"can and will leave their partners" ????    Where did that come from??
There is nothing that needs to be retracted.
Dont put words in my mouth. You have possibly just made the most pessimistic assumptions from what I said.
What I am talking about is reality. Ok, consider this:

1) Generally, everyone settles for the most attractive (soc dominant for women, fertile body for men) partner they are culturally compatible with
2) By the time a couple settles down, there will be emotional baggage. LOVE... yeah L-O-V-E...plus children and social connections common between them.
3) People stay monogamous because of LOVE....
BUT IF

1) The guy finds out that there are more attractive girls going after him...
OR
2) The girl finds out there are more eligable guys going after her...

Then there is a chance that the marriage will hit the rocks and that's when divorce comes to mind.
HOWEVER
By the time most people have raised two or three kids.. ie. they are in their late 30s:

1) Most men will never have more attractive girls going after them
2) Most women will never have more eligable guys going after them
EXCEPTIONS
1) Rich, socially dominant men can actually find more attractive girls - sleep around.
2) Pretty, attractive women who marry young (eg. early 20s) to a guy who turns out to be a loser (ie. non-socially dominant)... and knows that she should be with someone more worthy can actually find more worthy guys - sleep around.

^Im not saying everyone is like that... In fact.. most people will never be put in that situation and will never have the opportunity to do so. Not all guys are rich and socially dominant. Not all girls are hot. In the same way a poor hapless peasant who never had the opportunity to be corrupt cannot REALLY claim to be clean. Most monogamous people who never really had the opportunity to sleep around with more attractive people cannot REALLY claim to be moraly righteous.
EVEN IF
1) A guy knows he can do better, he may choose to stay monogamous due to personal convictions (eg. religion and spirituality), practical reasons (scared of STDs/ JAIS raids) and LOVE!!!
2) A girl knows she can do better, she may choose to stay monogamous due to personal convictions (eg. religion and spirituality), practical reasons (scared of STDs/ JAIS raids) and LOVE!!!

LOVE = commitment lah...

You know the scary part is, everybody will say and claim they're committed, (period) yes i believe, but for how long?

you ever hear in a wedding a man/woman says I'm not committed? We dont have a future reading commitment detector.

Divorce happen, and it is a common thing now, I heard from lawyer 2 most common factor in divorce is 3rd party and financial problem.
heart change and people change.

Thats why we need to take care of ourselves....don want later husband runaway with some girls and left you with 3 kids to take care.

True...like what happen to 3dassets, they're bad people out there I wont deny this. But those are bad people, doesnt restrict to financial capabilities (male) or beautiful (female)

again, i must stress that true love prevails.

if boy and girl truly loves one another, their hearts will not change, ever.
eg.
boy will not find other girls to fcuk if he is rich.
girl will not run away when the boy is having some financial difficulties.

they will have commitment towards one another, through thick and thin.


since when relationships have become a terms and conditions thingie?
as if like, the relationship breaks down when the terms and conditions are no longer fulfilled. :

The sad thing is we're divided by worldly thing, Love is part of human instinct, we fall in love with no control thats why many parents who dont understand say kena pukau la.

But to continue the lovely relationship in this demanding world now is difficult, kids nowadays is not like in the 60s, where you give them a few kayu and they can play whole day. Nowadays kids wan PS3 which cost a bomb!, then education, tuition,  medical fees, McD, all these are very costly.

Same goes to both the parents, life now are no longer like those days, finding money is difficult and stressful so this is where it is very very taxing if you hope love will prevailed without money.

It is sad that we're in this generations, but then again this generations we've so many luxury things to indulge in.

wtf is a pre-nup?

a Prenuptial Agreement ? :

if like that then the marriage memang terms & conditions liao. :

Most of us here are already living in a luxurious life, its just that not many of us appreciates what we have and keep asking for more
No doubt its  good to keep progressing but its nice to look back once in a while and appreciate where we are at today as compare to alot of ppl out there

Watch this video and see if everyone of us posting in this thread are already living in a luxurious life

http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081/...rte#videoDetail

This is also to send a message out to guys, dun think just true love and you no need buck up, I've seen and known so many guys when young time couple with pretty gfs and think just because he is young his gf is forever his. After a couple of years a better richer older guys come take his gf away.

Then start whining and say the world isnt fair, I guess it is never about fair, but girls "normally" are more matured than guys, so a couple around 25 years of age, the man still think of online games but the girl edi thinking about getting married. So the goal of the rship is quite different, so pls be intune with your gf instead of saying I'm poisoning girls in here.

Do you think your business solution will work for other field? I am in 3D computer graphics and physical sculpture, do you have any suggestion?

"Everything will fall into place", yes I agree but I am wondering how most people make less than me and manage to raise a family, they don't work 2 jobs.
Something I miss or is there a secret that those who know are not telling?

"but you can't deny that women now are a lot more independant financially. Yet, men are still expected (ideally) to be the ONLY one to bear the financial burden"

I blame it on the salary issue, while woman can earn more and more, men still get paid the same and must own a business to be consider better provider, again this reminded me of Singapore. I m getting uncomfortable with this issue and thinking of killing someone.

Hmm, you're right. Perhaps I should rephrase myself and add Love + Commitment to my post.

Although I could argue that commitment comes naturally with true love... and that even the most commited relationships can fail when love erodes... when one partner thinks he/she can do better. Hence the people who cheat arent really in true love.

Very well said. I've been saying pretty much the same thing all along. Social dominance, along with the charm, confidence and charisma that comes with it is very difficult to achive without money in the modern world.

If you have cash, you can spend on your dates. You can take her to places and spend more time with her...increasing your chances of clicking on an emotional level and building a relationship. If you are successful in your career, you would be a more confident person... and charisma is built on confidence.

Money and social dominance are very intertwined in the modern world.

HAhahahahaha. ROFL. Should be pasted into Jokes Haven..

MOST OF US will have no other choice. Not all guys are prince charming's... Not all girls are supermodels.

Therefore, EVERYONE wants to settle for the MOST ATTRACTIVE person that they are comfortable (read: culturally/emotionally compatible) with... who is willing to go out with them.

True, GIRLS ARE NOT TEMPTED BY MONEY... it's just that the guys with money are more likely to be successful: Girls are drawn to success/social_dominance just like guys are drawn to physical beauty. GIRLS ALWAYS SEEM TO WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT (ie. empathize) THE SUCCESSFUL GUYS.

True, GUYS DONT ONLY JUDGE GIRLS BY LOOKS... it's just that the girls with hot fertile bodies are more likely to be thriving in life: Guys are drawn to beauty/fertility just like girls are drawn to success/social_dominance. GUYS ALWAYS SEEM TO WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT (ie. empathize) THE PRETTY GIRLS.

The first step in building a relationship is EMPATHY - sharing feelings so to speak.
If you are attractive, more people will want to share their feelings with you. This works both ways for men and women.

Ask yourself:
If you're a single woman: Would you choose
A) a successful guy, thriving in life with a good career, stable income, nice house and car - and the personality to boot (ie. charm, charisma and fidelity).
B) a loser. Good for nothing guy who changes jobs every few months. Lives in a one bedroom apartment and rides a motorcycle. Sure, he has a nice personality (charm/charisma/fidelity)... but seriously.

If you're a man: Would you choose
A) A beautiful young woman in her early 20s. Nice personality, culturally compatible.
B) An unattractive woman in her mid 30s. Nice personality, culturally compatible.
People always like to believe what makes them happy:
#1) WOMEN who claim that "rich/successful/dominant" men are unfaithful.
#2) MEN who claim that "beautiful/hot/fertile" women are unfaithful.

People who claim this are usually average jane's/joe's who have settled for less than their ideal (because their ideal partner was unavailable to them - they werent attractive enough and had lost in the game of love). The tell themselves #1/#2 to feel good about themselves.

For single people who claim that: If that is your logic then please go ask the most unattractive person that you know out for a date...you know, the helpless loser guy who never dated in his 30s.. or the unattractive, pot-hole'd faced girl in her late 20's who has never had a guy ask her out. Im sure after spending some time with him/her you will start noticing how "nice" his/her personality is...and fall in love... after all, love is blind right???


In the same way you cannot say that a rich person is corrupt, you cannot say that a successful/attractive person is unfaithful. The poor hapless peasant never had the OPPORTUNITY to be corrupt... and the ugly/unattractive person never had the OPPORTUNITY to fvck around. Only some powerful people are corrupt. Only some successful/attractive people are unfaithful.

Assuming compatibility (religious/cultural/language) is the same between two potential partners - one attractive, one unattractive. Given the chance, would you rather be with an attractive person or an unattractive person?

Personally, I want to build a meaningful relationship with the most (culturally compatible) attractive person with who's willing to go out with me...and im sure most people will do the same. It's basic human nature.

"having standards" + "getting a life" = "social dominance"

You may have used different words, but it still means the same thing..

In the modern world, "getting a life" and "having standards" is difficult too achieve without money

"having standards" and "getting a life" could mean different things to different people.

Im not going to argue on that, I'll leave it to the readers to think about it.

Just for the record: I have never claimed to be anything. I believe that just like one cannot claim to be beautiful/handsome/attractive, I believe that a guy cannot claim to be socially dominant - for that is for others to judge.

Btw, regarding green bolded quote: If that is really your definition of "having standards" and "getting a life", then it really runs contrary to the title of your thread "how to get the girl that you want". Because often people cant get the girl they want because THEIR STANDARDS ARE TOO HIGH or they dont have the means (physical/material/emotional/social) to "get a life".

I understand those phrases with the connotation that it involves somehow raising one's standards and setting the bar higher: eg to "get the girl that you want".

Actually u two also got the point, but it always up to ppl how to think
so no need to argue bout which right and wrong there

As far as I can tell, you're saying the glass is half full, im saying the glass is half empty - it means the same thing.

Either way, bottom line long story short, the message is that a guy has to THRIVE and succeed in the game of life to be successful in the game of love. For many desirable characteristics in a guy comes from thriving in the game of life (asides from physical traits that are genetic of course). For only when one is desirable can he "have standards" - the poor hapless ugly short guy who cant keep a job telling himself that he "has standards" and will only date a really hot chick is in for lots of dissappointment. That was the key message in the Face The Truth™ (love) articles: People need to find their standard, or work to raise it.

You seem pretty bent on claiming that I dont understand you. Well, I've explained my POV a few times already - It's up to the others reading this thread to decide. Anyhow, would you like to come to a concensus on a few simple statements? Simple clear statements... i'll draft it over the weekend.

btw, yeah.. debate is awesome. I kinda like debating here more than in RWI nicer crowd.

3) Precisely. Again., you are saying what i've said in different words. You are effectively saying that he will over time be forced to lower his standards and consider girls that he did not consider before. You see this in people who remain single as they approach their 30s... They are usually not so attractive and are forced to settle for what is available. Thus, you are correct... chances are he will eventually find a partner willing to "fit into his life". The quality (tall/fertile/hot vs short/disproportionate/ugly) of the partner willing to "fit into his life" will depend largely on how attractive he is himself.

I have never said that guys should be rich to attract girls!!!!111  In fact, I've repeatedly stressed out that MONEY DOES NOT ATTRACT GIRLS in all of my threads. That said, money does seem to correlate to a person thriving in life..and girls find this attractive. And you got to face the fact that while MONEY DOES NOT BUY HAPPINESS... money lessens the likelihood that you turn out to become a loser in the game of life - On average, poor people have worse health and higher suicide rates than rich people, in all countries and cultural backgrounds...even in America! Sure there are exceptions... and if harping on a few sad rich blokes who killed themselves makes you feel good about yourself..then fine. But it does not represent the general truth.

Ultimately, everyone has a different path. Guy A's path to social dominance and thriving in the game of life is different from Guy B's path to social dominance and thriving in the game of life.
Awesome For Teh Winrar!

silverhawk and ezralimm is trying to say the same thing but express them in different way, hence the endless arguement.

Not oni ezra, falcon do the same
but both look at other ppl and think that its diff
and therefore their discussion lead to nothing

but the objective of the discussion is?

Internet is serious business.

opposite
from the surface u both talking diff thing,
but dig in deeper actually is the same thing

Actually you and ezras discussion is within this topic, just that I find both of you trying to pinpoint the problem which I think is difficult to do so, every individual (as the name "INDIVIDUAL") is unique in character.

So how do we conclude? there is no who is wrong and only everyody is correct, bcoz everyone is different.

TO: silvehawky & ezra
I dont even see whats the result u both wan, but just keep denying each other and lead to endless argument

So you see they;re all kinda people out there, we cant pinpoint which couple is right or wrong, because nobody can predict which of the rship up there will hold till death do us part.

Damn it. Do you get off to putting words in my mouth???

1) I mentioned that everyone has a different definition of "beauty" and "social dominance".
2) ...and that the real goal is to THRIVE in life and to be the best you can be, so that the potential partners available to you would be greater - giving you more freedom to choose in the game of love.
3) Written about this in detail before:

There are three types of unmarried guys:
(yes it's a generalization. Up yours silver!!!)

1) You put words in my mouth.

2) You use ad hominems and consistenly insist that "i miss the point" etc..

3) You have some kind of superiority complex.

Raw physical attractiveness: An hourglass figure for women. Reasonable build (size/height) for men plus a deep voice and manly features.

Answer me this: If you had taller guys going after you, would you consider going out with a guy who is 10 inches shorter than you? Assuming that culture/values/religion/income/etc are the same...Ok, the shorter guy is a very nice guy, but since you didnt go out with him and spend time to empathize with him, the chances of a relationship blossoming with him will be less.

Step a few steps back(further plesae...) and you will see that it all comes down to Natural Selection and the survival of the fittest. It is just that in the environment that you are in, what do YOU term as the dominant trait?