Hi Hollow21,
I just want to let you in on one probable perspective your
ex may have had for your entire relationship.
And I must say that your situation isn't exactly imponderable.
You see, when a girl;guy;anyone for that matter, leaves you
because sparks die out, they are doing you a final favour out
of love. (or whatever love that was left)
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A relationship cannot thrive when the following conditions are present:
1. To love out of sympathy
2. To love out of convenience
3. To love out of obligation
It's not impossible for a relationship to begin with any of the above
3 conditions, but those conditions shouldn't last indefinitely if you're
already in a relationship. It's ok if it helps you develop feelings for
someone. But if it still feels that way after a long time; boy. You're
in for some heavy heartache.
And from your story, I have reasons to believe that your ex more
or less follows the same principles.
I mean...
Why pretend to love someone when you know you can't?
I believe that love has to come out sincere from the bottom of
your heart. And it has to be genuine. If it's masked by another
intent, then it's just destined to crash and burn sooner or later.
If you're not gonna give someone your first rate version of love,
then you might as well don't give any at all. If you find that you're
not giving someone you love the first rate treatment, then something
is amiss somewhere. And I think your ex saw that.
I'm almost certain that she still cares for you and she doesn't want
to waste any more of your precious time with someone (herself) who
can't love you as much as you do for her. And to stop you from hurting
long-term, she has to hurt you this way. You have to understand that
there's no other better way for her to make you let her go.
I mean, at least she didn't openly cheat on another guy on you
or just blow you off negatively like a sour-ass b****. She ended
it as civilized as she could didn't she?
It was peaceful. No drama. Straight to the point.
I can't think of any other way for her to break up with you without
hurting your feelings because she realized that she still cares for you
but can't find it in herself to love you like how she did anymore.
Her breaking up with you and actually finding the courage to let you
go when she knows that she loves you, but no longer is in love with
you, that's really tough man.
It definitely sucks donkeyballs to love so hard for x amount of time only to end
up feeling hollow, empty and lost about something that once felt certain or right.
Just think about it; One day, you wake up, dating this dude again. Then everything
felt different, awkward and uncomfortable. You thought it was a one-off thing and
maybe it'd pass on the following day, so you keep on hoping for it to snap back into
what was regarded as normal in your relationship.
Day after day you waited. You shrugged it off.
But it never reverted. And kept getting increasingly frustrating and suffocating.
And you find yourself becoming bitter.
This guy's like always treating you so nicely, but you can't seem to reciprocate
properly in kind. Everything felt jarring. And you end up feeling so guilty
and sorry for that person.
So just think for a minute and ask yourself:
How would you have acted, if you were put into her shoes?
For all it's worth, she might even be thinking that she's undeserving of
someone like you. From your story, you sound like a responsible, reliable
and genuine human being. And I'm pretty sure you are.
Because if you weren't, I don't think she'd have left you. She has faith that
her leaving you is for the best, and that you'll make another girl really happy.
She has faith that you'll still be able to fall in love, and it'd be responded in
kind. She didn't want you to have a plaguing relationship with her
And from that, I can tell you that you're a very lucky man. Very few girls
can love a man like that. Love the man enough to let him go for the better.
She already knows that she can't offer you anything solid but the company.
She felt pointless for you to just have her body when you're also supposed
to have her mind, heart, the total of what makes her a person. If you're just
looking for a body, a simple love doll or prostitute would suffice.
A relationship should be fulfilling for both parties. Not a one-way street.
The sooner you can understand her intentions for leaving you, the sooner
you'll be able to come to terms with her absence in your life.
Thank you very much for your thoughts and words Searizeel...
Yeah, I think you are right on a few counts. She was cool and rational when she ended it. And she did said there was someone out there better for me, someone who could love me more. And yeah, I suspect it was one sided the last few months. When we are together doing things, she was there but I sense she really wasn't.
I don't know if she ended it out of love. Or she still cares. But I think it doesn't really matter. And yeah, maybe it's good thing she ended it. That's what I have been telling myself for the past 2 days. Indeed, it maybe a good thing after all.
Oct 23 2014, 09:45 PM
Quote
....Did you try asking her to think about your proposition and accept a chance to save the relationship? Sorry to say this to you but it takes two to tango. I also tried to give mine a last ditch effort and I asked...but in the end she didn't want to. The love's gone, she said. She wanted just to be friends. I couldn't accept that so I forced myself to stop all communications to help myself move on. It helped. The pain's gone now. Don't think of her much. But sometimes something will trigger the memories and they come back. And my mind will wander a bit sometimes with questions the shoulda, coulda, woulda, y'know.....In the interim, I met many new people and some girls too! One is attractive. But all I can say my heart isn't there...I guess the pain's gone, but subconsciously the heart and mind is still not healed and cleaned. All I wanted to say is I hope you stay positive and move on if she doesn't want to tango. It's not easy, and the feelings may linger....but good luck. Be strong.
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