how about a long holiday to rejuvenate both of your hurts souls right now ?
It's better to get away , even on a short term method than hiding in your bedroom everyday after work.

You two needs to get out of the house more often. Try short holidays every weekend too. good luck!

well , i am guy , stay with my wife parent cos i just working , salary wise not bad but still not enof to own a house, moreover i from johor , my wife from kl , i working at kl , so no choices to stay with them . come to worst , we just had a kid .

well , staying at ppl house is not nice , morever i am a guy , so some ppl will look down on me . y wife prarent still considerate good , they treat me very good but i still felt that no privacy , althought i live at 3rd floor... i always in the room ...

worst come is we are married bcos of kids , after knowing for 1 one . how we know each other ? one night stand , she offer me sex .

after few times of sex , we finally steady . and now after the kid born , we had alot of argument , especially with kid and money problem ...

erm , i think i will be divorce with her soon, not now , bcos of kids ...

right now i still stay at her parent place , obviously her parent don know ... towards this gals , i had no feeling d , we din have sex for almost a year , a proper one ..

so stay with other half is terrible , worst when couple are fighting ...

so i considerate poor or damn ??

i deserved that or not ..blamed on being poor ...hahah ....


wan to divorce also no money , gals over here maybe u will say that i am bad , actually is to do both of us good , do u willing to live with a person for 30 40 years that u do not have any feeling ??

well, i plan to do that , cos no other way for me...kids ,parents pressure, money , realiti

This post has been edited by lunacy: Apr 8 2008, 12:01 AM

yeah..we did that too.. Can you believe that we actually went for numerous trips in a year?! Haha.. & I was always the one planning it all the time. Well, not that I didn't enjoy it, but more like when I feel like I'm the only one having fun, enjoying the freedom but he seemed bored.

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Added on April 8, 2008, 9:29 amI can understand what u're trying to say, and I also agree with u that marriage without love is miserable.
although things can't be undone, but maybe u can talk to your wife about it?
Yup, things like money, kids, pressure from our family do add up to the stress, but it's abit unfair for your kid, at least.. is there really no turning back?

I'm saying this because I know my family affected me alot in the way I think now (perspective of life, marriage, sense of security etc) & I can't do anything about it despites I've realized this long time ago. Some psychology factors really give strong impacts to people that no one else can understand it unless u've been through it.




This post has been edited by yee_voon: Apr 8 2008, 09:29 AM

lunacy problem's sounded more grave...
anyway, as most who married out of responsibilities more than because of love, it's kind of doom from the start.
My sis in law is the same case. They were divorced now. Because they fights alot even during their courtship, and got married because a child came along.
They did tried staying together for 2 years, and eventually broke up.
The same thing, the guy and her staying with the girl's parents.

so, lunacy, if you can manage, and if you really want to give this marriage a chance to work, do MOVE OUT !
Rent a room or whatever. I'm sure you two can manage. The worst is when staying with the girl's parents. When two person fights, the guy lost.
And the girl would never grow up to be an independant woman, and think of her new family. For the guy part, everyone in the house would not look highly of him, and in the long term he will suffer lost of confidence and morale setback.

Yup, agree too.. u don't really need to buy a house, can always rent one.

This post has been edited by yee_voon: Apr 8 2008, 04:26 PM

hmmm, even rent also not enof money ... how ?? too much of commitment ....

never mind la ... let it be lo ...

to be a guy , u must learn to give in sometimes....hahaha ....

Don't simply think for divorce, it's unfair to ur kid =)
Be responsible do ur kid.

Well, work it out slowly.. but the most important thing is to voice it out to your wife..
I realize that guys usually don't voice out (especially typical Asian, hehe).. but actually, voicing out is a good way to release your tension, it's also a good way to let her know what you're thinking

already voice out everything i can ... but seriously , i don thini of any , not angry anymore , in fact no feeling d ...

cant help to say even anger also don have d , no to say love ...

Maybe it's really nothing much you can do.. ..
Just take whatever necessary actions you can do minimize the hurt for everyone..
Life still goes on, so you have to do things that mean the best for you, but you should also consider the feelings of people around you.
All the best, yah?

need to see if she wan to do thing best or not ..one hand doesnt clap ....

if you can't get along with your husband/wife's family, you don't really have a choice but to put up with them. My mom doesn't get along with my dad's younger brother but she tolerates him because my dad loves his brother.

yup..I know how you feel. Just take it easy, if she still doesn't want to do anything, just do whatever you have to as long as you can cover your kid's feelings..

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Added on April 11, 2008, 8:39 amIt's fine tolerating their presence as long as you don't stay with them, that's the max I can take

This post has been edited by yee_voon: Apr 11 2008, 08:39 AM

No And Never.

TS,

From your postings here, it sounds like you're a very grounded person so it must be pretty bad for you to not be able to handle it. For the life of me, I can't see a painless solution here. It's either a quick and painful one (if I were in the position, this is when I'd have to come up with some kind of ultimatum) or a long and painful one (just keep quiet and endure). Taking holidays to get away is a short-term temporary reprieve. Not a solution. I feel for you and I hope things work out soon. I'd go absolutely nuts if I were you!

By the way, this thread has turned from one from you asking for advice into one where you give advice

Thanks..I'm just going to progress very slowly right now & try to solve the problem as much as I can..
haha.. I'm feeling for everyone who has the same problem (or even worse problems) as me. So, I don't want to embiggen my problem even though I'm the TS. Everyone has got his/her problems, it'll just feel as good if you can find somewhere to let go. So, it really doesn't matter.

what is think is that , now kinds still very small , so he doenst know if we divorce . now don divorce then wait until when ? wait till the child getting bigger ? lets say 10 or 20 years old ? then we will be 40 50 years old d , still wanna divorce ? divorce during that time i think even hurt to child ... cos that time they are old enof to know , odvoisuly now they din know

True.. he may not feel that much, but he'll feel empty without a proper family, and if he's not brought up well enough, he's going to face alot of emotional problems when he grows up. Of course, that doesn't happen to everyone. Just to let you know that there could be such possibility. Again, the decision is yours. Like I say, as long as you can minimize the hurt, that's good enough. Just do things that are really good for you.

Things are very simple. Dont treat other ppl (be is your sisters/brothers) too good and come here complaining that they dont appreciate it. Since you already knew it, just let them mend their own business. On top of that, if the house belongs to you and which you pay with your own hard earn money, ask them to pay rent or move out. Its simple. When your parents ask, just tell them the truth. No complication here.

Normally I will try to offer some help (though might not be financially) to those friends/relatives who are having financial problem. But make sure they obey your rules or OUT they go. Rules is simple... you dont respect me then dont beg from me.

yeah, things can be simple if you don't have to consider of others' feelings, and it's not whether I like to be nice to his sisters, I'm doing it simply because I love my husband. The problem with me is that I cannot do things as freely as I want to be coz I need to think of his family. If not, I don't think I'll be so miserable now My husband is DEFINITELY not a good "bridge" (& this is largely due to his family upbringing, typical conservative & traditional type), so I always have communication problems with his family. I know he tried hard enough for me, but he can't afford to stand firm in front of his family. And I think I have the right reason of not voicing out my real feelings to his family because I don't want to complicate things.



This post has been edited by yee_voon: Apr 14 2008, 09:59 AM