Her past comes haunting her, but you can advise and support to put her past to rest:
- ask her why she insists to go out with these men
- if she's being blackmailed, then it's your choice to shoulder such burden with her. Remember: internet is ruthless but forgetful.
- if she thinks they're platonic friends now then voice your insecurities and that you prefer her to hang out with other friends. If one really wants the current relationship to flourish then the pesky past loves need to be cast aside. There needs to be a balance between her freedom and your insecurities, but I think it's fair in your case to demand her commitment because she already broke your trust (elaborate to her if needed). Trust needs to be rebuilt and both need to work towards enabling the freedom and security again.

It sounds to me she cares about this relationship too, but something needs to change. The stories are a bit too vague so maybe there's some misunderstanding there? Talk it out together, acknowledge as your negative emotions arise but remind each other that you argue with a goal in mind: you both want a happy ending with each other.

Lol I'm definitely not generating any AI response, but I was parroting some of what others already said (e.g. possibility of blackmail).

3rd reason: if her exes are her only choices then maybe she should find new friends.

Well, you won't necessarily know how you'll feel and act when push comes to shove. You may think you can't handle her past, but maybe you'll accept it and support her when the time comes. Or maybe not, but I don't think you need to blame yourself too much about it.

But I think what's important now is that she should know you have lots of insecurities with her past baggage, and those things have been fuelling your behaviour that her friends call "red flags". You should not hide behind your anger, instead consider sharing your emotions with her and hopefully that drives her to do what she needs to, in order to let you feel secure again.

You both always have the choice to leave, because it's easier to be single/unhurt... But is she worth your pain / are you worth her pain?

This post has been edited by Takudan: Jun 1 2025, 04:11 PM