Anyone here or your wife has had unplanned pregnancy? What was your final decision?

I've just found out my wife is pregnant again. All my life, I've only worn protection 3 times. I was always so sure of myself but this finally happened. Wife should be around 4 weeks pregnant now. Our financial situation isn't that great at the moment, and I'm really stressed out on what action we should take next.
Worse comes to worst, we will need to really buckle up, eat mixed rice everyday and no more vacation, not even local holidays.

Care to share any similar experience?

How many kids u have already?
Since pregnant already - keep it. Later during birth - if through C-Section surgery ask them to 'ikat' the 'peranakan'. (Bilateral tubal ligation)
ie: tutup kilang. (no more preggy)

then after this you piap wifuuuu can panzhuut-zhut-zhut all you want inside - also no problem.

if birth via normal vaginal delivery - then immediately before discharge - ask for appointment for to 'ikat'. Your wifuu will have to come again some other day to do the procedure.

Currently one, we infact planned to only have one.
Thanks for the advice, will have a talk with her and hopefully she agrees to do that. She was reluctant previously, and asked why it couldn't be me to be the one doing the surgery. Lol.

pity your one child. Get another one lah.
At lease if got two - they can say they have sibling.

4 ppl in a famili ok what. travel also ngam2.

then y not you cut the tube ?

We've gotten lot of those kinda comments from friends and relatives.
But with limited financial resources, the situation is gonna be worse with more children.

Go ahead with the pregnancy. Do not abort no matter what. You won't regret it down the road and might thank yourself in keeping the pregnancy years later in hindsight.

Hang in there, Bro. My wife is 45 and I am 48, and we had our first child last year. After 20 years of waiting, and due to my wife having PCOS and now wanting the operation, we just left things as it was, prayed and got on with our lives.

And then Wife got pregnant. More renewed praying and we finally decided to keep the baby whatever NIPT said. And I tell you, at our age, EVERY THING AND EVERY DAY IS A STRUGGLE. Financial strain, holidays out the window, sleep out the window and the cold-sweat thinking that she'll only be 12 when I retire. But that was the hand we were dealt and we'll play it to the end. So, hang in there, whatever you decide.

This post has been edited by beverlykho: Jul 24 2025, 01:15 PM

I'm scared of surgery. Yea, might sound selfish, I know.

Whoa, such perserverance, I would have given up by 40. Hope everything is fine bro, and all the best!

To be honest, it did cross our mind, and infact it still is. But due to the fact that it's not so accessible here, we are a bit lost now on what the best next course action is.

Frankly, after seeing all the charsiu children nowadays, wouldn't be so sure that I'll thank myself in the future though. But thanks for the encouragement!

Actually, we thought, after 40 sure no "Goal!" and was planning to go visit Korea or Japan. Well, that's flocked...

The kid's now 14 months old and I'm on 3 double expressos a day, weekend's included. Did I mention my weekends lazing about in bed are flocked too...

By the way what's your age, and where are you based?

This post has been edited by beverlykho: Jul 24 2025, 01:24 PM

Not giving advice but if you going to the path of abortion, don't belittle it the impact of it to you and your wife - mentally, emotionally and physically. Do read up more on that and bring it up to discussion with your wife

go for full anesthetics then
sleep through the process

Actually..yes. Why not you go and ikat?

What does your wife think?

She prefers to go ahead with the kid. But ultimately, she said she'll go with my decision, as she is fully aware of our financial situation now.

then end of story. respect her wishes.
money can always find

if dun wan ikat, then another way is to put IMPLANON under her skin.
This one lasts about 3 years no preggy

I've fuck girls
don't believe when a woman says just remember to pull out if she wants you to raw
don't believe when a woman says she just before or finish period, the duration may not be 5-7 days consistently, and then if your sperm hasn't died in her canal, it has chance to meet the egg

keep the child, money will work itself out

I also do think that respect your wife wish, money can find, life does not come so easily. Although, I also only having 1 and struggling, but if I ever hit the jackpot, I don't think I will give up the little one.

I also agree that the abortion will cause mental health to the wife and bad for her body too. But that is my opinion here. Please do think wisely.

Get two la aiyo. Single child not going to grow up normal social wise. Seen way too many single child joining university or first job (the first time they leave the nest), their communication skill and thinking really is naive as fuck.

Love and financial support from parents alone is not enough to prepare them for this harsh world. They need to learn to socialize and handle relationship issues, best way to prepare them is having them socialize among siblings as they grow up. They learn while having the parents beside to guide them.

Also worst is when u grow old the kid will be alone dealing with your hospitalization and funeral. What a nightmare. Since 2020 i been dealing with MIL cancer, FIL dementia, my own mom also got medical condition need to see specialist every 2 weeks and my dad already heart attack once. All this in just 5 years. I cannot imagine handling all this as single child and still work full time, literally impossible.

not a parent myself

but on and off help take care nieces and nephew.

2nd child is apparently not as costly as first one, so no need to ikat perut.

for now yes, ikat first, take care of your wife's mental health. while also think of ways to improve financial standing.

Keep the kid, use it as motivation to go earn more.

Having a sibling for your current child is also good. I love seeing my kids play together. My 3rd kid is turning 3 this oct. The trouble is worth it.

Don't go for abortion, it'll haunt you for life, and i heard the karma is really really bad too

Income + expenses still can play around, work part time like e-hailing and be frugal. There is cheap and expensive way to raise a child

dah kena then just bite the bullet and move on

my wife also otw to deliver 2nd kid ..but we are planned..then after that tutup kilang



please pakai helmet or just go ikat

This post has been edited by fantasy1989: Jul 24 2025, 03:02 PM

Not recommending it but abortion is possible and quite accessible at least in the Klang Valley, Penang and JB. Talk to some gynaes at specialist clinics, some don't do it at all and some specialise on abortions. As someone mentioned above, there are emotional and physical consequences so make sure to discuss this openly with your wife multiple times before proceeding with this option.

Since you only have 1 kid, I would suggest that you proceed with having the kid as it will be good for your first kid to have a sibling and to both parents as well to have a second child. People overthink about the financial aspects of having kids. What kids actually need are quite basic but some parents tend to think too much about trying to give the "best" but their best is always about money instead of spending time with their kids and being there for them.

You should keep the child, and count your blessings.
My wife had miscarriage for 2nd child, later we almost got twins but she’s one of the rare cases where both twin share the same sack and they didn’t make it.
Hopefully all goes well with the pregnancy

I have 3 years old daughter and 2 years old boy, incoming 3rd one.

My wife never ready for any kid, but then always unexpected preggy since we are too active.

Financially, a bit tough because I stopped working quite sometime, while she’s working remotely.

So far haven’t touch saving, still can cover, but, thing will get better when you believe it will.

only 1 child, is good to have another. unplanned by you but probably planned by divine power.

Vasectomy is a relatively minor procedure, done under LA.

Not sure if you’re more scared of this minor procedure or a lifetime of horror via an unplanned pregnancy.

FAFO.

It's daycare procedure for guys if I am not wrong.

If me, I will suggest abortion since u said u are not well-off / not willing to sacrifice your time / money

Better to make decision fast before u regret later.. Can abort before certain period of time

Best is ask your wife to decide as she's the one carrying the baby

Just wondering, u use protection also she can get pregnant ? Hope u are the true father and not someone else.. Seen so many stories in FB where the parents are white but the kid comes out black

This post has been edited by -PuPu^ZaPruD3r-: Jul 24 2025, 03:49 PM

Well, there's always pros and cons and nothing is for certain. Plenty of charsiu kids pushing responsibilities to each other as well. But do agree with you on the part where having sibling is better for the kid, I myself have 2 siblings.
Anyway, sorry about your family's situation.

Wait, wasn't your first kid just born not long ago? That was fast.

Financial situation means it's a workable problem. Start exploring, upskilling and market your skills to get additional income. All the best TS.

If is Unplanned then plan for it right now.
May be your mentality is not ready yet but there is plenty of time for it

You're the first one here so far supporting the idea of abortion. Yea, will have one last proper talk with her before deciding.
Nope I didn't use protection, all my life I've only used protection for 3 times out of 400+ times (lost count), that's why I was so sure of my pull out game, well this time things didn't work out.

Thanks everyone, for all the positivity and encouragements.

my kid now 1.5

then 2nd kid end of year

age gap ngam ngam 2 y.o

2 kids nice la..

Still easy to go anywhere..

Your financial issue could be temporarily or long term. Who knows what might happen. It might worsen or better after the baby. If worsen, you or your wife might resent the baby. No one knows for sure. If you both decided to abort, you could still have another planned child in the future.

This is deeply personal and no one will understand what you and your wife is going through right now. What works for others might not work for you. Have a deep discussion with your wife. Hope all goes well.

This post has been edited by kawa_e: Jul 24 2025, 04:19 PM

Just giving my thoughts from religion (Taoism/Buddhism) perspective which might not be applicable to you.
Perhaps you should also consider the views of your parents and in-laws on this matter.
Its unplanned - yes but now both of you have created a life.

From Google search
Individual Circumstances:
The karmic repercussions of abortion are believed to vary based on individual circumstances, intentions, and spiritual development.

Potential for Regret and Guilt:
Even with a Taoist perspective, some may experience regret or guilt after an abortion, especially if it was not a last resort or if there was a lack of understanding of the situation.

Bub, keep the baby

Don't overthink the unknown. Things will get better for you and the family because this baby will be your lucky charm

This post has been edited by shingo81: Jul 24 2025, 04:42 PM

Delete. Double post.

This post has been edited by shingo81: Jul 24 2025, 04:41 PM

IKR!!! One of the most positive threads we've read - and beverlykho's reply is the one that made my day. Wishing you both all the best




I'll just drop a little PSA here - for all the parents, experienced and new, first-timers and seasoned papa mamas - set the CHILD REMINDER on your WAZE app.
How?
Open Waze -> Settings > Reminders > Child Reminder.

What it does?
It reminds you TO CHECK YOUR CAR UPON ARRIVAL each time you reached your destination - double check your car seats BEFORE YOU depart your car.

Look at b40
Low salary , 3 to 7 kids
And yet they still make it

U will find your way to settle it if u decided to keep the child

Advice here , don’t gamble heavily , don’t invest in quick money scheme

Congratulations!
You should be happy and don't worry too much.
Things will work out fine.

You must be in dire situation if you can't even afford milk formula and just basic kindergarten

How dire is your current finance? How old?

Thread kinda answers that tbh

It's more than that. Diapers, one off items like baby bottles are some things that come to mind, but major cost will still be daycare. Good thing though is I get to save on other things like crib, playpen passed down from my older child.

Not to the point of starving, but for sure need to sacrifice on leisure stuffs, vacation and maybe even cuti2 Malaysia also can no longer afford. Early 30s

day care, food, school, tertiary education.. overall.. 20yrs of commitment, total cost1M++.. then again, decision is yours to be made. on the flip side, who doesnt has any commitment in life? that also a driving force to do more..

Chinese family these days are quite happy with 1

Bringing any child in this world definitely requires long term commitment just like a marriage. You are still young and not in a dire situation; you all just have to change a bit of your lifestyles eg not eating out or taking holidays. We have been through your situations before and can only say at the end, it’s worthwhile!!. We were also young and have three kids, sacrificing holidays and cooking at home. Brought kids out to the playgrounds, picnics, playing kites and learning how to ride a bike. No extra money for piano, ballet or even tuitions but spent many hours in the MBBJ library and watching movies at home. Kids all turned up fine, great careers and families of their own. Now we spend our time travelling to visit them or travelling on our own because we are commitment free. Come back in another 20+ years and share with our fellow netizens how things turned out for you. Hopefully more will be inspired from your sharing. Wishing you and family unending blessings and happiness

Pandai panchot Pandai jaga

unethical to abort already once pass 2nd or 3rd month cause the baby head already there. One of my fwbs said she can take some pill to let it drop out (abortion) I don't know what's the pill called

Congratulations!!! Happy to hear this kinda news

Pick up some side jobs now to supplement income..

First of all, Congratulations dude

dont worry.. everything will be okay.. you'll manage.. child is a bless.

Child is not a financial burden.

Child is a blessing.

Stay strong brotha

If you need any help in the future, work wise or money, just ask.

We might not be able to help much, but I am sure some of us will help you in ways to ease your burden.

This post has been edited by GTA5: Jul 24 2025, 08:25 PM

TS and his wife talked about having only one child, but in this post, I don't see any real effort to prevent pregnancy. If you and your wife were truly serious about avoiding another pregnancy, situations like this wouldn't happen. Don't tell me you were relying on the rhythm method or the pull-out method—both of which have been shown to be highly unreliable.

I would suggest abortion for the well-being of everyone involved. Why bring another child into a world where both of you are unable to provide the best for them? Even worse, the limited resources meant for your first child will now have to be shared with a second. The world is a never-ending rat race and hardships. I see little reasons for bringing another child into it—especially when they cannot consent to being born, and their parents weren’t even planning to have them in the first place.

Those encouraging you not to consider abortion are only feeding into your own selfish desires. Have you truly thought about whether that unborn child would even want to be born under these circumstances?

Don’t be surprised if, one day, you hear things like “I didn’t ask to be born” or “I wasn’t even planned,” especially if their life doesn’t turn out well.

This post has been edited by imadeyoureadthis1: Jul 24 2025, 09:17 PM

Serious advise, u might want to consider vasectomy IF u and ur partner decide no more kids. Discuss with her.

2 kids is no good, the elder will bully the young one like no tomorrow

Dude u think so easy say want abortion just do it?

Some ppl may regret after that and feel guilty then lead to depression and even self harm.

I know everyone going to FCUK me!

Base on what you write, my advice is drop now as under 6 weeks is no life n your life partner is safe.

Please do it probably as this is your life partner.

101% agree!

Watch your blood pressure!

i agree, that's why abortion should be legalized and make it accessible in public. We don't need to pump out kids they lack their own agency to think independently and do on their own will

wait it for few more weeks cannot drop already, it will considered as murder

A maid with min wage is 1.7k. Bringing the maid in is 15-20k (one time)

Costs related to birth which are non-mandatory: A caesarean in private 10-15k. Confinement 20-30k. Confinement lady is lower 5-10k you provide the ingredients. But since you have not mentioned these I'm assuming these aren't issues (government hosp; in laws/parents)

I understand not wanting a child after a certain number (though I do not understand childless marriages) but even contemplating having to abort a child once it has been conceived because of lifestyle sacrifices (read: not needs)...

This post has been edited by Inc. 100: Jul 25 2025, 05:24 AM

Few things for saving cost at early stage. Go to government hospital for checkup and delivery. Try to get as many second hand items as possible for baby needs. Breast feed to at least 2 years old. Going to save tons on milk powder. Skip all those confiment, is just transitional thing. Of course finally, find better job or get more business. I know how you feel. I have the same plan of having 1 child but fate take its way, my wife was pregnant with twins. 😊 god must be joking. We were struggling financially as well but 13 years later my twins are in internal school. We have more vacations than you can imagine. My twins celebrated their 5th birthday in London. I cannot even believe that. Sometimes fate take its path. Just have to walk the path the best you can.

This post has been edited by sonerin: Jul 25 2025, 07:23 AM

Mix respond with some suggest abortion but not others.

One kid is really sad; good to have another one. I see my only one kid cousin growing up alone .. really lonely one so I agree at least 2 min ..
You should count your blessing as new couple usually hard to get pregnant due to PCOS and what not (medical health related matters)

Not to be mean to compare you with "foreigner" .. if they can have UNHCR with few kids to survive .. why can't you since you are local with better priviledge than them ..

Also I think there is a saying "Anak itu rezeki" .. It the end, things will find its way ..

The argument you've presented is a breathtakingly cynical and intellectually bankrupt assault on human life, family, and resilience. This is a disgusting and soulless calculation that reduces a human being to a line item on a budget. What is "the best"? A bigger house? More expensive toys? A trust fund? History is filled with brilliant, happy, and successful people who grew up with far less.

Life is filled with hardship, yes, but it is also filled with indescribable joy, beauty, love, and triumph. To deny someone the chance at all of it because you are afraid of the difficult parts is the height of cowardice.

That's really selfish, not "sound" selfish lo.

Keep it. Dont abortion. It is killing.
Many people do want kid but cant.

first. thank you for replying.

2nd. you need to be reprimanded. coz its not like it might not happen again.
you dah know you poor and cant afford another child, yet still childish and say things like
"Nope I didn't use protection, all my life I've only used protection for 3 times out of 400+ times (lost count), that's why I was so sure of my pull out game, well this time things didn't work out."
well tough luck, tough guy, you outran your luck.
if this aint stupid i dunno what is.
i get it when at times, maybe too excited and didnt use protection once a year or something but to brag about this?

lastly. nasi dah jadi bubur.
everyone will think differently la. so hard to say or advise, even your financial is relative, you say not enough other ppl say enough.
heck i reprimanded you but if i got another accident 3rd kid, i will "struggle" like you too.

though i must say, i dont think i will go to abortion route (think so la. but mana tau).

not sure how old is your kid now but its not all doom and gloom la.
like those food, clothes or even baby stuff expenses could be kept low.

lets not talk about confinement, etc since i dunno you will go center or got parents/in law help. i know i did get help.
heck we even use cloth diapers coz we think its better for the baby, only use diapers at night.
eat more at home, eat more hawker food, limit restaurant outing a bit more.
find more activity locally that kids and your family enjoy.

the biggest expenses would be babysitter and the kindergarden i would say. but after that. the kids will have free study in primary and secondary school, so you got 11 years of each to beef up your saving again.
dial down your oversea vacation, see more your own country. the kids dont have much demand and its a waste of money. want go further wait till they older.
if you say its your wife and your own wish to travel, well tough luck, cookie. you asked for it.

college time well there is cheap version too. like TARUC. by then if you dont mind (not ideal) there is still ptptn and kids can take more responsibility.

unless you itchy like me, kids like english more, thinking cheap private secondary school

but ultimately choice is yours la. if abortion, while i dont encourage it, there is way for it.
i think i know a clinic nearby my area that do that in KL.
discuss with your partner, discuss if keep it, this is going to be the way of life until things got better, is she okay to work with you on that.

This post has been edited by cempedaklife: Jul 25 2025, 11:00 AM

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was in your situation last year.
already have 3 (f,f,m) and both of us busy working schedule, our bed activity is very limited, due to youngest baby sleep with us. 1 year can count with 1 hand. wife had to take care of kids + work, while i need to work late night.

one fine day, we were both wfh and kids at daycare.. suddenly dunno why got mood, we did it at my working desk, it was sudden, we never use protection cos its so rare and unprepared... i think that was the only sex we had that year..and voila.. came home 1 day wife ask me check the item on my table.. i had a look it's ultrasound of a twin baby...

then wife ask the hard question, keep or abort? it's a twin... hardest decision.. 2 lives there... we dare not face it... for the next few weeks wife go checkup as normal and we kinda avoid talking about it.. until 1 day wife ask me seriously, must make decision already. i said keep it. she presented all the realities and ask me am i ready... i had no choice, i said yes.

so in the few months to come, we started planning, bought a MPV, bought a landed house, a semi-D (just recently moved in2 months ago), hired a maid, etc. both me and my wife, we are T20... but now we can feel the financial struggle la.. maid and the 2 babies we sent to daycare cos worry maid cannot jaga... so 5 kids expenses, food, clothing, daycare, everything.... lifestyle also change... we had to cancel our japan trip this year, last year before wife deliver, 5 of us went to korea and UK trip. this year? next year? most likely stay at home.. because it's hard to travel with 5 kids, with 2 twin babies + 1 boy toddler. the girls are ok.. they are helpful and listen to us. but the boy....

my wife would sometime complain and went berserk and hysteria mode.. due to the stress with the 2 babies, and change of lifestyle, etc. so yeah it's affecting her greatly... myself too... at night cannot sleep, 1 cry the other will cry...

did i regret? no, but it could've been prevented if i didnt take things for granted. i only worry my wife. i'll be travelling to middle east for few weeks, i worry if my wife can handle 5 kids.

but let's look at the positive side.. i will make sure all 5 of them have good education, good family values, and when they are grown up, situation will be better. thinking of the benefits of having large family. for now, have to work hard and sacrifice a bit. another good thing is, wife deliver via C section so we asked doctor to ikat for her... so no more worries about any unwanted pregnancies again in future..

reading through the thread, its interesting and some sort scary how some view having kids are a burden.
To each their own i would say and don't need to change your mind.
However, I think about how 1 child will live when the parents are gone. How parents will live when the 1 child does not grow up as expected or had short comings.

No help from parents of either side?

Your family have previously any records of giving birth to twins?

TS, child is a blessing.

Got my unplanned youngest with 5 years gap to the earlier one. Always told her is a blessing to replaced my eldest. Play and have fun together daily. Imagine after a tired day and see a cute child, it become refreshed immediately

Actually time with child is short, normally is 17 years. Some is even shorter for 12 years. So make good use of it and count the blessing

Think outside the box. Cut didi

the answer is there. u dont need random strangers online to give you a reason to keep/not to keep the baby.

your child will be very happy (i hope) to have a playmate. look on the bright side, better now than few years later, that time u getting old, lagi susah.

grats!

If you already plan to have one then this is a blessing.

Trust me,.time are bad NOW, but it will change.

Many wanted to have kid, they can even have it.

Plan accordingly and enjoy the journey.

Wished my wife can understand the statement above...

We went through good times and bad times. When we had our second one, that time I got retrenched. Very bad time. We reduce our spending and manage our cost, even downgraded our cars.

And now we asked, why didn't we go for a 3rd one ?

Yeah me and my wife after our 2nd kid, we agreed for my wife to ikat close shop. At least can shoot inside her no worries bout her getting pregnant all these years

Min should have 2

This post has been edited by kkkw80: Jul 25 2025, 04:53 PM

my wife have a twin brother

i know ktard like to make jokes on muslim view on anak is rezeki, but have faith brother.. more wealth is coming to your family. every life comes with its own set of rezeki. most will deny it but truth is hard to swallow

Sorry to hear abt yr retrenchment.. I went through it twice and survived both.. Life aint rosy but luckily I hv been very careful with my expenses all these while. Dont drive fancy car dont wear bling bling and etc …

Thank you for the positive reply. Your reply made my day too, Bro. And that's a good tip.