Oct 3 2009, 10:49 PM
QUOTE(ezralimm @ Jun 25 2008, 05:23 PM)
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «
Update Information
Important Background Information:
What Prompted Me To Start This Thread: This thread is a place for me to compile my thoughts on a topic that I find very interesting. I used to have a rare eating disorder and was quite frail (My BMI was 16.2!!). This coincided with my life during my late teens / early 20s. Hence, I saw the game of love from an underdog's perspective for a good two years of my life. As I recovered from my condition, I noticed how ladies would interact with me differently. I also had a very bad experience with my first girlfriend. I literally made every mistake in the book. My second relationship was mostly long distance, whereby issues of trust and jealousy came into play. I began to question the nature of relationships and the very real forces of sexual attraction. Pervasive (ie. everywhere). Subliminal. It's not brought up in conversations, but it is always there. That extra second of eye contact the girl across the table gives you. The perceived arrogance of the very attractive ladies towards the less attractive guys. Every guy wants a pretty girl. Every girl wants a socially dominant guy. Not all girls are pretty. Not all guys are dominant. So how do things really work out in real life?
I went to a reunion dinner of one of my aunties. She was in her 50s and happily married. She was from a girls school in KL. I was surprised that half of her classmates (all in their 50s like her) never married! I dont mean to be judgmental, but those that never married were (in my eyes at least) not so attractive. Yes, physical attractiveness is very important for ladies just like social dominance is for men. Whoever says otherwise is lying to themselves.
The Grey Area In Between: Let's say, metaphorically (THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE OKAY), that beauty was white and ugliness was black. There is a grey area between the white and black, with different shades of grey. It is important to know that the world is not black and white. There are many shades of grey. To add to that, beauty/attractiveness is a subjective thing.
------------------------------------
THE REAL GAME OF LOVE
------------------------------------
First, a few definitions:
Social Dominance: in control of one's life and has a certain level of connectedness with those in his social circle. In the modern world, social dominance is difficult to achieve without money, but possible on a tight budget none the less.
Pretty: sexually attractive / proportionate (whatever your definition of sexual attractiveness may be)
Ugly: not sexually attractive / disproportionate (note: it's not about being slim or chubby...)
Consider the following statements:
Guys like girls who are pretty.
Girls like guys who are socially dominant.
Guys would not usually think of actively courting / spending resources on girls whom they are not at least a little bit sexually attracted (or physically aroused by) to.
Girls would not usually think of actively trying to get the attention of guys whom they perceive as being weak.
Guys try to court the pretty girls.
Pretty girls have a wide choice of guys.
Pretty girls will not usually settle for guys who are non-socially dominant.
Girls try to attract the socially dominant guys.
Socially dominant guys have a wide choice of girls.
Socially dominant guys will not usually settle for girls who are ugly.
Your "average" girl may just so happen to appeal to a really socially dominant guy.
Your "average" guy may just so happen to appeal to a really pretty girl.
Face it,
Being pretty improves a girl's chances of finding the right guy who is reasonably socially dominant, reasonably well built, and compatible.
Being socially dominant improves a guy's chances of finding the right girl who is reasonably charming/feminine, reasonably sexually attractive, and compatible.
That Said,
Not all girls are pretty.
What about the girl who realizes that she's in her 30s and has never dated? She was never sexually attractive enough to have a guy who was up to her expectations ask her out. All this while she was distracted by the pursuit of knowledge and wealth/career. Her biological clock is ticking. She knows she's way past her prime...Her ovaries are not going to wait for her. They are shriveling by the day...
Not all guys are socially dominant.
What about the guy who never attracted the attention of a girl whom he finds reasonably attractive? He's too shy to ask girls out because of bad experiences (with the pretty girls who had more eligable suitors). He's been working for 10 years and now has his own little humble place. He's feeling lonely and knows that his youth is nearing it's end.He's never even gotten laid before (ok, that's a bit cruel to say)
Reality Bites
The average guy learns to lower his expectations/standard to a point where he is comfortable. He finds a girl who he thinks is right for him. He calls it love after awhile.
The average girl learns that the most eligable bachelors are out of her reach and looks elsewhere. She finds a guy who he thinks is right for her. She calls it love after awhile.
Caveat
1) Cultural compatibility plays a key role in finding a life partner. Social dominance and beauty will not guarantee the person you find attractive is right for you.
2) Different people have different standards for beauty/attractiveness/social dominance. Mika recently wrote a song about how chubby girls are attractive in their own way. DONT JUDGE PEOPLE too much.
3) Attractiveness may literally be "chemical". Scientists now believe that people with differing sets of genes for bacterial/viral immunity are more likely to like each other's natural scent (eg. the smell of your t shirt after you've worn it all night to sleep).
What im trying to say is that there are other factors that come in to play asides from the major ones in red and blue.
Personally...
...the person whom i very much would have liked to spend my life with was NOT the prettiest person i've ever dated. We were compatible, and in her I saw "home". I cant explain it, but I DID FIND HER REASONABLY ATTRACTIVE. Unfortunately, we were to go our separate ways
--------------------------------------------
BIG Questions This Thread Answers
--------------------------------------------
Why It Is So Hard To Find A Date On A Friday Night?
1) Your standards are too high.
2) You are not attractive enough yourself to attract a partner of your standard.
How Come Western Society With All It's "Pergaulan Bebas" (With Girls Wearing Hotpants and Spaghetti Straps) Has Not Disintegrated?
...because everyone has expectations. The girl with a hot body knows she is attractive and expects to get the guy who is up to her standards. The same goes for the socially dominant guys. Everyone tries to find the most attractive partner they can. Most girls are not that pretty. Most guys are not socially dominant. Hence, social breakdown will not occur even with free mingling. Revealing clothing can be seductive when worn by the right people, but let's face it... Sometimes i'd wish some girls were forbidden from wearing revealing tops. Not because it's arousing, but rather because its just disgusting to look at. Yup, the clothes that hide beauty can also serve to hide ugliness. So what about the beautiful girls? Eye candy to oogle at. But they are picky and free to choose who they are dating. The numerous guys who are turned on by them wont even stand a chance. If malaysian women were to dress more revealingly, I dont think society would disintegrate. Rather, people would be more aware of where they stand in the game of love and attractiveness.
Antithesis of the Moralistic Paradigm: Malaysians are generally taught in our education system (PI or Moral) about the need for moral safeguards and interventions (eg J.A.I.S. raids) with regards to dating and sex. According to the moralists, society would disintegrate without such measures. "Pergaulan bebas", or free inter-gender mingling, is discouraged. Camps are segregated. The college that I went to even had a gender segregated cafeteria! We are taught to hate or frown upon the natural approach to dating and relationships. We are taught that women should not reveal themselves as it is harmful to society.
If you are a guy and have found this post useful, do read the following:
What Girls Really Want In A Man.
A bump in that thread will be much appreciated, for the good of MAN-kind.
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «
UPDATED 28/6 Sat: Important Background Info. Big Questions. Redid formatting.
Important Background Information:
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «
What Prompted Me To Start This Thread: This thread is a place for me to compile my thoughts on a topic that I find very interesting. I used to have a rare eating disorder and was quite frail (My BMI was 16.2!!). This coincided with my life during my late teens / early 20s. Hence, I saw the game of love from an underdog's perspective for a good two years of my life. As I recovered from my condition, I noticed how ladies would interact with me differently. I also had a very bad experience with my first girlfriend. I literally made every mistake in the book. My second relationship was mostly long distance, whereby issues of trust and jealousy came into play. I began to question the nature of relationships and the very real forces of sexual attraction. Pervasive (ie. everywhere). Subliminal. It's not brought up in conversations, but it is always there. That extra second of eye contact the girl across the table gives you. The perceived arrogance of the very attractive ladies towards the less attractive guys. Every guy wants a pretty girl. Every girl wants a socially dominant guy. Not all girls are pretty. Not all guys are dominant. So how do things really work out in real life?
I went to a reunion dinner of one of my aunties. She was in her 50s and happily married. She was from a girls school in KL. I was surprised that half of her classmates (all in their 50s like her) never married! I dont mean to be judgmental, but those that never married were (in my eyes at least) not so attractive. Yes, physical attractiveness is very important for ladies just like social dominance is for men. Whoever says otherwise is lying to themselves.
The Grey Area In Between: Let's say, metaphorically (THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE OKAY), that beauty was white and ugliness was black. There is a grey area between the white and black, with different shades of grey. It is important to know that the world is not black and white. There are many shades of grey. To add to that, beauty/attractiveness is a subjective thing.
------------------------------------
THE REAL GAME OF LOVE
------------------------------------
First, a few definitions:
Social Dominance: in control of one's life and has a certain level of connectedness with those in his social circle. In the modern world, social dominance is difficult to achieve without money, but possible on a tight budget none the less.
Pretty: sexually attractive / proportionate (whatever your definition of sexual attractiveness may be)
Ugly: not sexually attractive / disproportionate (note: it's not about being slim or chubby...)
Consider the following statements:
Guys like girls who are pretty.
Girls like guys who are socially dominant.
Guys would not usually think of actively courting / spending resources on girls whom they are not at least a little bit sexually attracted (or physically aroused by) to.
Girls would not usually think of actively trying to get the attention of guys whom they perceive as being weak.
Guys try to court the pretty girls.
Pretty girls have a wide choice of guys.
Pretty girls will not usually settle for guys who are non-socially dominant.
Girls try to attract the socially dominant guys.
Socially dominant guys have a wide choice of girls.
Socially dominant guys will not usually settle for girls who are ugly.
Your "average" girl may just so happen to appeal to a really socially dominant guy.
Your "average" guy may just so happen to appeal to a really pretty girl.
Face it,
Being pretty improves a girl's chances of finding the right guy who is reasonably socially dominant, reasonably well built, and compatible.
Being socially dominant improves a guy's chances of finding the right girl who is reasonably charming/feminine, reasonably sexually attractive, and compatible.
That Said,
Not all girls are pretty.
What about the girl who realizes that she's in her 30s and has never dated? She was never sexually attractive enough to have a guy who was up to her expectations ask her out. All this while she was distracted by the pursuit of knowledge and wealth/career. Her biological clock is ticking. She knows she's way past her prime...
Not all guys are socially dominant.
What about the guy who never attracted the attention of a girl whom he finds reasonably attractive? He's too shy to ask girls out because of bad experiences (with the pretty girls who had more eligable suitors). He's been working for 10 years and now has his own little humble place. He's feeling lonely and knows that his youth is nearing it's end.
Reality Bites
The average guy learns to lower his expectations/standard to a point where he is comfortable. He finds a girl who he thinks is right for him. He calls it love after awhile.
The average girl learns that the most eligable bachelors are out of her reach and looks elsewhere. She finds a guy who he thinks is right for her. She calls it love after awhile.
Caveat
1) Cultural compatibility plays a key role in finding a life partner. Social dominance and beauty will not guarantee the person you find attractive is right for you.
2) Different people have different standards for beauty/attractiveness/social dominance. Mika recently wrote a song about how chubby girls are attractive in their own way. DONT JUDGE PEOPLE too much.
3) Attractiveness may literally be "chemical". Scientists now believe that people with differing sets of genes for bacterial/viral immunity are more likely to like each other's natural scent (eg. the smell of your t shirt after you've worn it all night to sleep).
What im trying to say is that there are other factors that come in to play asides from the major ones in red and blue.
Personally...
...the person whom i very much would have liked to spend my life with was NOT the prettiest person i've ever dated. We were compatible, and in her I saw "home". I cant explain it, but I DID FIND HER REASONABLY ATTRACTIVE. Unfortunately, we were to go our separate ways
--------------------------------------------
BIG Questions This Thread Answers
--------------------------------------------
Why It Is So Hard To Find A Date On A Friday Night?
1) Your standards are too high.
2) You are not attractive enough yourself to attract a partner of your standard.
How Come Western Society With All It's "Pergaulan Bebas" (With Girls Wearing Hotpants and Spaghetti Straps) Has Not Disintegrated?
...because everyone has expectations. The girl with a hot body knows she is attractive and expects to get the guy who is up to her standards. The same goes for the socially dominant guys. Everyone tries to find the most attractive partner they can. Most girls are not that pretty. Most guys are not socially dominant. Hence, social breakdown will not occur even with free mingling. Revealing clothing can be seductive when worn by the right people, but let's face it... Sometimes i'd wish some girls were forbidden from wearing revealing tops. Not because it's arousing, but rather because its just disgusting to look at. Yup, the clothes that hide beauty can also serve to hide ugliness. So what about the beautiful girls? Eye candy to oogle at. But they are picky and free to choose who they are dating. The numerous guys who are turned on by them wont even stand a chance. If malaysian women were to dress more revealingly, I dont think society would disintegrate. Rather, people would be more aware of where they stand in the game of love and attractiveness.
Antithesis of the Moralistic Paradigm: Malaysians are generally taught in our education system (PI or Moral) about the need for moral safeguards and interventions (eg J.A.I.S. raids) with regards to dating and sex. According to the moralists, society would disintegrate without such measures. "Pergaulan bebas", or free inter-gender mingling, is discouraged. Camps are segregated. The college that I went to even had a gender segregated cafeteria! We are taught to hate or frown upon the natural approach to dating and relationships. We are taught that women should not reveal themselves as it is harmful to society.
If you are a guy and have found this post useful, do read the following:
What Girls Really Want In A Man.
A bump in that thread will be much appreciated, for the good of MAN-kind.
Quote
0.0197sec
0.42
6 queries
GZIP Disabled