't understand people here, why married when you cannot afford it, I am a guy and I actually support girls looking for husbands who can support them, sure wife must understanding and all sorts, but based on research, women likes security and the fact is that RM12k is not a lot for wedding so the wife/gf is not willing to chip in is understandable, do you ever think from women's point of view. Research or studies have shown that women actually have planned their wedding since they are 5 years old. They have been thinking and thinking and planning up to the time of adulthood. You said couple give and take?? This a a fair way, man pays all, children follows guy's family name, if wife pays some, would you also give and take and some children follow the wife name and also your name follow the wife name?? Everything has it's price, women follow husbands name, children follow husband name and wife has to give birth and look after the children, the least a man can do is pay for the wedding!! I always tell people this, if you cannot afford to marry then don't do it, wait till financial ok, it is downright selfish. I am not a hyprocrite, my financial is not at the right way yet so I don't get married and have gf.  Marriages do go down in unhappyness due to financial and that is a fact.

I'd say cut your cloth according to your coat. If you find it technically feasible to save up enough for the wedding costs involved, then I think by all means, you should spend on such an important occasion with an open heart. However, if you truly are hardpressed, to the extent that you might have to borrow money to satisfy your fiancee's wishes, & she does not care about that, then yes.....you do have a point.

Ah yes, fall back to physcological studies, biological, culture, tradition or whatever to justify spending beyond one's means on a single event.

It makes as much sense as saying men should sow their seeds with as many fertile women as possible because it's hard-coded in their DNA.

Ever heard of personal choice?

In my opinion TS has money he's being stingy. Look at his own quote:

"So within the span of a year, I need to put away slightly over 10k (12 to be safe) only to watch it disappear..."

When he said only to watch it dissapear, usually when people speak in this manner he has the money, and by speaking only to watch it dissapear means he is indirectly speaking the wedding is not worth it. That's what he really means.

Even barista and you sensed it, I have a feeling it's not the money but the fact TS is not willing to spend the money and think it is not worth it.     

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Added on May 12, 2009, 4:31 pm

I digged up TS old post, I found this. Looks like his gf is not money minded at all assuming it's the same girl.

Poll: Older woman VS younger woman
ravager877  Posted on: Jul 7 2008, 01:04 PM
Newbie
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Group: New Member
Posts: 2
Joined: Aug 2006

I always date older women. I'm 24 and currently dating a 30 year old. She's very nice and understanding. She listens to me but has her own opinion but still respect a man's decision. Love her very very much. Hehe. When tired she never complain when i ask her to drive and if I'm not free to fetch her she wont bit** and complain. Instead she dont mind to take public transport. She never need my money cause she got a stable job which pays well and she also know how to appreciate money so she never overspend.

In bed... Hehehe. You guys cannot imagine the things she will do and allow me to do to her. Hehehe. Seriously very very hard to find girl like her.

In short. Older women all the way. Once you taste it, you will never look at younger women ever.

TS is stingy this the prove. In his own quote "2) On a first date, this gal brought me to a restaurant and made me pay for the RM90 lunch."

Wow, first date RM 90 and he whine he payed, this is the FIRST DATE. Read me, first date!!
No Money No Honey?
ravager877  Posted on: Aug 1 2008, 10:46 AM
This is for those who are in or have been in a relationship.

Notice that I'm not asking IF money is important in a relationship cause 95% of all people here will just say its not and that there's more to love than the size of your wallet. I don't wanna know if money is important cause it usually does become an issue in today's relationships. No contest there.

The question here is how much do you spend on your gf or receive from your bf (normally guys give to gals).

Couple of situations I'm already aware of.

1) Friend bought a RM250 necklace for his GF on her bday.
2) On a first date, this gal brought me to a restaurant and made me pay for the RM90 lunch.

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Added on May 12, 2009, 4:48 pm

I also did few hard investigations using search engine, deep web search using spokeo, don't ask what I investigate but I investigate what I needed to know.    

It seems that despite the widespread availability of education, there are still a number of folks in Malaysia who believe in some caveman postulation that only the man provides and the woman is the receiver.

Spare us your cheap and inaccurate history lessons about gender conditions.

For quality information regarding gender roles and how education has empowered BOTH men and women, I recommend the following book:

Gender Education & Equality in a Global Context
Conceptual Frameworks and Policy Perspectives
By Shailaja Fennell, Madeleine Arnot
In the 21st century, MORE women are working productively than ever before at any point in history.  BOTH parents take care of their children.
Due primarily to education and a more effective dissemination of quality information.

Read about real social conditions before you debate with me about this subject.

hey moorish, some people say it's modern and shared burden, so I am wondering if you are single, I know you are not, i wonder if your bf, you offer to pay half or everything and some children change to your family name or your husband change to your family name, I wonder who would agree in view of the concept "modern"