What's worrying is that u gave so many reasons why u think women work and none of them have to do with wanting a sense of achievement. It's pleasurable being in the military? Thatcher was forced to be PM by her husband? Did u read my post? Your other reason was that they work to provide for their kids. So why not just do the bare minimum? Why overachieve? What about single women then? What do they work for? I don't know about u or your generation of women but I know a lot who do well at their jobs because they enjoy having careers. U probably can't relate though.

As for the rest of your post, I think it's more relevant to a parenting thread. My friends and I aren't into crime and we all had working parents. There is no ideal situation. We adapt to the changing environment. Many women have. By that I don't mean that u go out and work if u want to be a housewife. I mean u need to change your mindset to accept that some choose to work out of free will. Ask around.

1st: Aren't you a bum too when you expect men to be the ONLY provider of the family?

2nd: Just because your soul mate is a bum, you give up hope?

Aren't you the REAL bum here?

This post has been edited by Deadlocks: Oct 10 2009, 06:04 PM

she claims he's not her soulmate =.= anyway why waste time here.. she thinks shes right no matter what u say, why argue? =.=

There're woman who are reallt career minded, but when we go out into the real world, how many percent are really hardcore workaholic and how many work to survive? same goes to man.

So generally I would say woman work just to survive.

But you seem to ignore all my explanation about working woman, I'm a woman and 99% of my frens all are woman we talk everyday, so I know their feeling and perspective.

Thats why I asked you earlier talk to more woman why they work, and you'll get a statistic only a small percent hope to gain high post like CEO and not prepared to stay home to be fulltime mother, they trive to be successful.




I dun think so I'm a bum, generally most woman want their man to be the sole provider, but problem is how many man are capable to do so.
ask around woman, if your husband is rich do you expect him to be the sole provider?
Yes I would give up hope if my soulmate is a bum.

yes my husband is not my soulmate, do you even know the meaning of soulmate
do you think everybody gets to meet their soulmate?
it is very very rare that anyone even find their soulmate.
I've never even heard any one in real life that I know off gets the chance of meeting their soulmate.
double face palm to you

the moment deadlock comes into this angle soulmate I already told him its a heavy words to use



This post has been edited by moorish: Oct 10 2009, 06:40 PM

So, is that what LIFE means to you?

You will SACRIFICE a soul mate for someone's who rich who's not your soul mate?

What kind of life you're living if you DON'T WANT a soul mate?

Is there any more MEANING to your life?

Moorish. You didn't give up on bums.

You gave up on YOURSELF.

This post has been edited by Deadlocks: Oct 10 2009, 06:44 PM

wow, talk and wining a debate is easy, but I debate putting my real life into consideration, making it real for me and I try to test myself if I'm put into this in real situation, I'm just being honest.

If you think you can go along with a BUM then you're super

but as I say talk is cheap, nobody knows including yourself until you've been thru the real test.

I'll tell you another real story, My dad was sick with Parkinson and Alzheimer for 7 years, in the beginning it was nothing really taxing, just clumpsy and we didnt even know he had the sickness until one day my mom told us he tried to do a simple parking and he hit the front, and he reverse and hit it again. She sense something wrong with him and we took him to doc and check.

After few diagnose he was confirm Parkinson and Alzheimer. Thru the years his condition was getting worse, all these while I've told myself, I'll take care of dad. That time I was still with that bum and money was tight.

The last 3 years was the worse, my dad cannot balance himself and would fall, an old man 60+ falling is very dangerous doc already warn us, he might get stroke, and he is very serious Alzheimer, he cannot even remember his own bro and sis and most of his fren but he could remember me and my mom, I was his fav but also the naughtious.

I would take leave and send him to HUKM every 2-3 months, for check up take dopomine medication to suppress the parkinson. I would need to be there early around 9 and by time i get his medicaion it would be around 12.

I still tell myself I would stand by him.

Then the last 3 years we've no choice but tie my dad to a chair, he would shout bad words at me and mom, but we've to do it. He as a proud person, very vain, he dressed up smartly and always with cologne. He is very strict with us. But looking at him deteriorate to such state put tears into my eyes even as I write this now.

He cant go toilet by himself and he wont know when he wanna do his business, we need to carry him after he's done to the toilet and bath him, everyday, my mom is old and I'm only a girl, not a superwoman, I also have my life to live, but yet I stick by my decision.

sometimes when i couldnt leave my work my mom would just let him all in a mess until I come home, Until one day my mom hurt her back and couldnt carry my dad a few times a day, we decide to send him to old folks home at ampang.

When we leave him there, I cried throughtout the night, I go there every other day, sometimes he would reconize me sometimes he wont, the place was not exactly 5 stars, was just a place to keep him alive, its messy and really smelly, I felt so ashame of myself, the promises I gave myself and not even to my mom, it was just a simple promise to myself that I would take care of dad, and I cant do it.

mom was feeling very bad about this, every morning breakfast she would cry, and both of us would hug each other and cry.

After about 2 months, i used to take mom to this chinese thit tar doc, and finally when her back is ok we decide no matter how hard we'll do it even if it means breaking our back. So we cancel the stay and brought him back.

Life was hard for the remaining 1 and a half years I think, dad was tied to the bed, his skin would be very flaky, i would take leave until nearly kena fire, and at night I really really party getting high not only in alcohol. Many times mom would call me to come back early cos dad made a mess and I would just delay and sometimes ignore her, I was really tired of all these, I was passed the stage where I feel ashame of myself, I just couldnt take the burden.

Many times I would pray to God to take my dad away, I would say it is for his own good but I think I do it because I cant take the burden anymore. one fine morning having breakfast with my mom, she ask me to check on dad as he was coughing, she told me to take him to see doc few days ago but I just dili dali, so I got up and went to dads room and I saw he was yellow, I went near him and feel his hands, it was really could, tears gather at my eyes I gave a last kiss on his forehead, my lips was like kissing on a cold tile.

I've phail, but I gave excuse to myself I'm only human, I can only take burden to only a certain load, I feel guilty and sorry, it has been many years since dad passed away I've never fail to go pray and put orkids to his grave every month, orkid was his fav flower. This is to remind myself, the failure I once was for I couldnt keep a simple promise to look after father.

Actually I duno if its good that I share such personal matter here, but guess nobody knows who I am they wont know who my dad was. And hopefully my experience will bring light to others here, because I know one day it would be my moms turn and this time I think I;m better prepared. And hopefully you guys be prepared to.

I swear to my dads grave every words here are the truth, this is not some chain mail stories, but what I've endure. Till today when I smell protex I would wanna vomit, I cant stand the smell.

So back to you, promises are not given lightly, its easy to promise but hard to keep.

This post has been edited by moorish: Oct 10 2009, 07:59 PM

You know you are giving yourself excuses for not trying.

Go ahead. Live your life with excuses.

I'm truly amaze...

A job is merely a means to an end. We work because we have to. Bigger picture - success- recognition - sense of achievement. How many actually get paid to do what they love? A very small percentile. In general, we all work to survive. Sometimes, it is a struggle. You are one of the lucky few to have a husband that can and willingly pays for everything. Not everyone is as fortunate. Yes, it may be because men are 'defective'. Women work to help us men out and you know what? Some women actually enjoy it. Some women enjoy standing side by side with their men, striving for a better future together. They work towards saving for a holiday, a house, a car, anything that they can share and while the destination is the same, sometimes the journey does matter. Just on the other thread, you saw a poster relate how his wife stood by him when he was down financially and how they came through it together. With my gf, we plan holidays all the time and save for it.

Yes, we may end up having jobs we don't like, women included but when your efforts are rewarded through holidays, etc, it becomes worthwhile.

I'm not sure where you get your statistics from, because I can't conclusively say that only a small number of women hope to be in high positions. I won't discount that you talk to your friends about this topic but you have to realise that often, people of a similar mindset hang out together. All I know is many of the girls I know actually excell in their jobs. They may not like to work, but the end result makes up for it. Shopping, holidays, etc is reward enough.

You say I ignore your explanation on the working women. Well while you may discount my claim that a lot of women today want careers, you cannot discount that more and more women are successful. Believe me, the numbers will continue to spike. I don't like to make assumptions but I think this is a really safe one.

I'm sure all women want men to take care of them. Those I know want that but for different reasons than you think. They want the oppportunity to pursue their interests e.g. opening a boutique, beauty centre, etc. For this, it always helps to have a stable income in the event your business doesn't take off. Most women I know today do not enjoy being idle.

This post has been edited by Duke Red: Oct 10 2009, 08:07 PM

be amazed. Everyone who posts here wasted their time talking to you and it is obvious you do not want to accept any opinions but your own. Suit yourself.

I wouldn't want my husband to bear the financial burden himself but at the same time, I'd like to educate my own children rather than sending them to child care centre. So I choose to work and strive for a successful career and then get married at a later age. I'm not looking down at full-time mother, as my mother is one and she did an amazing job in bringing us up, I just prefer to not rely on my husband financially. It's a burden I want to share with my partner. And yes, I'd like to have a career, not only to live a comfortable life, I want to be successful.

This post has been edited by eyhc89: Oct 10 2009, 08:50 PM

A lot of women today are contributing more and more to society. They are doing this because they choose to. Not because they have to.
I work around alot of women. They may not be as competative as men are. But they play a very important role in an organization. They are good team players, communicate openly and are more diplomatic than guys are.

There is nothing wrong with choosing to be a full time housewife.. But please do not make false assumption of what drives these women. You need to increase your social circle.. We are not living in the 50's and 60's anymore. Women of today are more driven and empowered. Your choices in life may be good enough for you, but it may not be enough for everyone else.

My little sister always wanted to be a nurse since she was a kid. If she marry a wealthy man, do you think she will let go of her dreams? Off course not! So please, do not degrade the entire female species.

Moorish, thanks for sharing. I can conclusively say that most of us would have struggled if we were in your position and I do not think you have any reason to feel bad. You did more than a lot of people would but we all just have to accept that sometimes, we can never do enough. I cannot say that I would have been as strong as you.

I understand more than ever why you think money is crucial, I've always agreed that it is. I know the cost of medical care these days for I was in insurance for 3 years. If anything I thought that this experience would drive you to wanting a good career so that you need not rely on anyone else. You are now married to someone who can provide in the event of similar occurences but if you ask me, the only person we can really trust and rely upon is ourselves.

Let's look at a hypothetical situation. Woman who has no means of supporting herself has a sick father. Husband is able to cover the medical costs. Now, you said yourself that you felt like giving up on him so many times, and he was your own father. How much do you reckon someone who isn't even related to him can take? At some point, it will become too much of a burden even for him. I'm not suggesting all men are like that but why leave it to chance?

Situations like yours affect us in different ways. I would have thought the natural response would be to make your own money so you needn't rely on someone else. Maybe your response was to want to take care of your kid, in the way you took care of your dad. Maybe you feel you need to make up for something. Neither is right, and neither is wrong. In the end, we are all motivated to do things by different reasons. You've shared yours.

Once again, thanks for sharing. I'm truly sorry to hear about what you had to go through. Also, I don't think you need to feel bad about your dad. You did everything you could as far as I'm concerned.

This post has been edited by Duke Red: Oct 10 2009, 09:29 PM

lulz.

So most of you guise feel insecure because of this?

Giving Long wall of text just to feel better?

So far, Duke Red is the only guy here who bothered to summarize the multitudes of factors which affect our ways and ideals of life. Kudos to you man!

What? in reference to the long wall of text post

This post has been edited by Duke Red: Oct 10 2009, 09:31 PM

Firstly, your effort in taking care of ur family is commendable. Sorry for your lost but seriously whats dat got to do with anything apart from u had a very bad experince choosing the worse man any girl could ever find. The guys a thug, the guy makes money doing illegal things and u wonder why he cant support u monetary. Even so, makes it seem as if the fella doesnt even help u out or give u the support in trying times. That man is more than a bum. He is utterly useless. Everyone has their set of challenges in life. Doesn't mean it's right to judge guys without money = phail. People have dreams and goals, most cases dreams and goals more often than not require some form of financing (Start ur own boutique store, start a games development studio, help in welfare groups, donate millions to a worthy cause, learn a language, play an active part in making healthcare work for u in Malaysia, even starting a loving and peaceful family etc). Dat in a sense makes money more an enabler. Nothing to do with being materialistic, nothing to do with the fear of not having enuff money. Dat is why i detest ppl who when i ask whats ur goal in life and the answer to be rich and have lots of money. This ppl often doesnt kno wat they truly want in life. When u have a dream or goal which u feel strongly about, u have drive and passion. And when u have drive and passion u will not let anything get in the way of that no matter how difficult the challenges are. Money is not a strong driver...for me at least.

Something to ponder. For guys, dun you ever get ppl saying, make ur money first then the girls will come to you? My question would be. Why would i want a girl like dat?
For girls, when dating a guy never ever try to check how much money the guy is worth. It its a major turn off. Though an interesting fact, most working adults and even families are worth negative as most in some form or the other owe more than the generated household income. SO girls, kno that when a guy has a car or a house, it neve truly is theirs. Is the bank's and they're trying to pay up everything they owe to the bank.

This post has been edited by used2bcow: Oct 10 2009, 09:34 PM

the very fact that this thread reached 100 over pages tells me most of you in here are too insecure about money minded girls.

It's either that or you have off topic as usual.

Or it could be that you are one of many who come in without following actual events, and have formed this opinion based on an assumption. Not uncommon. Insecure? Hardly.

Duno man, im too insecure abt money minded girls....coz they matter too much. Its got nothing to do with sharing with one's life experiences in hopes that they may find a gem or 2 that may enlighten them and proceed to achieve true happiness. I mean after all, we are so selfish. why would we want to help strangers for rght?