Hey there. It sounds like you're carrying a heavy load right now, and it takes courage to share all of that. It's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed with the new job, the debt, the upcoming travel, and the echoes of the past two challenging years. You're not making excuses by mentioning your mental health; it's a significant part of your experience and impacts how you're feeling.

Let's break things down and see if we can find some helpful paths forward:

Regarding your difficulty focusing during training:
Be open with your boss (to a degree): Since they seem chill, you could say something like, "I'm really excited to learn everything, and I'm finding there's a lot of information to absorb. To make sure I grasp it well, could we try [suggest a specific learning style that works for you, e.g., hands-on practice after explanation, written notes I can refer to, breaking down tasks into smaller steps]?" You don't need to disclose your MDD unless you feel comfortable and it's relevant to the conversation.
Take active notes: Even if you struggle to focus while someone is talking, the act of writing things down can help engage your brain and give you something to refer back to.
Ask clarifying questions: Don't be afraid to ask "Can you explain that again?" or "Just to be sure I understand..." It's better to clarify now than to make mistakes later.
Break down learning sessions: If possible, see if training can be broken into shorter chunks with breaks in between.
Prioritize sleep: You mentioned not feeling rested. Even though your rest day is Sunday, try to implement small changes during the week. Can you wind down earlier? Create a more relaxing bedtime routine? Even an extra 30 minutes of quality sleep can make a difference.


Addressing your debt and rent:
Prioritize and strategize: Make a clear list of all your debts, including the amounts and who you owe. Then, create a realistic budget of your income and expenses. Identify areas where you can cut back temporarily to allocate more towards debt repayment.
Communicate (where appropriate): For your house rent, could you have an honest conversation with your landlord? Explain your upcoming travel for work and see if there's any temporary arrangement possible, even if it's just delaying a payment slightly or finding a short-term subletter (though this might be difficult for 3-6 months).
Explore debt management options: Look into resources available in Malaysia for debt counseling or management. Agencies like AKPK (Agensi Kaunseling dan Pengurusan Kredit) can provide free advice and help you create a debt repayment plan.
Regarding the empty house during training: This is a valid worry. Could a trusted friend or family member stay there temporarily, even if it's just for a few weeks, to give the appearance of occupancy? Alternatively, explore if your landlord would be open to a short-term lease break or a reduced rent during your absence, though this might be a long shot.


Navigating the upcoming out-of-state training:
Focus on the opportunity: Try to reframe the training as a chance for growth and skill development, which can ultimately benefit your career and financial situation.
Logistics planning: Once you have more details about the training location and duration, start planning the logistics. This might include transportation, accommodation during training, and how you'll manage your belongings back home.
Communicate with your boss: Discuss any concerns you have about the duration of the training and its impact on your current living situation. They might have suggestions or support available.


Dealing with the past and your mental health:
Continue seeking professional help: It's commendable that you sought help for your MDD. Continue your therapy and medication as prescribed. Consistent mental health support is crucial, especially during times of stress.
Practice self-compassion: You've been through a lot. Try to be kind and understanding towards yourself. The past doesn't define your future, and you're taking positive steps by working again.
Focus on the present: While it's important to acknowledge your past experiences, try to focus your energy on what you can control in the present – learning your new job, managing your finances, and taking care of your well-being.


Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge your progress, no matter how small it seems. You landed a management role, and your colleagues and boss appreciate you. That's a significant achievement!
Regarding the fear of disappointing your colleagues and boss:


Their positive feedback is genuine: Try to trust their assessment of you. They see your potential and are happy to have you on the team.
Growth takes time: Everyone understands that you're new and have a learning curve. It's okay not to know everything immediately. Your willingness to learn and your positive attitude likely contribute to their high expectations.
Honest effort is what matters: As long as you are putting in your best effort and showing a willingness to learn and contribute, that's what truly counts.
In summary, here's a possible action plan:

Prioritize your well-being: Make small but consistent efforts to improve your sleep. Continue your mental health treatment.


Financial clarity: List all debts, create a budget, and explore debt management options like AKPK. Communicate with your landlord about your situation.


Workplace strategies: Communicate your learning needs to your boss, take active notes, ask questions, and break down learning.


Training logistics: Gather details about the out-of-state training and plan accordingly. Discuss any major concerns with your boss.


Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your progress. Focus on the present and what you can control.


It's a lot to handle, but remember that you don't have to solve everything at once. Take things one step at a time. Lean on the support systems you have, whether it's your mental health professional, understanding colleagues, or potential financial advisors. You've shown resilience by navigating a difficult period and landing this new job.

This post has been edited by coyouth: Apr 25 2025, 04:23 PM