Feb 22 2025, 11:09 PM
QUOTE(noobmaster_69 @ Feb 20 2025, 10:01 AM)
...
1. whenever she is sick or having issue or even just hungry, i will try to be there but she owes say no need. i feel a bit confuse that one side, you asked me to be there for you emotionally but when i try to be there, you said no need.
...
2. i am not good but i didnt treat her that bad. her definition of bad is i accidentally joke a bit about her, she will said i fierce her or scold her. if i heard sth surpringly, nomally we will react with higher tone, she will said why am i so fierce? i told her, im not fierce, just this thing is kinda shocking to me, i was like WHAT?????? this is her definition of bad to her.
3. although im angry at her some times, i dont really thought of break up, to me i will try to accept her lackings. but when she broke up with me, i feel she didnt give me a chance to explain or a chance to rectify my lackings... im not having third party or scold her badly or hit her, etc... just that when u r angry, definitely the tone will be higher but not to the extend shout at her.
Sorry to hear that she badmouthed you, that makes the post breakup even more sour than it should be. If you find your workplace too toxic with her around then consider changing job to leave that toxicity behind. That said, it's also a good lesson for you not to shit where you eat next time.1. whenever she is sick or having issue or even just hungry, i will try to be there but she owes say no need. i feel a bit confuse that one side, you asked me to be there for you emotionally but when i try to be there, you said no need.
...
2. i am not good but i didnt treat her that bad. her definition of bad is i accidentally joke a bit about her, she will said i fierce her or scold her. if i heard sth surpringly, nomally we will react with higher tone, she will said why am i so fierce? i told her, im not fierce, just this thing is kinda shocking to me, i was like WHAT?????? this is her definition of bad to her.
3. although im angry at her some times, i dont really thought of break up, to me i will try to accept her lackings. but when she broke up with me, i feel she didnt give me a chance to explain or a chance to rectify my lackings... im not having third party or scold her badly or hit her, etc... just that when u r angry, definitely the tone will be higher but not to the extend shout at her.
I think there are some takeaways to her points:
1. Support
Asian culture as I know it has a bad habit of "holding back", and I think it's much more prevalent in women, hence the Chinese proverb "mouth yes, heart no". It's possible she didn't want to trouble you for coming all the way to care for her so she initially refuses, but secretly wished for you to insist and surprise her. I have heard some people who would say, "you should always hold back the first time one asks, and accept only when they ask a second time. If they don't ask twice then they weren't keen in the first place!"
Personally, I hold back too but my bf often insisted, and that made me happy. Otherwise, I also tell myself that it is not his fault if he doesn't insist because I'm the one who said so, so my disappointment is self inflicted. Everyone will have days they want their own time, days they want someone to pamper/care for them, so as a couple, it's a learning curve to understand when those days are.
2. Learn to argue
Misunderstanding your partner's emotion is common and that's where argument ensues... If you never argued about it before then something's wrong. If you argued before but didn't understand each other better after, then something's wrong too.
3. Talk
This is very closely related to 2, but yeah, problems should not be swept under the rug. Since she's the one who initiated the breakup, I think she had more she kept to herself. It's too late for you to understand what they were, but this can be a lesson for you to perhaps check in with your future partner in how "we" are doing so far, typically a private conversation e.g. while you 2 are driving somewhere.
Quote
0.0162sec
0.50
6 queries
GZIP Disabled