Thank you. It was a gloomy Sunday not because of her. I was having some headache issues but now it is fine.

As for them, not the first case but not the last one either. I wish to help but I know if they do not help themselves, no one is able to do much for them.

Happy Chinese New Year to all mates out there. No matter you're a Chinese or not, I'm here wishing you to have a great year ahead. May all of us have a great, healthy and happy Tiger year.

This year Valentine's I'm not alone. It's not the matter do I have a partner or not but I do receive a lot of love from friends, relatives and family. I'm having a not so great Chinese New Year because of my grandmother is not in a good condition at the moment. Everyone is worried as she might be gone anytime right now but I'm thankful for all the support and love from all my friends. They are so great, and I find that even I do not have a partner for Valentine's, I'm actually having it much more happier compare when I had. May be this is because, when we have a partner, we only celebrate the "valentine's" with only one person, but when we don't, we celebrate it with a lot of people around us. So, that is way much better right?

Well, let's hope we will find our right one soon, and for those who are studying, hope you get a great result. For those who are working, get promotion and increment soon! (< remember to treat me for the great wishes ya ). For those singles, we enjoy to the maximum and slowly to find the right one (< we deserve that! ). For those couples, get out of here and give us angpao soon!

Alright, have a great day ahead people, I'm off for dinner.
Again,

Happy Chinese New Year!

Hi Slushie,

I am not doing very good. These few days the mood swings badly and terribly, I thought I can really be that strong and overcome it myself but somehow I can't. I am just tired I guess.

I don't dwell with the same issue for long. Perhaps, not this one. It's about my grandmother who suddenly shows a very bad sign since last Saturday, we thought we would lost her the past few days but she managed to make it. Sadly things didn't turn out nice still. I do not mind to put all my work on hold and take up the responsibility to take care of her but looking at her suffering day and night, that kind of feeling is killing. My family came up with a conclusion to send her to hospital today because everyone has to back to work tomorrow which that would be the best in case anything happen to her but she refused and now even refused to eat.

I don't know what else I can do anymore. This year I have a very special Chinese New Year.

Actually we are all well prepared for her to be gone anytime soon, perhaps few years ago we already prepared ourselves for that. When she is healthy and happy, we are all fine with it. Now the problem is looking at her suffer like that is the killing part. She couldn't take it as well where she cried a few times and even complained about it. I've been spending my entire week with only limited rest to be by her side. When she is asleep, I just keep myself beside her with my computer so I can keep an eye on her while making myself awake. I can't go into the very detail to elaborate for her condition but that is not a normal thing that I saw in many old people. No matter what it is, I do not mind to take the dirt to clean her everyday. But I am heartache to see her suffer and buying her time like this. Seriously, I do think that it might be better for her to leave peacefully without any pain.

I think you mistake me at a part. I don't show any unhappy expression to any of my family members at all. No matter how difficult it is, I will still smile and acting like nothing in front of them, which I've never show her any of the sad expression at all. She is feeling uneasy for her body, which she is uncomfortable to use the adult's pampers. Drama is always drama, I don't link that into real life. I am a person taking death quite lightly where I know one day I will be gone too but the love will remain there. I only feel lost for looking at her suffer but I can't do anything to make her feel better. Furthermore I am quite exhausted. I do not mind to skip all the gathering/party/events that I've organized for the week, in fact for my work too that I just let it hold on there, the reason I just skip myself from all those even for my work (I'm a workaholic) because I just trying my best to be there for her.

I do have lingo problem with her where she does not understand my language and I don't understand hers. She talks in only one language and that's all she understands, I did my best to catch up in a week time to make sure myself is able to communicate with her simply it's also the only thing I can do for her already. What else can I do for her anymore? I assure the whole family is there for her, none of us step out from the house to go enjoy during this Chinese New Year. None of us even bother to think about the red packets at all. We were all well prepared for a happy holiday but the very last minute, we just change it to be a very important reunion in the house for her.

Where she requested for her to go peacefully and easily, what am I supposed to do for her? Taking a knife to cut it down? Or what can I do? When she refused to eat, I begged her with my best to hold every single tears in my eyes. Where now she is asleep next to me while on and off mourning for the pain, is there anything I can do other than praying for her? I can't keep her awake but I can't give her a good rest too.

I don't pray for her to be a better person in the next life, perhaps I have my different point of views when it comes to religion. I am a strong Buddhist.

I think you do not understand what I was saying. A reunion dinner is a must for the family. I take this Chinese New Year quite seriously because it is the only time for my whole family to gather together. Her condition is bad as in she was not able to walk at all, she could not eat, she could not move, she could not control her urine and poo, she could not talk too earlier. For a day she could eat, but the next no. For a day she could walk but a while later no. For a day she could recognize us but next no. It's never easy to take care of her but none of us complain for that pain. I don't think myself as superwoman nor God, I am just trying my best to do whatever I can. Yes, I barely sleep at all for entire week, which the sleeping hours accumulated for the whole week can actually counted with fingers. I would still say, yes I am taking good care of myself.

I thought you suggested me to talk to her more, and I just tried my best to talk to her more. Sometimes old people they just need someone to talk to them. Action? I think I've done more than enough for the action to show her my affections.

I don't believe in those but I just leave it there for those who believe into it.

Not really, some old people just enjoy their own peaceful world with their own matters. Not all need someone to talk to.

just let it go. Don't ever bother to ask why. If you want to cry, go ahead. After that just continue with life. There isn't a manual in telling us what to do and what not to, thus you just need to trust yourself that you are strong enough for that.