shadowmorning

I think being lonely is a normal process. Everybody experiences it
before they got into a relationship and after one has ended.

They are both different kinds of loneliness though.

Before you got into a relationship, it feels like you didn't matter
to anyone at all.

Nobody understands you.

Nobody gives a shit about you.

You were nothing.

...and then this person falls starts noticing you.

Treats you nice. Makes you laugh.

And then that person tells you that he/she likes you.

After that, you instantly feel like the luckiest person
in the world.

Then something went wrong somewhere. You both
start arguing, getting on each others nerves. You
have no idea what happened to the couple you were,
you just know you both feel struggle to be happy anymore.

Then you break up.

You feel alone again.

But this time, it's different.

You already know that:

Someone understood you.

Someone gave a shit about you.

You were something.

You were there.

Things just didn't work. And you were left to figure out
what happened.

This loneliness stems from that person suddenly being
absent from your life. You feel empty, but at the same time,
without that person being present in your life at that point in
time, you wouldn't feel this alive right now.

This confusing state is what I'd call grateful depression.

It's like being happily sad. Or sadly happy. Whichever
floats your boat.

Bottomline is that you can only feel this way if you've felt
something special before in your life, and if such misery
was spun from goodness, I think it's a good kinda misery.

Something those who have never experienced a relationship
before could ever come to be familiar with.

With that being said...
lot ernie

I think there are a lot of answers for you here.

Try reading the entire thread if you haven't already.

The questions you ask after you do that will give you
a whole lot better answers anywhere you ask them later.
That I can be sure in the very least.

But I'll start with a tip for you here:

If a relationship was ever good at any point, I really don't
see a point in trying to erase such a wonderful memory.

If she didn't know how much you love her, then you can't
expect her to be telekinetic about it.

It's the same in her shoes with her being unsatisfied with the
relationship. She can't expect you to just read her like that.
She took a stand and became vocal about it.
(or maybe you just didn't/couldn't pay enough attention to know)

She made sure you understood her loud and clear that she
was unhappy.

When you're in a relationship, "not being good at showing your
feelings well" is a luxury very few people get to enjoy.

For those who don't get to enjoy it, that's just a very lame
excuse to get by with for your partner.

You might not be able to save your relationship now,
but you can still make things right and make it known to
her how you really feel.

She did her part. You can still do yours.

Just remember that if you do, the goal is to not to try and get
back together. It's to make a statement that she was still the
best damned thing in your entire life.

And then squeeze every ounce of courage in your heart to
let her go completely.

Or you can keep all the feelings bottled up, and write yourself
all those feelings you feel for her.

Or you can try to mend things up with her.

Whichever it is, I hope that you don't aim to be "happy" again.
Find a deeper meaning in your self.

Like something that makes you feel "at peace with yourself"
And being that does not necessarily require you to be happy.

Just think about the consequences of every action before you
jump in on impulse.

Being alone after a wonderful relationship can be a very
invaluable experience that shapes you into the best version
you could ever be for yourself; if you try hard enough.

It's very easy to succumb into your sadness every now and then.
How easy it is to just rot away in silence and cry your bones dry.

But people who love the memory enough will never tarnish it
with being an emotional dipshit I think. That's honestly the most
dreadful way you can repay someone for loving you.

Hope this helps. Ask away if you have any other questions.

Just remember that you deserve to feel any way you choose to
feel right now, and nobody has any right to force you into feeling
a certain way.

Moving on is a natural process that cannot be forced. So stop thinking
that you're okay if you're not okay. You can only start doing all the
aforementioned when you have more clarity.

And the only way to have clarity of it is to feel the pain at its very rawness.
Cry to it. Its your right to be depressed about it. It's your sadness.

And you were only sad because you were happy once.

If you were happy before, you can be happy again.
You'll know when you're ready to smile. Until then,
be unashamed of your vulnerability, but never stop
staying strong.

To be happy, is to get sadness out of your system. And that
only happen by coming to terms with your sadness. No other
way around that other than actually being sad.

Those who care enough about you will understand, if you'd tell them.

Good luck.

Hi. Broke up about month ago. Still on moving on process. Enjoyed reading this thread alot.

Stay strong!

Just broke up after 12 years relationship. Very painful since i want to propose her during her birthday last week. Went to her hometown last week to suprise her but on that day, she engaged!

Thanks. Still hard to move on. Haha.

Healing takes time.

Alot of time i guess aha.

12 years old. That's long. Feel sorry for you.

Sometimes, it is not about the "move on" process, but the fact that you've wasted your time and energy with someone that is not meant for you. 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Rebound or not, one should take their own time, go with their own pace, explore the world alone or with friends etc etc, there are many things to do in life and instead of wasting time on all that is gone, why not use the time for something more rewarding for oneself? 

You can never move on when all you think is the waste.

Everybody wastes something, and by holding a grunge or blaming it on the people you've wasted on is just unfair, since they've wasted some things and they didn't blame you afterwards or cry over the waste.
You want all your money back, why not go and ask them, you want your energy back, why not go and ask them to do something for you in return? All you gotta do is ask.

And if your motivation to stay with someone is just because you don't wanna waste something, man, you have a lot to learn.

Cheers! Hope you get a rebound quick 

You can never move on when all you think is the waste.

Everybody wastes something, and by holding a grunge or blaming it on the people you've wasted on is just unfair, since they've wasted some things and they didn't blame you afterwards or cry over the waste.
You want all your money back, why not go and ask them, you want your energy back, why not go and ask them to do something for you in return? All you gotta do is ask.

And if your motivation to stay with someone is just because you don't wanna waste something, man, you have a lot to learn.

Cheers! Hope you get a rebound quick 

Just broke up after 12 years relationship. Very painful since i want to propose her during her birthday last week. Went to her hometown last week to suprise her but on that day, she engaged!

I need some really sad songs to listen to and cry... youtube search results can't help me......