- - -

You see, not knowing what you really want is completely ok.

But not knowing what you really want, and making people
suffer for it; that's completely not okay - like your ex, and
now P.

In all honestly, if you don't know what you really want,
why you should anyone suffer for what you lack?

Right now, the problem I see isn't so much about the part
where you don't know what you want. It's more of this -

You left a good, wealthy guy, who you dated for 7 years with
for a man you met somewhere and felt like he was "the one."

And now, you're saying that this P guy isn't "the one" and
you're gonna do the same thing you did to your ex to him?

With all due respect -

if you're already thinking of leaving P, just leave him already.
He doesn't need someone like you who doesn't appreciate him
for who he really is.

You thinking about leaving him is in itself betrayal to his
trust and faithfulness towards you as his partner. He would
never do that to you. But that's clearly not the case with you.

I'm not even sure if you even respect him at all as person.

- - -

The reality is simple:
1. If you loved your ex, why did you even leave him?
- You said he was cincai and caring, but loaded. Isn't
that like the best boyfriend ever?

It's almost as if he's the kind to let you drive his Porsche
and even if you rammed it into the wall, he'll still love you
all the same - cincai.

... and still pay for all your beauty maintenance.
Just because he can.

Haha. I don't know why you left someone like him, but.. okay.

My guess is, he's so cincai, he doesn't pay enough attention
to you, so you always feel neglected. Feel free to correct me
if I'm wrong.

2. If you love P, why is money even an issue at all?
- You said he was uneducated but hardworking, cares for you
and willing to earn more even though he comes from poor family.

Isn't that also like the best boyfriend ever?

He's uneducated - he'll never patronize you for your intelligence.
Hardworking - he'll always go the extra mile to make you happy
Cares for you - paying damn a lot of attention to you
Willing to earn - if you're not working also, he's willing
to cover for you.
Comes from poor family - He treats you like family. Everything
he has is yours to use as well. He also respects elders very well.
The kinda guy your parents guarantee sayang.

And then you encounter a problem - not enough money.

Now you really have to put things into perspective -

He doesn't have enough money

or

You don't have enough money?

- - -

Try thinking this way:

Your ex not paying enough attention to you, too cincai -
can it be resolved?

Yes - if he can change.

He begged you to come back and was willing to change.
...I think you're probably quite pretty lo.

But you never gave him a chance to do that.

So.. it didn't matter if he could change or not.

- - -

P doesn't have enough money, but willing to earn more -
can it be resolved?

Yes - if his hard work makes him lucky and he gets promoted
to a job that pays better
Yes - if you chip in your share of the financial burden
Yes - if the entire household of you and him can spend less
and work on a tighter budget.

Or are you saying that he's already working his ass off earning
money, but all you do is complain that there is not enough when
you're not even doing anything to help him?

If he's willing to earn more, but he doesn't have enough now,
the problem is simple correct? He just needs more time.

So why can't you give him more time? Why so hasty?
Why are you not able to choose patience?

Is it because you've been with him for more than a year,
and from your observation - opportunities for him to earn
more seem pretty bleak?

If that's true, and you truly doubt he can progress any further,
you should either give up your hope on getting him to earn more,
or just leave him right now.

Because if that's the case, I don't think you're interested in the
present P at all. You're waiting for Future P. And you're starting
to see that Future P might not be happening after all.

- - -

On another note:
Is it really his job to take care of you?

I donno, I thought most women in this day and age would aim
to be independent and successful in their own regard, not
live in the shadow of someone else's good fortune.

But hey, if you're really planning to be a housewife for life...
Well, whatever makes you happy I guess.

Just that if I were a girl, I wouldn't want to live at the mercy of
a man's financial prowess. I want to be respected as a man's
equal; that I'm in every right capable of any greatness other
men can achieve, and that I don't need them to live comfortably.

But hey, that's just me. *shrugs*

I mean, my mom has been a housewife all her life. But when
she got the opportunity to work, she just grabbed it like a tiger.
Because honestly though, my dad is kinda hopeless. But they're
still together after 30+ years.

They are unhappy together no doubt. But they have my respect
for still staying together after this long. They chose not to take
the easy way out.

- - -

Anyways, I can say for certain that if you continue being
like this, you don't even need to breakup with P.

He'll probably breakup with you or die trying to impress you
sooner or later; whichever comes first.

So...I must say I really feel sorry for P.

He's probably thought he's found the girl of his dreams and
all he wants to do is make her happy, but little did he know
that girl can never be happy. Oh, the irony.

- - -

Which leads me back to this again:

Sometimes i think I can get a better man.

Sure. There's always gonna be a better man out
there somewhere.

Always.

If you get Danielle Radcliffe, you can get Brad Pitt.
If you get Obama, you can get Donald Trump
If you get the Lee Chong Wei, you can get Lin Dan.
If you get Jesus, you can get God.

Doesn't that just make you an insatiable person?

You don't know what you want, but when you get
something, you don't work around the problem, but
you want something better than what you have.

I don't think relationships are one of those things
we can play around with the instant gratification
theory. After all, it's people here we're dealing with.
Not objects.

I strongly suggest you really sit down and think through
what you want in a man. If you cannot figure it out now,
then you should stay single until you have it all figured out.

Take time off, do whatever it takes. If P loves you, he'll
understand your needs.

It's not fair for the people you're with when you remain
this way. They are all always gonna end up like your
ex and P.

If you have conscience at all, you'll feel guilty about this.
If you're a heartless person... well, I see no way out
for P but to break his heart to pieces.

Right now, chances are, you're gonna leave P and find
someone else who you'd think is more suitable, only to
find that he's also not perfect, and you start missing P
when it's already too late.

I'm certain you'll miss P more than your ex because
P seems like a very sweet guy. He doesn't have much
money, but he's got character that's made of gold; and
that's something money can never buy.

Something money can never buy. I hope you know
what that really means to you.

I suggest you cherish him while he's still around.
...assuming you are capable of cherishing someone.

But if you cannot love him for who he is, then you should
leave him now and avail him to a love better than yours.
He deserves to be happier with a girl who's not as
insatiable as you are.

If there's anything you need to start with, you need to
start learning to not be so selfish. A relationship is not
all about you. It's about both you and your partner.

If you cannot see that, then the only way for you is to
find someone else like your ex and just deal with their
shortcomings. So what if he's cincai?

Clearly you seem more like a girl who needs money
more than attention from the way you're pressuring P.

And frankly speaking, that's kinda sad.

Don't get me wrong - I'm in full support of people who's
looking for their perfect match; but is has to be justified.

Like for me, I've got a ton of rules set up for a girl I'd
even think about dating:
1. must be at least 21 years old
2. no colleagues from workplace
3. no business contacts from work
4. no friends' exes

But I'll make an exception if she's got a heart of gold.
I found one such person, and I like her. And she fits
all the four criterias above.

But I'm not chasing after her.

Because I know I'm not ready for her now; and it
won't be fair for her to have the current version of me
- no time for girls, no fixed work schedule, always running
all over the place, no proper finances in place.

I'd rather wait it out, hit all my personal goals first,
and when it's time, if she's still single, I'll go after
her with everything I have.

And yes, I'd also rather her be with someone who's
ready for her than have me at my current state. Liking/
loving someone is not about being with that person.

It's about their happiness. And I know from experience
that love doesn't require you to be physically there for
that person.

Every heartbreak we make is another broken soul created.
I feel as human beings, it's the least we can do to try and
minimize this emotional damage we inflict on one another.

So... there's that.