Long story short.
We matched on Boo. It felt like she really liked the way I was chatting with her, and I really liked her too. Exchanged Instagram and chat a little more there.

She invited me to join her on classpass, I was too afraid to start a date like that and I declined. Then I decided to invited her for lunch instead
So we meet for lunch SPONTANEOUSly. Probably a stupidly bad idea, was never prepared for anything. She said it's okay, it's not a date. So I'm like alright, I'm super excited to meet her.
So I went to pick her up, started talking from the moment we met,
I Probably got way too exited, I feel like I opened up way to much. Shared a little too much stories because I wanted to keep the conversation going.

Then shared a little bit about some things that happened
"I hated that friend that sells insurance"
She's like, oh. I sell insurance too.
Me thinking: oh shit... I didn't mean it that way. I'm probably failing so bad already.

I tried to be as genuine as possible. But after that encounter. It makes me feel like sometimes being toooo genuine is a red flag also.

the whole process just makes me feel like I'm such a failure.
Did not think about her feelings, maybe scared her a little because how deep my convo goes.

After this encounter, I come to an understanding that
1. It's never good to open up right away, take your time to slowly get to know each other even tho you want to share your stories.
2. Sometimes staying silent and listen is more than enough. If the girl is interested in you, she would ask you questions and talk to you.
3. Never do any spontaneous meetings, always be prepared, if you're not. Just postponed the meeting. If she lose interest, it's probably not even worth your time anyway.

This encounter makes me feel like I'm back in middle school where love at first sight still exist. It literally feels like flowers started to bloom all around her.i was genuinely in love or should I say, I liked her instead.

Just wanted to share my experience and then let it go then move on. It's been bugging my and I couldn't sleep because of it haha. Talk about pathetic 🥲

Thank you for reading. God bless 🙏🏻

Its just life experience, move on.

You already identified what you did wrong.

U liked her too much, hence invested too much emotions that you cant control. As a result Bla bla too much abt yourself. Boring and a turn off for a girl who is not yet into you. Gave vibe that you are trying too hard, desperate and of lower value than her. Always check your emotions.

Spontaneous dates can be ok actually. We hv to take what we can sometimes. But dont be afraid to say no.

I don't see any rejection

She literally sent me a message saying that she doesn't feel any romantic connection right after the first date😂

I liked that she's direct. I didn't feel offended. Just sad HAHA

Too little cannot, too much cannot, so difficult 🫠

the keyword is

She's like, oh. I sell insurance too

padan muka

Yeaaaaah HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Honestly I don't hate them as a whole. I also buy insurance mah. Who doesn't buy medical card right? Lol
When I told her stories about that particular friend THAT sells insurance lol.
Well anyhow it's my fault 😂

All kinds of people out there. If you meet someone who's looking for someone to open up and you apply your lessons here with her, then you fucuk up again and open tered to say always remember to share and open up to build romantic connection.

Learn from mistakes, move on 🙂

did you lead the conversation and she is just following? if yes then it is too much from your side. try to balance it... let her open up too.. if she didnt open up and wait for u to open up, try sth light to keep her going... if u start with heavy topic, it might scare her off... maybe wad she want is a casual talk but u sound like prime minister taking care of the whole country.

u need to observe how she responded... if she is just uhh oh... then too much... if she responded equally, then u r just nice... if u see she is trying to talk more but u just like uhh ohh then u r too little..

Moral of the story
talk less, listen more

ask and find out as much as you can from her, then resonate what she say back at her.

the goal is to sell yourself to her, and how can you sell if you don't know what she wants, who she is, what she is looking for?

selling insurance same... i don't come and introduce what amazing products i have. i find out what matters to you -- your health, your parent's health, your children's education.. then i propose a plan that suits your needs... not sell you amajing investment plan that gives you 20% return over 30 years.

u macam 0 experience lol

key lesson to be learned

don't over share on the first date

ask more questions, talk less, listen more

all the best for the future

U just said haha?

Should say. Abuthen, it's not even a date, u think too much.

Direct Sales / Insurance = Scam

Attracting women is like a game. Thats why some ppl use the term "player" for a guy who is good at it.

And you will get much better results if you dont take it too seriously.

actually nothing wrong to talk more

generally women prefer men who can talk more rather than men who keep quiet

just that you shouldn't share too much personal stories yet

I spilled everything on first meeting. Best to get it out of the way ASAP. Also I go into all first meeting with the goals of not getting a second meeting. Hence won't be disappointed.

she just want to sell some insurance plans to you

Bro, totally agree!

Maybe she just wants to sell insurance to you too... so pretending to be interested in you.

yea so many insurance agents / salesgirls / scammer using dating apps to find potential client

Thats why we need to be smart....

Play n buy then cancel it (Insurance).

Let them enjoy the lesson.

Bro, we can do it.

You met her first time and you picked her up in your car? That is dangerous.
Is this your first time meeting up someone in online dating? Expect to be rejected 99.99% of the time.

It's not black and white thing lah
recently there is a girl came to kl visit
we also met up spontaneously
I spent like unusually few hundred ringgit for first date
she did initiate a lot of girlfriend hand holding stuff
we got physically close to the point I'm able to grab her waist
but when I try to go for that kiss, she rejected me
and of course,
she didn't pay a single cent for the last 2 dates
she even asked me for money because mentioning she don't have enough cash on hand (it sounds like a scam but actually its not)

and it's not hell a lot of money
I can understand from her perspective
maybe she thinks she looks hot
when you maneuver in life, things always happen
like shit, I'm gonna learn how to adapt for better potential outcomes
that's how we grow more maturely.

This post has been edited by -mystery-: Apr 18 2025, 07:44 AM

I'm curious why you think it's dangerous and expect to get rejected 99.99% maybe that's your own overall subjective experiences

maybe you expressed yourself as too straight and formal guy la
sometimes, when a girl talks to you, you want to disqualify or make it a challenge and tease for her to light up her emotions

If you unable to do it regularly, you probably feeling tense in your belief system that regulates your words and actions

that's what happen when I mouth fast too
gonna filter a little bit when talking
but too much filter will make us live inside our mind and unable to free associate

it's pretty similar when you say ie,
"I don't like a girl when she's materialistic or try hard"

she will interpret it as
"He doesn't like a girl to spend his money, maybe he will be the one who doesn't appreciate his girlfriend during important occasion/I think he doesn't realize women make their own money too/he looks like a woman hater because he thinks all women are oweing him and bla bla bla"

most people are self conscious and narcissistic when it comes to relating to what people say back to themselves

so these days during the meetups
I try to be as objective as possible when expressing myself

This post has been edited by -mystery-: Apr 18 2025, 07:53 AM

Too many facewash girl also
There are all at similar companies and doing the same photoshooting

because she is still a stranger.
I think you are being too kind not to expect someone to point you with a knife.
I'm brought up in a family that is cautious with strangers and gifts (unexpected drugs).

This post has been edited by Skylinestar: Apr 18 2025, 08:26 AM

Not really. I mean maybe yes at the later part of the "date". I was following her in the beginning. But yeah, I probably scared her off. I kinda felt that after I started my stories of me and my friends. Hahahaha. Welp, can't do anything. Just learn from mistakes 🫠

Omg this is good 🗿

Technically yeah, I'm 26, never really have a relationship with any girls. Did date twice but only lasted a month so I wouldn't call that a relationship, more like she's testing whether I'm a good match or not.

Asked why or what, they just simply told me that we're not suitable and poof gone. 🫠

Omg how can I learn to challenge and tease a girl? 😂 I watched alot of cringe rizz videos I somehow can't imagine doing that and work 😂

Yeaah totally agree. She's probably thinking B C D when what I really intent was just A the whole time 😂 I can feel that too after I shared my opinion/stories during the "date"

I'm not sure how to be objective but I guess I'll try. Any tips? Hahah

Yeaah I was prepared for that kind of encounter. Just this girl in particular I don't feel any intent on that.
I met a few girls that has that intention and it's howling in their faces. Got tricked once to join an mlm. When I realised it, it's already too late. Paid 2k worth of products and I take it as a lesson. Now that girl that sold me products had a boyfriend, honestly I was wondering if he got tricked the same way or it's just me being dumb 😂

Agree with Ramjade's approach.

TS, if your date can't take you the way you are (personality, character, mindset), it's means she's not the right match for you.

Really? Someone here disagree especially when they said if a girl offer AA, don't take. I was WTF man. If you offer means you are expected to AA but in actual fact they are testing the guy. Really WTF.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Apr 18 2025, 02:58 PM

she might be trying to sell insurance to you.
don't think so much.

What does AA mean?

Btw dating is abt marketing/sales. Otherwise, might as well just pass resume.

If it's the first date and a woman offers AA, there are several possible reasons:

A) She's testing the man...to gauge how much he likes her, and how the relationship would probably be like if she continues with him. Is he stingy or generous with her?

B) She doesn't like the man that much and friendzones him, so she doesn't want to owe him anything.

C) She has the habit of AA with anyone.

D) She thinks the man is poorer than her and doesn't want to spend his money.

Usually, if a man asks a woman out, he should be paying for the meal on their first date. Common courtesy. Second date and onwards can AA.

(For those who dunno what AA is, it means go Dutch/split bills/pay 50-50.)

This post has been edited by Ralna: Apr 18 2025, 08:04 PM

AA means you pay for your own food. AB means one of you pays for both

TS its all part and parcel of the dating game and thats the fun of it.
Enjoy the experience while you can because before you know, you will meet the one.

This post has been edited by COOLPINK: Apr 18 2025, 08:52 PM

She pay for it or pay half or pay what she order.

I always pay first despite them offering. But come on la. If you offer, I expect you to be serious and not use it as a test.

I offer to pay first and I am genuine about it. There is no testing about it on my part.

Even though I feel like not seeing her again I will always pay first.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Apr 18 2025, 09:59 PM

Ah..never heard of the term b4. Thanks.

And same here, I always pay. Even when the girl offers to pay and i know it will be our first and last date. I will laugh it off and tell her say dont worry about it.

But my first dates are not fancy. I will avoid dinner.
(unless no other choice). And I never pick the girls up on first date. So its a way of thanking her of putting the effort to come.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Apr 19 2025, 08:56 AM

You go across to Singapore and see. Slowly tunggu. Malaysian ladies are getting a good deal and they just expect it to be the norm.

Hello, ladies talk about equality and all, yet have such expectations. Can’t have it both ways.

Our generosity and chivalry is not the norm. Our parents raised us well so don’t take it for granted.

I've worked in Singapore before and been on dates with Singaporean men. Most were well-mannered and paid for the first meal because they wanted to.

At the end of the day, I believe gestures like that depend on whether a woman earns that kind of generosity. Not every woman does, especially if she lacks grace, charm, or even basic courtesy.

Lastly, not all Malaysian/Asian women subscribe to Western feminist ideals of gender equality.

If a Malaysian/Asian man insists on total equality—splitting bills, going Dutch, and a 50-50 approach for everything—he should date someone who shares those same values. They'll feel good going out together and partnering with each other.

However, for other women, it might not be the case. There are women, like me, who still believe in conservative femininity and appreciate male chivalry.

To each their own.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Apr 19 2025, 05:00 PM

It is fine and well, until women weaponize this against men, esp in working and professional environment preaching equality.

I don’t believe in equality simply because women is superior. As a man I can’t give birth.

I'm generally of the opinion that first dates should be casual, just meet for coffee or a walk in the park or something. Much better for building a connection by putting all those expectations aside.

IMO, testing is stupid. Its understandable why one might want to do it, but its impossible to validate the "test".

Came across a story once, where there's this super attractive girl when she goes on first date with guys; will choose the restaurant, and she will treat the waitress like shiet and be super bratty. The waitress is her friend, and the whole thing is an act. She is testing to see if the guy would put up with her behavior. She wants a guy that will call her out on her BS behavior.

Sounds like a good idea, until you think about it a bit deeper. If I was in the guy's shoes, I wouldn't say anything, just end the date and put her in the crazy lady folder. Which is what most guys would do. So end up, she filters out the good men, and the only ones left behind are the sociopaths who would see what's up and play the game. A set up for failure.

Just have your own standard and stick to it. Don't try to beat someone's test either, if you fail it let it be. Do people really want to be a in relationship where they are constantly tested? It would be bloody exhausting.

You are a great example of this, you know what you want and you just lay it out. The one who sticks around will be the one who's compatible with you. You only need one right?

Unfortunately this person PoorButHumble don't agree with me.
https://forum.lowyat.net/index.php?showtopi...#entry111409802

Ya lo. I only need one.

Serious......

If Im the person ask her out, Min buy food for her. (Single Female)

Off course, I like her if not why I ask her out.

About her, I cant control.

Maybe you can say Im dumb.

Just few hours ago, ex wife n kid ask me go for dinner. (Dumb again, pay again.)

On other hand, you will ask me why you do that please!?

Dont hate her!?

Serious, I hate but she is kid mother.

Character is cancer.

Life = Choice.

I always put my family first. mum, kid, ex wife (In no particular order).

Last, if I have new partner then different story.

You got the right mindset, you can’t control the lady’s mind. So do your best.

You are playing a role in your kid’s life.

What your ex wife does to you, doesn’t change your character. She’s a freeloader and you’re generous. And she take advantage of that generosity. You do it for the kid so that kid is raised well.

Don’t let assholes like me in the world change who you are. There’s just too many assholes out there.

It depends on what type of female a guy is going for
for example, if the girl works as DJ as bunch of guys throwing themselves to her, it's common that she will want you to spend on her like at W hotel bar, value as a guy is relative to her own perception and surrounding

of course, the worst kind of experience is you pay for her, she doesn't invest onto conversation or even holding your hands being affectionate lmao