I found this an interesting read, kinda empathize with the TS because I'm in a similar situation, falling for a friend always brings about this dilemma, friendship or love? I didn't want to feel this way but as someone mentioned a few pages back, attraction is not something controllable. I wanted to pull the brakes but there are no brakes in Love, there's only the accelerator ...

The responses from everyone was also interesting.

I'd like to quote,

The hurt gets worse and the heart gets harder...
-- Unknown.

It's a fact that children with cancer have higher cure rates than adults with cancer, and I wonder if the reason is their natural, unthinking bravery... Adults know too much about failure; they're more cynical and resigned and fearful.
--Lance Armstrong, from It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life

Rejections, other life's throwbacks tend to harden people, or what most say toughen you up, but at what cost?
Lol thinking about this brings to mind the innocence of a child and the crusty cynical outlook of an old man.
(Apply this to the thread topic ...)

Yeah growing up is inevitable.

Still looking at adults, sometimes I wonder what on earth did they go through to bring about such change, what happened to their dreams, it seems life throws you a punch, you get beaten black and blue, yet remain alive walking on grimly.
And that's life.

Wisdom is essential and it can only be gained through experience, I do look forward to this, I'm still a young 'un with loads to learn.

Primacy however is debatable.
Primacy is the state or condition of being prime or first, as in time, place, rank, etc., hence, excellency; supremacy.

I used to think that it is something I should always go for, until I read something that made me wonder whether it will bring true satisfaction, primacy makes life feel like a rat race, forever running trying to get ahead of the pack.

"It is 1979, a basketball game in the Brandeis gym. The team is doing well, and the student section begins a chant, 'We're number one! We're number one!' Morrie is sitting nearby. He is puzzled by the cheer. At one point, in the midst of 'We're number one!', he rises and yells, 'What's wrong with being number two?' The students look at him. They stop chanting. He sits down, smiling and triumphant."
(Tuesdays with Morrie)

I'm not saying all adults led such unhappy lives, it just that there are unhappy elements entering into adulthood, its no longer a bed of roses one enjoys in one's childhood. And people do get affected by it, whether positively or negatively, you strike a notch on the experience bar, that's how maturity is gained, no?

Still I see many adults, they grow and leave behind dreams of their childhood, not many hang on to it dismissing them as unrealistic, foolish dreams out of one's reach, everything becomes so realistic, being hopeful seems so ignorant, being genuinely sympathetic, you're gullible, dream and you're wasting time.

Hmm you don't know Tuesdays with Morrie? Do you know Mitch Albom (author of The Five People You Meet in Heaven)? Great writer, his books are good, highly recommended (its the first book my mom manage to finish in her adulthood .... )
I like that story about what happened in the basketball court, people get so into winning, being number one (makes you think all the other numbers don't deserve to exist) that they forget that life doesn't only revolve around number 1, regardless of what number you get, life goes on, not stopping, the most important thing to me is how do you make the most of your life?


Primacy to me is a measure of standards, one where there is constant comparison with oneself and the rest of the herd (everyone else). Primacy is being ahead of the pack, as a student, being ahead of the class, and for a time that was all I was concerned about, until one day I took a step back and looked at my life and ask myself why am I doing this? Am I happy? Do I like the way my education is shaping? Why am I trying to measure myself up to other people's standards?

Anyway after a period of self-questioning, I realize there are more to life than that, I picked up sports (was a geek), dump the trash school disguised as education and did an outline on things I wanted to learn (music, art, philosophy, world history, humanities, sciences of my choice, self-learning is the way to go) and learn how to relax and make friends, proper genuine life-lasting friends (not hi-bye friends)
I live by my own standards.
Yes, competition in life exist and cannot be brush of just like that upon entering the working world, I just believe in doing the best in what makes me happy.


Of course life is better when you can actually interact well with the people you're interested in, but not everyone is born a social butterfly, that however shouldn't be an excuse, making an effort to change is a good first step. Most of these guys here are too comfortable in their shells, they dare not approach the girl but some even expect the girl to approach them!
I don't believe in sitting around and waiting (thinking "Oh, if it is fated, we'll somehow end up speaking!") nope that's not going to happen, you make your own fate.

Ah that is if I ever meet such a person

And sorry for the long non-cupid corner post above.

This post has been edited by Jyou: Apr 16 2009, 03:46 PM

Man you are a really sharp guy...
Yeah I missed out on something, I'm leaving for Canada for my tertiary education in September ... she will be leaving for USA one year later.
I do plan to tell her how I feel before I leave, the problem is the aftermath ...

Hmm well we'll see, I'll no doubt tell her but long distance relationship is something I'm pondering over, a lot of the LDRs being posted here in Cupid Corner doesn't seem so promising anyway this is something to discuss with her.

Morrie's also a professor in the university, I doubt they'll throw cups at their prof
The students are just stunned, cause y'know Americans, its all about winning and you're so into the cheers 'We're number one! We're number one!' and your team is leading and suddenly this old guy stands up and yells
'What's wrong with being number two?'
All heads turn to the source, silence ...
ahaha that must have been one hell of a scene

Now? Hmm maybe soon, we're in the middle of exams now, now wouldn't be the right time, anyway she did ask me out after the exams during our hols, I think after a few more outings together when it feels right, I'll do it.

---

Added on April 16, 2009, 4:45 pmHi there, thanks, many people think I'm odd and strange (I like to think I'm geared differently), they don't really get how I can think the way I do, thankfully I've met a great bunch of people, friends they really are a pillar of strength when you need them.


This post has been edited by Jyou: Apr 16 2009, 04:45 PM

Yeah the heart, sigh its the most fragile organ God gave us.
Yeap LDR ain't good, lots of eventual break-ups I see going on.
Maybe I'll give myself and her some time to grow a little (in the meantime still keep in touch, thanks to the great power of the internet!) and when time comes I'll take a flight over to US... or lure her over the border to Canada

Currently my education comes first, love just happens and well I have to share with you another of my philosophies, I don't have to have her to love her. Which can be a problem, my friends think I love too freely.

Anyway, those plans of mine are of friendly nature, and not in a LDR context, which is why I said:
Maybe I'll give myself and her some time to grow a little (in the meantime still keep in touch, thanks to the great power of the internet!) and when time comes I'll take a flight over to US... or lure her over the border to Canada

As friends I'm sure the above scenario isn't unusual, am I right?
I'm confident of our friendship, it can go further into a romantic relationship but if things do not go as planned, at least the friendship should endure.
Most people when they fall in love with their friends and enter a relationship, they always forget that they were friends first, that's why when break-up happens you end up with nothing ...

Lol yeah it is a problem. Its a knee-jerk reaction to my fear of attachments (I've bad experiences with separations, hence I decided to take a break from serious bonding), thus, for the time being I'm sticking with that philosophy, ultimately though I'd like to have a single long-term monogamous relationship.
(Will not happen until I'm much more older)
Precisely why I'm freely waltzing my way into this confession.

Hi there, you sure are meticulous responding to each of my post.
Yeap I am a sheltered kid, I have never been through hardship, never worked a second in my life, I had a series of maids raising me and my siblings in an ivory tower like prison called home, my dad forbid us to venture out when we were young as we had everything within the walls of my home. However I have been expose to certain darker sides of society, my mom's a Christian very much devoted with charity, I did a fair bit of volunteer work and have seen people of the streets (homeless people and prostitutes), spent time in orphanages and old folks homes and it really is difficult to see people suffering, I wish I could alleviate all their pains and the hell they've been through.

Well thanks for making your definition of primacy clearer, you should have just said self-actualization (I'm aware of this one ahaha), self actualization, I agree it is what every being should strive for, its sort of the end-point after that would be sort of like Buddha achieving nirvana.

Yeah, I'll learn, still I'm not quite sure I'll like it but its what everyone goes through, so no complains.

Hmm I thought Buddha lead an exemplary life. I thought some of his philosophies are rather good, like eliminating desires and stuff like that (don't bash me if I'm wrong, I'm not a Buddhist)
Yeah asceticism, what do you think of it? I have contemplated the notion of living an ascetic life (not to the extreme of the Jain order), I don't think its difficult to give up worldly goods (except for books). I've never given much thought to primacy, the concept is rather hazy (I've just only learned this term from you, never saw it anywhere in my philosophy books),
primacy, it sounds close to primate, primary, something like going back to nature, going back to our origins?
Survival of the fittest?
Darwin style of living? If so I find the theory flawed ...

This post has been edited by Jyou: Apr 16 2009, 11:31 PM