OK my question here is very simple.

Part A - Would you date someone who is fundamentally opposite than you? Like if you are not a gym rat but she is. Or if you are a travelling person but she doesn't like to go around.

Part B - If you would date that person, how would you solve that fundamental difference? Would you try to include the person in your world or you two go off doing separate things sometimes and do some things together?

If totally opposite, ask why u like her at 1st place?

If lust, please do not harm the girl
If girl character, focus on similarities instead of differences

Carina Lau and Tony Leong is a solid example.
Their relationship span thru a few decades.

It's not the external differences.

Opposite attracts. If they truly love each other they will try to fit in. I can say from my experience

A) Gym and travelling are not fundamentals in my book so the question is void, or at least in your context, yes I would. Everyone is unique so you're bound to have differences with someone. What I deem fundamental and would not yield are matters like...
- wanting kids or not
- interactions with friends and family, or even the society in general
- compatibility in faith/religion (doesn't have to be same but at least not preaching/forcing on another)
Or as Chinese calls it, 三观

B) in your context, I think the last one is the correct answer. You should strive to do something together every now and then, because that fosters the relationship. Frequency all that depends on the couple. Not everything needs to be same because at the end of the day, you are still two separate beings; you each have your own life -- if you're happy to try/join your partner, by all means do, but do not ever lose sight of yourself in attempt to 100% comply to your other one. It sounds miserable.

Taking myself as example:
- we both love travelling, especially to Japan
- he plays FPS/single RPG, I play RTS/MMORPG
I tried playing his game and I sucked and didn't like it. He tried playing FFXIV with me and quit before even leaving the main city. We went to Japan this year and loved it despite some quarrels (also because of our differences in perspective/priorities).

This i believe. However, I have people around me saying that what I mentioned above are considered fundamental because their basic belief systems are different.

To the ppl who told me this, they mentioned that a gym rat would probably mean the person is very particular about their own outlooks and there are high chances wouldn't compromise with someone who isn't taking care of their own outlook.

As for stay at home people vs traveling kakis, I feel the energy may not match with one another. That's a fundamental to me as I am a person who likes going around and I have been with ppl who literally miss home the moment we out, not a good thing.

So I recently met this new girl. Despite her only slightly above average looks, I really admire the way she talks. But our fundamental differences is so huge, my brain tells me it's better if we just stay friends despite my heart wanting more.

Religion - She's a muslim. While I'm a muslim on paper, I'm actually a closeted atheist. A future with her means I'd have to pretend being a good muslim 24/7.

Kids - I don't want kids, she does. Even if I compromise and agree to have just 1 kid with her, I can't stand seeing my kid raised in a religion that I don't believe in.

Personality - I'm a pacifist, so I prefer a gentle partner. She on the other hand, is very assertive and outspoken. I'm afraid she gonna talk over me too much.

Financial - She has a good career prospect, so I prefer both of us to contribute financially to the relationship. Maybe not 50:50, even a 70:30 split would do. She wants all the efforts to come from her partner.

So yeah, I won't even bother to pursue her. Logic over heart.

This post has been edited by RocketPiki: Oct 29 2024, 11:11 AM