I had this "debate" with my best friend many years ago. It initially started around the topic of sex before marriage and its evolved into arranged marriages and such.

As a christian he was of course on the side that sex should be reserved for marriage, and that time my argument was along the lines of you have to try and know each other first before making the commitment.

He understood my point, but also emphasized that in a relationship the commitment to commitment is actually more important. Then he brought up how arranged marriages do work if the couple and their social circle helps enforce it.

After all, you change in marriage and you may not become compatible in 10 years when you are compatible now. I strongly disagreed at that time, but now that I'm older, married and with kids, I've come around to his perspective.

That said, there are many pre-requisites for it to work. The partners typically need to be chosen and vetted by trusted members of the social circle and they all have to be invested in the relationship to make sure it works. Holding the partners accountabie to each other.

Generally if the couple are good people, I don't see why a marriage couldn't work out and romantic love blossom. If anything, it has been the natural way for most of human history

If that's the type of men/relationship that you're looking at getting into marriage and then blossoming into romance, its not going to happen.

That type of man isn't really looking for a wife; or more specifically, he's not looking to be a husband. That is an important criteria you should be looking at.

What typically happens is the man and woman do their husband of wifely duties in their social circle, but there's no love/passion. Then either side will end up getting that passion met outside the marriage.

Passion can be reignited, so its typically better that its been there before.

People cheat, get divorced etc. because couples are no longer willing to put the work in. We live in a culture now of instant gratification and selfishness. Its about my needs, my happiness, me, me, me. Yes those things are important, but it should all be in service to a higher goal/purpose.

Ultimately, it boils down to whether the couple wants it to work or not. In your initial example of men who want to get married for pragmatic reasons, the onset is already wrong as they are still seeing things from their individual perspective and not becoming together as a single entity.

If viewed at a glance, then that is what it seems. However if you investigate more closely you'll realise its all just different layers of adjustments.

Ultimately, having to "know" before you commit actually comes from putting the focus in the wrong place. Not knowing about sexual compatibility, can also be used to be said with emotional compatibility, intellectual compatibility, value compatibility, etc. etc. All of which, is also subject to change in the duration of marriage.

So how do you navigate the changes? Divorce? Of course not, you try to work it out. So what's the difference if it wasn't there in the first place and you learnt to work it out from day 1? Psychologically you could make the case that its actually better, as you start the relationship with the expectation that you need to work things out, rather than follow the flow of happy feelings.

Of course the world isn't so black and white, so there's plenty of gray area in between. Not to say dating is invalid, but many people now date for the sake of dating, rather than date with marriage in mind.

Most men who come up with such ideas, just want a wife for the following reasons
- social/familiar obligations
- back up sex
- status (pretty waifu boosts a man)
- disguise (some are gay and want to hide it)

Basically, he's looking at the woman to check certain boxes in his life, but he's not really thinking about how he would contribute to hers (beyond the surface expectations) and how both life vision fits together. He's not thinking that one day he might to clean her puke/shit if she's really ill, and be by her side. He would think its a waste of time and its good enough if he puts her in a good hospital with 24/7 support.

Some women are fine with that sort of lifestyle, and they end up getting their other needs met outside the marriage. I don't think that's the sort of relationship you're looking for.

The whole cry in ferarri than laugh on a bicycle mentality

Yes, though its often not an honest open-marriage. The woman typically understands that the male will f`k around, but the woman will not be allowed to do the same. So if the woman plays, its in secret.

I actually know someone who's the 3rd party to such a relationship. The couple isn't married yet, but its pretty much the scenario you describe. They got together cause for pragmatic reasons, the girl plays the role of wife even though not married, very supportive and basically does all the female wife duties managing the familial relationships and household stuff while he focuses on his career. He does his duty for her, but no chemistry and spark, which he finds in the person I know. However when he found out his gf was just being friendly with other dudes, he got jealous af

Relying chatGPT a lot lately?

Don't rely on it too much, the information it gives you is not really based on truth, just likely probabilities of what looks right.

Frankly to me, there's no difference between pragmatic and convenience, they're both done for the same reason. Pragmatism is simply convenience in a suit.

Open marriage is certainly something you can discuss before marriage, but that kind of defeats the purpose of marriage right? generally most men will be against it as well.

So basically you're the succubus who's come to tempt the pure pious man

In the MBTI you also have scales for each quadrant, you could be really strong in Introversion or just slightly more in another aspect. Time and age will also skew your results, so if you re-take the tests again and compare with your younger self, don't be surprised to see some aspects shift.

For myself, my Introversion went from really strong to somewhat 55-45 as I got older. Which means on some MBTI tests, I will score as an extrovert instead of an introvert

You really should try taking the Big5 test instead, its more scientifically accurate.