I have a random thought and want to ask for some advice or opinions.

I’m aware that men often don’t receive enough compliments.

As a woman, I do notice the fine qualities or good deeds some men do, but how can I compliment them without giving the wrong impression?

It’s purely out of appreciation and acknowledgment, not romantic affection.

*

Some examples of compliments I give men:

"Your hairstyle looks great on you. It suits your face shape and body. Where did you get your hair cut?"

"You seem to be a responsible, hardworking, and kind man. I’m sure there are women who appreciate these qualities in you."

However, I’m not sure if there are better ways to word my compliments, or if the way I word them is already good enough. 🤔

*

Maybe you (men) could offer some input on the kinds of compliments you’d like to hear from women.

I think it could encourage female friends, or girlfriends/wives, to compliment men more.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jan 15 2025, 01:38 AM

might be relevant to you or...not

never ever say that...sounds like friendzoned

Never felt the need for any compliment.... men are different from women.

No need for compliment. If he did great he will know it himself if you go and compliment him that will lead to misunderstanding

This post has been edited by Captain89: Jan 5 2025, 11:54 PM

Compliment like how a dude would compliment, otherwise you'll be misunderstood as flirting. I know its sad, but its a social thing that you can't change as a single person. So just play the game as it is.

"Your hairstyle looks great on you. It suits your face shape and body. Where did you get your hair cut?"
Guy version: "Wah, finally got a gf? Suddenly look so good"

"You seem to be a responsible, hardworking, and kind man. I’m sure there are women who appreciate these qualities in you."
This is actually a backhanded compliment. When you say "there are women who would appreciate in you", you're also saying you don't. Which is an indirect rejection or a soft put-down.

I myself as a dude have not gotten many compliments. Some of the ones I get are my eyes; but the one that has gotten me through some hard times is "you'll be a good dad". Was said to me by my female bestie during our early 20s.

haha... depends on the context la

Say, if the guy is complaining about why he can't find a gf and feeling frustrated, then my compliment should give him some reassurance? (Just to make him feel better although I'm not the one who likes him as I don't feel we're compatible.)

Yeah, that's the thing. It's so hard to compliment men without getting misunderstood -- especially if you're a single lady.

That's why I usually just use emojis or stickers on FB and WA and some short phrases like "Good job!" "Well-done!" (if I'm not close to the guy I'm complimenting), although deep down I would like to write longer about his excellent traits or deeds to sincerely encourage or reaffirm. Haih.

*

From a woman's POV, if I say "Wah, finally got a gf? Suddenly look so good", it might feel awkward if the guy doesn't actually have a gf yet. So, I'd rather not say it this way.

As for backhanded compliment, it depends on context, e.g. if the guy likes a girl but kena rejected, or if he laments that no girls like him, then I would say something along these lines.

I usually avoid saying "I appreciate these qualities in you"... later the guy likes me pulak.

*

Other compliments... how I structure them, is like:

Me: "Has anyone told you before your voice is deep and masculine? Sounds smooth and soothing to the ear."
Then the guy was like, "Really?" and he looked so happy with a broad smile.

Me: "Wah, you have broad shoulders. Quite muscular. Do you work out often?"
Then the guy felt happy and said yes, he did. Then he worked out more often. haha~

So far, I said these to some of my long-time male friends, and those words didn't cause any misunderstanding (I hope? because we ended the conversation then and there; no further pursuits from those men), so I assume they're fine.

But if I am meeting new guys, then I obviously won't say such things UNLESS I want to flirt with him. LOL



This post has been edited by Ralna: Jan 6 2025, 12:47 AM

Man don't need compliment.. it created confusion more...

Why not? Men deserve credit where it’s due.

Come to think of it, I suppose Asian men might be receiving fewer compliments compared to their Western counterparts, which could explain some of the confusion...?

What is the relationship like? friend , colleague ?

It also very depend on the receiver perception. . I do receive sometimes, but i know is just a compliment, but some of my friend might think it differently.

Add "bro" at the end.

Nice outfit, bro.
Nice cock, bro.

Sadly we also don't view those basic emoji/stickers/phrases as compliments. We consider it as just politeness. Won't have much impact on how we feel about what we do.


Won't be awkward, cause he'll catch on that you acknowledged his efforts in looking good. Whether got gf or not doesn't matter, guys don't think so deep in conversations. In fact he'll feel like now he looks good enough to get a gf


That's the problem lor haha

He will feel that all girls also think like you, which means no girl desires him. So in the end, did he feel complimented? or just put down?


These compliments sound good, and I think it works because there's an established friendship boundary already. Like you realised, if you said this to a guy you're not close with, it would have been taken the wrong way.

Nah, this is a worldwide problem for men.

To be honest that sounds very forceful 🤣 even men to men that are not close doesn’t to be called bro

This post has been edited by fearless_kiki: Jan 6 2025, 01:09 PM

- Thanks for your explanation. Helps a lot. ^^

- Ya, that's the thing. I feel the emoji + short phrases don't convey what I actually want to say. That's why I'm figuring out how to go about it by asking for advice/opinions here.

- I suppose it's better to focus on "you", instead of using "I" or mentioning other women, since it might trigger overthinking in men. Among women, we always comfort each other saying "I’m sure there are men who appreciate these qualities in you", but I guess it's not appropriate if women say the same to men ("I’m sure there are women who appreciate these qualities in you.")-- probably makes them feel friendzoned hor. Gender differences.

- Quite sad lor to see men don't get enough compliments. For me (maybe because of my profession in education/higher edu + my personality), I always praise my students and encourage them a lot, so in my own personal interactions, I tend to praise and acknowledge efforts from my friends and family too. It's just something natural for me to do, and not being able to give sincere compliments to deserving men is a bit unfair for them.

*

How about these suggestions from ChatGPT?

For fitness or workout photos:
"That’s impressive progress. Consistency really shows."
"Great work on your fitness goals. Looks like all the effort is paying off."
"Your dedication to fitness is really inspiring! You've clearly put in a lot of work, and it shows."

For good deeds or actions:
"Nice job handling that. It’s great to see you take initiative."
"That’s a solid effort. It’s always good to see people stepping up."
"That's really admirable, how you handled that situation. You have a strong sense of responsibility and care."

For general qualities or achievements:
"Such a strong work ethic. Dedication really stands out."
"You’ve got a good work ethic. It’s clear you’re dedicated."
"Your work ethic is impressive. It's clear you're someone who takes pride in what you do."

plus an emoji ( or or )... like this?

Good enough kah?

Actually there’s no need to have any difference for platonic male or female relationships when it comes to giving compliments. Especially the male breed doesn’t think too much like females do. Just be sincere about your compliments? It shows. No need the extra extra remarks. Anything extra will sound fake and people could sense that. If you would like to elaborate, you may elaborate generally.

Eg: you raised your daughter well. She’s very responsible of her younger siblings.

Eg: you look better with the new hairstyle compared to the previous one. You look more vibrant, energetic. Hairstyles really can change a person’s image

I agree with the others about the bold statement that it sounds like a backhanded compliment. Also what is the reason of this statement?

- Yeah, but I tend to personalise my compliments instead of being general and neutral, if I am to be genuine with heartfelt sincerity. This is when I am more conscious of giving the wrong impression.

- Already explained earlier to Silverhawk: "As for backhanded compliment, it depends on context, e.g. if the guy likes a girl but kena rejected, or if he laments that no girls like him, then I would say something along these lines."

I don't suddenly drop those lines to a guy. More like compliment + some words of comfort when he's frustrated that women keep rejecting him. If it's not comfortable for him, then what should I say? "Just keep looking and you'll meet the girl who appreciates you"? (Maybe this sounds more positive 🤔)

Hmm, I've never thought about it that way (I vs You), but does seem you're right.

When you target the compliment as a "you" then its an acknowledgement of the result of his efforts. It has built him up to be better. So the content of the compliment matters, unlike for women the actual content of the compliment is less important, but its the emotional/social support that is the priority. Hence when women compliment/support, it comes from an "I" perspective.


Emojis are not necessary imo, but these suggestions are in the right ballpark. Some are a little greeting card like.

Yeah, I'll go with "you" compliments now for men and see if it works well in expressing what I want to say.

Thanks for your valuable input. Helped me think further. ^^

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/14rMEk5bE3/

Sorry can't get the embed to work. But I think this is one of the best explainer videos why men cheat. Relevant to this conversation.

This post has been edited by Sihambodoh: Jan 7 2025, 12:36 AM

Its very depend.

I prefer action more that word.

Honestly just drink and say stupid things to move away from the topic. Men hate pity words... make him sounds weak or even more insecure. If he goes do you like me then, what will you do? Its just a mess.

3 issues present.

(1)Single female complimenting male vs (2)gf/wife complimenting male should be 2 separate issues. (3)The blushing part is another issue.

The gf/wife to compliment other men (not their bf/husband), this part sound like a disaster in the making but it is not something that is within the bf/husband's control. If one day the gf/wife notices something wrong with their relationship because they are complimenting other men, just revisit this parameter. I could be wrong or right but my intuition is telling me, I'll be 100% right for most cases.

1)Single female complimenting the male:

Was it purely due the way/words of complimenting, that leads to the misunderstanding or it could be something else ? Would you be able to eliminate the other possibilities and arrive at the point? If you can't, then why focus on way/words of compliment?

What about the sample of the men that have misunderstood the compliment before? What were their characteristics ?

I rather believe it should not be the first time, not 2nd times, more likely multiple times. Whenever the undesired outcomes took place, there is tendency to adjust the input parameters and expect the change to the outputs. If the inputs keep changing but the output remained the same, the reason could be point to the constant parameter, not the variable parameters. The constant parameter, you need to find it out yourself.

If I were female, I'll not give any room for misunderstanding. Don't compliment, you will totally eliminate the possible trouble. There are other way to spread the kindness & uplift man without having to be directly doing it.

Just an example how to spread kindness indirectly based on what I can recalled. An individual (said the mother / wife / gf), visiting the prayer house / temple for offering/prayer earlier in the morning. The prayer house / temple 's keeper is someone who know the family in person. Later when the son / husband / bf come to prayer, the prayer house / temple keeper can verbally tell the son/husband/bf "Your mother / wife / gf was here this morning, she praying for you". Uplifting ppl can be carried out indirectly just like the act by the prayer house / temple's keeper.

Another alternative, if the single female still want to compliment the male directly and cannot find way to do it indirectly. Stop when you notice there is fluctuation of emotion (provided you can sense/feel the emotional fluctuation). The fluctuation of emotion is the sign of the trouble being born.

2)If the gf / wife is complimenting their bf / husband:

When you are spending the time together, secretly take some photos of your bf/husband without them noticing. In near future, when you notice your bf/ husband are in stress or demotivated mode but you can't be there or you don't know what is in their mind and you don't know what to say, just post their photo that you secretly took on your FB / Instagram stories & tag them. This simple action without having put/say any word has multifold positive effects. It implies you are cheering for them silently in a very genuine way. Some ppl is fully aware, it is just too hard to put the words/ say something hence use the visual as the substitute to represent words. "A picture is worth a thousand words".

This one strictly for those in relationship within their relationship.

3)The male blushing when being complimented

For the majority cases, ppl can generalize blushing reaction implies that the individual is attracted to you physically but do not eliminate the possibility that you could be dealing with hyper shy individual, who can blush (almost everything) even among the same gender or with the elderly ppl. If such individual can blushes among same gender or with the elderly ppl, you cannot use the same reason & conclude that, this individual attracted to the same gender or the elderly ppl - no, they don't. Such individual can blush as long as they are caught in surprise/unprepared scenario. Such ppl exists among us in the society, just you have yet to have chance to meet one it doesn't they don't exist. Both female and male version exists.

This post has been edited by nihility: Jan 7 2025, 05:53 PM

For me i got no complaints nor I feel awkward when I get compliment.. Rule of thumb I always say thank you.

But it ll make my day since I'm very straight forward person wahaha

Usually, I just let the guy talk and acknowledge his feelings. I find that ending with a bit of encouragement works best. I’m aware that men have their pride, so I tend not to say too much and simply offer a listening ear.

Just as women don’t like men to 'fix' their problems, I believe men also don’t need women to fix theirs. Sometimes, they just want someone who will listen without judgment. My role is just to be there and reaffirm as needed.

Thanks for your detailed breakdown. You've really thought things through and raised some valid points.

After reflecting on your insights, I think the relationship dynamics between women and men largely influence whether compliments are misunderstood or not. Other factors such as timing, setting, the choice of words, and individual personalities also play a big role.

For example,

1) Relationship dynamics: If a single woman compliments a single man with no romantic interest between them, it’s more likely to be seen as friendly. But if one party has romantic feelings, even a neutral compliment could be interpreted as attraction.

2) Timing: A compliment given during a vulnerable moment, like after a breakup, might be taken more seriously, with the man thinking it’s a sign of comfort or interest. However, the same compliment in a casual setting would likely come across as simple friendliness.

3) Setting: Compliments in private may feel more intimate, while those given in a public space seem lighter and more casual.

4) Choice of words: If a woman says, “You look great today,” there could be a risk of it being misinterpreted if there’s romantic tension. But something like, “You did a great job on that presentation,” focuses on his skills, reducing the chance of it being taken as anything more.

5) Personality: A shy or reserved person might overthink a compliment, reading into it more deeply, whereas someone more confident might take it at face value.

Of course there are other factors as well, but I think these 5 should be good enough for women to consider how to structure their compliments for men.

I think it goes both ways too—how men should compliment women without being misunderstood.

Men are simple creatures

The following compliments are perhaps more suited towards women.

"Your hairstyle looks great on you. It suits your face shape and body. Where did you get your hair cut?"

"You seem to be a responsible, hardworking, and kind man. I’m sure there are women who appreciate these qualities in you."

To compliment men without flirting, just say something simple.

""Your hairstyle looks good"

"You are a responsible and hardworking man"

I think it goes both ways too —how men should compliment women without being misunderstood.

Oh, a reverse position thinking. Points noted - thank you for the lesson.

If the men are aware that they are able to create such misunderstanding, I rather believe men will abuse it to the maximum scale. If they are not abusing it, then it could be the genuine error.



5) Personality: A shy or reserved person might overthink a compliment, reading into it more deeply, whereas someone more confident might take it at face value.

Fortunately is it a "might" word selection. Then we should just let it be "might" be overthinking, etc. This view, I do not want to distort it with my point of view. Just let shy or reserved person being stereotyped as such. There is beauty in being misunderstood, not everything need to be made to be understood. If all the things can be understood, then the one doing psychology study must be very boring, by reading the past records only, leave them some hard task to explore.

This post has been edited by nihility: Jan 8 2025, 02:54 PM

Just general observation at schools, universities, workplaces, friendships, social media... usually women tend to give more compliments than men.

There were also some research papers done on the gender differences in giving and receiving compliments, but mostly from early/late 2000s, with cultures and nationalities being factored into consideration.

Yeah, it depends on how frequently the shy person receives compliments. If it's a rare occasion, then he/she might overthink. Every person has his/her own unique experiences with receiving compliments, so it's hard to say who would overthink or who wouldn't.

Nonetheless, I still think it's good to give compliments thoughtfully.



This post has been edited by Ralna: Jan 8 2025, 04:19 PM

Ultimately there’s no one way or template to compliment a person as the relationship between you and the other party would be different (bf, love interest, colleague, long time friend, family). And human are so unique and complex and ChatGPT won’t be able to cover all. (Would advise TS to not too obsess of using AI) As a general rule just no back handed compliment or sarcasm then it should be fine. As for how the person will perceive, it really is up to them and you overthinking it won’t change a thing.

As for your friend not able to get any girls does not need any pity words. He definitely knows what he’s good at and that’s not the issue at all. The problem with him are the qualities that he lacks of (might be rude personality, stingy, degrade women or even talk very awkward… that turn people off). Sides of him that you might not know of him due not close enough to know… or it’s something you know but not willing to tell him due to not wanting to ruin the friendship.

Retraced 🙏. Life is simple, let discussion ended in simpler way.

This post has been edited by nihility: Jan 9 2025, 05:03 AM

ehhh your analysis was thought-provoking leh. I had been thinking what to reply.

You definitely have depth and intellect. Always enjoy reading your perspectives. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about the topic.

If a thought is doing more harm than good, then it is better for the thought not to come to surface. This world needs more kind & innocent souls to spread the kindness. My earlier thoughts could have counter effect on spreading the act of kindness. Hence, it would be better for it to be removed from the public.

My apologies 🙏 again.

if the man does not usually receive compliments will be very happy & think maybe i got a chance with this girl.
vice versa, just normal only. no feeling.

but in general, just a simple good job, nice shirt or nice haircut is good enough.

Wow! I'm impressed. You're really humble and self-aware with metacognition.

Your kindness is a plus point. It's one of the qualities that women appreciate.

I think I know what's my "problem" now.

I'm quite visual and attracted to men who are muscular, dress well with cool hairstyle. When this happens, my compliment becomes more detailed and descriptive and may sound flirty to the guy, although my intention isn't to be in a relationship to him. It's just purely admiring his body shape, physical appearance, and fashion style from aesthetic POV.

& yes, those guys did feel super flattered, and then they would always dress well and work out more. haha~

🙏 TQ.

I'm more expressive than selective. If a person (man or woman) deserves a compliment, I'd say it.

Not really complaining though. If a guy overthinks and develops feelings for me, it's actually a "good problem" to have. I don't mind having more admirers. Lol.

A different way of doing thing from the different individual. In the end, you actually enjoys being misunderstood

"Good problem", I like this concept.....unimaginable the ideas in my head (better to remain in my head only, lol ).

Then, wish you enjoy your days getting more "good problem".

I have an authentic and relaxed approach to life. When I give compliments, I express what I think and feel sincerely, naturally, and openly.

But if a guy overthinks (due to whatever reasons), it's not something I can control.

I can try to reduce misunderstanding (with the 5 discussed factors considered), but if he still develops feelings, then perhaps it's something he can explore further with me.

Although, in the end, I might or might not develop feelings for the guy, it's still a "good problem" to have because I have stayed true to myself, my feelings and thoughts by speaking out my mind and heart where compliments are due.

The ratio of making someone happy vs being misunderstood is about 9:1. The low probability of being misunderstood is manageable for me, although it's best if it's totally 0.

But being human, misunderstanding is part of life. Even if it's not caused by compliments, there will be other causes of misunderstanding as well. What's meant to happen can't be avoided.

From the different branch of thought, yet you are able to arrive to such point. I got no further input, hence I'll be excusing myself from here. TQ 🙏

Hahaha... well, I have an explanation for that. Generally, men are box thinkers, while women are wire thinkers.


Hehe 😁

If you are referring to the majority male, I do not have comment for that. I cannot represent the other. I can only represent myself and it is slightly different. I see the repeated patterns in almost anything, the nature has it own ways to send the "hidden message". The pattern being observed in an aspect can be utilized / exploited in the other aspect of life. Hence, the box thinker may not correctly define it. It is mirroring all over places.

2ndly, your bravery to dish out the compliments knowing that there is possibility of being misunderstand is admirable quality. How people react or non-react, it doesn't matter. The most important, you yourself being happy doing what makes yourself feeling at ease. Don't focus too much on other ppl opinion.

Thing that was inside my mind last week, based on the theme of "good problem" :-

If it’s a "good problem", then why bother explaining?
If we can accept it is part & parcel of life, then why still worry?
If the misunderstanding causes no harm, then why bother to intervene?
If the other person's mind is not within one's control, then why bother to guess?

Perhaps it is the inner voice of someone? Has he/she become the "good problem" himself/herself?
Ahh…doesn’t it sound like a new "good problem" at the opposing view when the guessing starts?
A repeated cycle of trapped minds in the "good problem" now restarts over,
It doesn't look like the wrongly used words selection; it was done correctly.
If the reader wants to misunderstand, then what might I have to stop them?

But being human, misunderstanding is part of life,
Even if it's not caused by compliments, there will be other causes of misunderstanding as well,
What's meant to happen can't be avoided,
Hence, why not just appreciate the beauty of being misunderstood in silence?

~

Just read it in the context as an art work. Have a good day ahead.

If you look back, my initial thought was about not wanting guys to mistake compliments for romantic interest.

I believe that giving compliments shouldn't automatically be seen as a signal of romantic affection from the opposite sex.

However, if guys misinterpret my intention and pursue me or confess their feelings, then it presents a situation ("good problem") I need to navigate.

Personally, I feel uncomfortable when I have to reject someone or when I can't reciprocate their feelings. This is the part that bothers me, not the act of giving compliments.

I genuinely don’t think there's anything wrong with offering compliments—they’re just a kind and genuine gesture.

Two separate but related matters here.

Essentially, it’s a cause-and-effect situation. Just because we can't control the effects doesn't mean we should eliminate the good cause, or don't do anything to reduce the unwanted effects.

Doesn't sound like depression. Still kicking alive mind.

I saw someone doing act of kindness with a new mask in other thread. Fabricated lie for good. haha

Reject or act nonchalant - problem solve. Overthinking is the issue.

True story. Got over it already years ago. That's why getting more admirers; resilience + radiance.

As to why I’ve become more self-aware or uncomfortable with rejecting someone or being unable to reciprocate, it’s because I’ve recently delved deeper into the concept of karma in relationships. This touches on the spiritual and philosophical side of things.

I have questions like:

> If a guy likes me and I break his heart, will this create bad karma for me?
> Will hurting someone who loves me affect my own chances of finding love?
> Could rejecting someone create negative energy that comes back to me?
> Does breaking someone's heart mean I’ll experience similar pain in the future?
> Am I creating unresolved karma that might come back in another form?

These thoughts make me more cautious about how I engage in current/future relationships.

The "overthinking" happens because of multiple incidents with several men in my life. Long story. I think I have unresolved karma and energetic entanglements with them. I'm not a Buddhist, but all the odd things that have been happening made me explore the concept further.

> If a guy likes me and I break his heart, will this create bad karma for me?
> Will hurting someone who loves me affect my own chances of finding love?
> Could rejecting someone create negative energy that comes back to me?
> Does breaking someone's heart mean I’ll experience similar pain in the future?
> Am I creating unresolved karma that might come back in another form?

Logical real-life observation (few cases) from my angle - it won't. Not everything can explain using karma. If really karma can be used in wide range of aspects, then if got 100 ppl showing interest, 100 karmas are created unwillingly? Life must be very inconvenient to worry about the 100 unwanted karma. If the ill intention is present, then yes, be wary of it.

Just look at the ppl who rejected other ppl without the ill intention, do they really experience such bad karma on such rejection? Those ppl are still blessed because they are not the originator of the desires. The one without the desire, what harm can come to them?

The Buddhist's philosophical side, let the other Buddhist participant to give their view.

You're on a bad path

Its ok to be considerate, but at the same time you can't think too much about not hurting/offending people. If you do so, you end up walking on egg shells or at best just come off as insincere. Your true self gets suppressed and in turn you signal/attract the wrong people. Then you'll get even more cautious and a nasty downward spiral forms.

Be true to yourself, even if ends up hurting other people. As long as you come from a place of truth and honesty, your conscience will be clear.

Thanks for raising these important points about intention behind rejection. I've been thinking about it and examining my conscience... and I think I didn't do anything bad to those guys nor give any false hopes.

I suppose I was just feeling bad that some guys were unable to move on (but again, it was their personal choices?), while some guys could move on, get married and have kids (and I felt happy for them).

Being overly considerate is my 'INFJ weakness'. I got lectured a few times by ex and former coach for not being 'selfish' enough. They both wanted me to learn to prioritise myself, and don't think so much about other people.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Jan 16 2025, 11:23 PM

This one for paktor couple la

"Your hairstyle looks great on you. It suits your face shape and body. Where did you get your hair cut?"
"You seem to be a responsible, hardworking, and kind man. I’m sure there are women who appreciate these qualities in you."

These 2 lines probably a no no
lesser words are better for norm fren fren type
Talk too much would feel like flirting...
These sentences comes with twisting words. nope

Great
Good job
Thanks

good enough

This post has been edited by taitianhin: Jan 16 2025, 11:30 PM

It's about how you deliver the message and maturity level of the guys on receiving end. The older the guy, shorter the message should be. Men are simple.

Example: Good job.

This post has been edited by Chisinlouz: Jan 20 2025, 10:17 PM