Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+

Serious Are You Open to Marriage First, Romance Later?, Asking men

views
     
Takudan
post Oct 23 2024, 06:04 PM

Regular
******
Senior Member
1,056 posts

Joined: Jun 2011
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia


Not a man but my 2 cents...
Short answer: NO.
Long answer: to me, marriage is to legally bind, or "officiate" 2 individuals together. If you need marriage to commit to a relationship then you probably shouldn't marry in the first place.
Divorce involves legal proceedings, meaning you waste more time and money compared to a bf/gf breakup. So I'd imagine it's easier to stay married + stay committed. But that's exactly why I think you shouldn't marry first to foster the commitment; if you can be loyal and committed before adding the legal binding, then your loyalty and commitment will increase after marriage. In reality however, people get complacent instead and that's how marriage dies.

I'd suggest studying the legal aspects of marriage first to decide how you want to treat marriage. This thread talked about it a bit:
QUOTE(Takudan @ Apr 4 2024, 06:36 PM)
If you're employee of MNC or any company that provides insurance in your remuneration package, then you'll find that your immediate family is automatically covered by the insurance. AFAIK you need to be legally married to allow your partner to enjoy that.

Beside that, tax filing can be done individually or with spouse. If your partner is not working or has less income, I guess you can combine to lower the tax brackets?

Note: I'm speaking entirely from own research, I'm not legally married.
*
Takudan
post Oct 24 2024, 12:33 AM

Regular
******
Senior Member
1,056 posts

Joined: Jun 2011
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia


QUOTE(Ralna @ Oct 23 2024, 07:31 PM)
The reason was they didn't like to waste resources (time, money, energy) on romance, and they preferred going straight for marriage + having children, with duties for both the husband and the wife fully spelled out and agreed by both parties.

It's also partly to protect themselves from emotional hurts and losses from break ups. 

Those men usually were kinda jaded already and fully focused on their career/business, so they just needed a qualified woman to get married to and fulfill the marital/parental duties + meet their family expectations.
*
Eh are we living in the same planet? I hear the complete opposite when it comes to men's self protection -- they choose to avoid marriage because a divorce would mean their wealth siphoned by their ex spouse, citing Bill Gate's case.

Feels to me the men you described just want a nanny+maid+prostitute packaged as wife. I still stand by my point: marriage is to reinforce a functional, committed relationship by the means of law.

Married or not,
- both can commit to each other
- both can build/destroy each other
- both can cheat on each other
- both can hurt each other
Takudan
post Oct 24 2024, 11:20 PM

Regular
******
Senior Member
1,056 posts

Joined: Jun 2011
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia


QUOTE(Ralna @ Oct 24 2024, 10:02 PM)
I see... so I guess the open marriage arrangement isn't something that can be discuss before such marriage?
*
Why not? Human is live 人是生动的,as my mom liked to say it when I was young and stupid (inflexible). We're made of many spectrums, not binaries. There's never an absolute yes/no, and me saying this way is in fact an oxymoron because I just made an "absolute" statement.

Problem is, rules and agreement can be broken... People sometimes give in to impulses. People constantly change for the better or worse, what works now may not be the same later.

Now I read your posts about pragmatic marriage, it strongly reminds me of "The Full-time Wife Escapist" Japanese drama/manga, where the male and female protagonist enter a contractual marriage where the woman works as a full time housewife and gets paid monthly (including expenses claim, overtime etc like a proper office employee). Shame ChatGPT didn't introduce you that... I think you're looking for this kind of arrangement?

...which, there's also hit and miss like how you sometimes have a good or bad boss at work lol.

At the end of the day, no matter it's arranged/pragmatic/contractual/transactional/romantic/whatchamacallit marriage, it takes two committed reasonable adults to make it work.
Takudan
post Oct 25 2024, 12:19 AM

Regular
******
Senior Member
1,056 posts

Joined: Jun 2011
From: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia


QUOTE(Ralna @ Oct 24 2024, 11:44 PM)
1) Not all couples can comfortably discuss open marriage without getting hurt or offended. Hence, some men or women would rather do it secretly.

2) I never said I was looking for such arrangement. I'm merely curious in exploring unconventional perspectives, as I always do.

3) Agreed. How it starts vs how it ends... the ending is more important.
*
Ah sorry, I don't mean looking to engage into. It felt to me you were looking for a case to validate a pragmatic marriage arrangement, which I thought the jdrama depicted it quite accurately - problems occur as the couple navigate through the formal arrangement and they both make a lot of assumptions.

In reality, I'm sure it already works for some couples... E.g. men buying Viet/Thai/xxxx wife?

BUT, I've never heard of a non monetary "pragmatic" arrangement though, cuz that would mean you need two individuals with equal financial statuses... What would you seek to get from the other party through marriage then? Personally, I can only think of things that require a marriage certificate to benefit, such as seeking to maximise insurance coverage at work via spousal coverage, optimise tax filing and relief. Everything else, you don't need to marry...

 

Change to:
| Lo-Fi Version
0.0177sec    0.40    6 queries    GZIP Disabled
Time is now: 5th December 2025 - 09:33 PM