4th stage... all treatment is paliative.. it's quite controverial to manage: either let them go home and enjoy the remaining time with family or undergo the painful chemo regime.

In a blunt truth kind of way, he is right. Although his delivery could be better.

And yes, there are ppl who have recovered from 4th stage but it is a 50-50 chance. The hardest thing is the fight to be optimistic that things will get better, especially when having to undergo the chemotherapy. It is even more painful when you're waiting there at the hospital day-by-day.

The cancer ward is probably the most gloomiest hospital ward as a lot of family members will more-or-less "abandon" the families in those wards. The silence of the wards is extremely tangible when they remove a patient who has pass away at night. Those who haven't gone to a cancer ward before, have a care on what you write to people here who are seeking help and a guiding light. Even though the intention to help with good, if you're not going to take the effort to give a few words of kindness and encouragement, I would suggest don't bother typing at all.

Valentineday, my only advice is that you would have to be positive for your mother. You can try drawing her attention away from the cancer by bringing her magazines, books, telling her what's happening in your life, etc. Anything to distract her mind and behaving it's a normal day because they would like normalcy. Touch her - this more than anything else will show that you love her. Hug her often. Occasionally have meals together with her just like it's a normal day. Even if she protested hard, deep down the appreciation is there that you are eating with her together. With stomach cancer, I'm not sure what kind of food that both of you can share together but drinks also helps. Eating alone can be extremely depressing.

My auntie suffered from a cancer in her nose that eventually spread to her spine during the regression period. She was the most optimistic person I've ever had the pleasure to have known and she kept her positive mood up even when she passed away quietly. Even when she lost the use of her teeth, we still fed her foods that she like - we just blended it so that she can swallow it like char kway teow. But this was at a stage where the cancer got so terrible that nothing could fix it. She was a joy and a cheerfulness in the cancer ward. We used to visit her regularly and spend hours with her. Some of my cousins got into bed with her and they just chitchat. We were also lucky to have found someone who knew about bedcare and we could hire her as a parttime nurse to help maintain my auntie's cleanliness.

There should be also some sort of Hospice Volunteer group at the Hospital. They usually provide advice and help to cancer patients and families of cancer patients during this period. Hospice doesn't only mean pallative care. It's also about teaching the families to deal with having a loved one who is having cancer. Speak to the hospital.

Chinese medicine is not so well regulated here compared to China, Taiwan, Korea and Japan. Singapore is making more advances towards traditional medicine control but in Malaysia, not really.

The problem with Chinese Medicine is that it's not well known what are the side reactions with Western Medicine. In fact, it's an extremely high risk and your parents should really consult the doctor looking after your auntie. Your parents are trying to help in the only way that they know how to. It's normal for relatives to feel like this with loved ones.

Life is unfair only because you view it as unfair. Sometimes, in tough situations, you have to be optimistic or at least, change the way you look at things. Yes, you can feel frustrated but you do not need to let it make you so angry at life. The only constant thing in life is change. Everything around us will change. So we should also change our thinking and viewpoint to suit the change.

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Added on March 23, 2009, 11:07 pmA small suggestion : you might want to consider buying "Chicken Soup for the Soul". See if there is one for cancer patients or something. The stories in there are motivational stories and can help perk up your day.