I knew a women got into coaching line as well. Basically, she's alpha, positive, extroverted. My experience was it's hard and not for every guy out there.

She wanted what an alpha male could do in life achievement but also a beta male behavior to submit and listen to her. Also, to accept the attention she got from guys around.

God bless her..

The age-gap topic, personally I'm against it also because 2 pairs from different phases of life, how to journey till old together?

Imagine if 1 would leave this world early, what will the other one be doing the rest of her life alone for the remaining of 10 years or 20 years ?
Imagine if one already retired & ready to go sight seeing , 1 still at the prime age of the corporate world.
Imagine if one already getting old & weak & 1 still strong but have to be tied back to look after the old & weak.

It is not practical if you is someone who believes in growing old together. Perhaps nowadays modern society don't bother about this concept anymore but we still teaches our younger generation to choose similar age or +- 1~3 years age gap life partner as we wants our younger generation to grow old together with their life partner.

*

The issue of the jealously, this issue will still happens in the future coz the fate gives you this curse region attribute. Have you think of the way to deal with it in future ? Your future life partner (maybe ex or new) will be subjected to similar mental test. If you cannot figure out this, you may be trapped at the same obstacle of endless misunderstanding again. No wise male ( even alpha ) will want endless misunderstanding / trouble, their time need to be focused on more important life progress rather than wasting it to deal with relationship misunderstandings.

Nevertheless, wish you & your ex can find peace with each other soon.

Thanks for taking your time to analyse my situation and advise me. You're sharp in your thinking and questioning.

& Yes, you are right... everyone thinks I am better off with a young man so that I won't have to go through the pain from the age-gap relationship.

I know this long ago. I struggled with this countless times. Sometimes, I wish I could love him less, or he could love me less, then it'd be so much easier... I'm probably in some of the most complicated relationship ever; super long story spanning over 8 years, deeper and darker than 50 shades of grey. Not for the faint-hearted or simple-minded.

Whenever we quarreled in the relationship, I tried breaking up several times, but he wouldn't let go. It makes him extremely unstable... and dangerous. He's some of the best marksmen around, so... yeah. His bottom-line is I cannot have sex with other men, or he will lose his sanity and...

I know he wasn't joking when he gave me that warning many years ago. Even now, after 8 years in the relationship, when I told him I had moved on and started seeing men for coffee and dinner (nothing sexual), he still couldn't take it and had a meltdown...

so... imagine if I did 'more' with any guys... hmm... better not. Too risky. I can't be in any committed/sexual relationship unless I am 100% certain he can totally let go and will never interfere.



He wants me to love and accompany him to the end of his life, and he is fine with me remarrying after he passes away. If I were more materialistic, I'd marry him for his money, served him well as a caretaker in his remaining years, probably produced one or two kids, and got inheritance after he passed away in a decade or two, and became a rich widow...

but I'm not a gold digger.

What's bothering me is his health issues right now. Sometimes I ask myself if I really wanna spend my prime years with him... but sometimes I feel I should spend his remaining years together because I don't want to have regrets. There's this constant tug-of-war in my mind for years now, especially when there isn't any support from family and friends. It's difficult. I am afraid of making the wrong decision, so I avoid or delay making decisions.

Maybe, it's better this way until someone breaks the equilibrium. I wait for God to tell me the answers on what I should do or who I should be with, or wait for the man to decide and act. I will just accept what life will bring to me. 以静制动，以不变应万变

*

& yes, you are right about me feeling cursed by fate sometimes. Perhaps, if I was born in ancient China, I would be a woman whom men would kill to be with. I'm not the most beautiful woman around, but definitely some of the most unusual one.

There's a saying that goes... 好看的皮囊千篇一律，有趣的灵魂万里挑一 (translation: Beautiful appearances are common, but interesting souls are one in a million.)

In Buddhism, perhaps, this is my karma, either from past lives or previous wrongdoings, that I have to bear with and resolve in this life. I admire women who could have simple lives with good husbands and lovely kids. It's really a blessing to be able to live with simplicity. Really, be grateful with what you have.

If I hide a huge part of myself to settle down with a simple guy, I can have the same 'blessing' too... In fact, I had many chances to do so, but this will make me a hypocrite who masks herself and suppresses herself a lot, and hides a lot from her simple husband. I think if I do so, my soul will die eventually despite being alive physically. I don't feel it's ethical to 'deceive' a good guy this way, too.

I need a man who can bring out the best in me, so that I can shine brightly at my fullest... like a polished, well-cut diamond with perfect facets that refracts exceptional brilliance and extraordinary fire... to be treasured and loved fully by the man who can cut me.

& only diamonds can cut diamonds... but... why would such a bling-bling man get involved with me...?

Unless... he's up for some challenges, like Super Mario trying to save the princess from the dragon. LOL.

... but I'm a 'dark grey' woman. I'm too hot and spicy to be an innocent princess who lives in a pink barbie world.

I accept myself, and I like myself the way I am. So, just take things as they come.

If a man wants me badly, he will get me 'badly'.



This post has been edited by Ralna: Sep 23 2024, 08:36 PM

TS, from the way the " mangkuk" guy initiated the "confession ", doesn't look like he wants a serious relationship.

Probably just something casual which means "boy friend with benefits ".

A guy who really respect a lady from the bottom of his heart, would make confession or admiration in ways a lady feel respected not cincai cincai.

A guy could be very accomplished in careers, but might be different stories when it comes to relationship n marriage.

If you start things all over again with your ex, from normal friends stage, and observe whether he indeed turned a new leaf, why not give a chance .

But if it's not, there are better and much deserving guys out there.

Only thing is, sometimes it might not 100% fulfilled the criteria, for example a really really deserving guy who's finally the one, could be in different locations.

So you see .

Ramjade i think this is a solid advice.

Sticking to goals and choosing a life of maximum efficiency is good and all, but sometime life is more colorful and worth living if you just let your hair down a bit and see where it takes you, the outcome might surprise you

Not related to relationship but i think its the same for FIRE financially. We should focus to enjoy the journey not just solely the destination.

This post has been edited by ChAOoz: Sep 23 2024, 09:40 PM

The risk & reward comes as a package. You are fully aware of the possible outcomes of the decision you are taking. Since it is by choice with self awareness, may you achieve what you wanted.

This post has been edited by nihility: Sep 23 2024, 11:24 PM

And lowering my standard? No thank you? I stick to my principles. Girls which don't fulfill what I want, I don't have time for them.

Part of FIRE is delayed gratification and sacrifice. If the girl cannot sacrifice together with me, no point I share the rewards with her.

What, she wait for me at the finish line? Sorry. Nope. I am looking for a girl that will go with me on the journey and not wait for me at the finish line.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Sep 24 2024, 12:03 AM

The simple fact is, you gonna love what you love, no matter how ex think about it.
If you still believe the ex is a toxic for you now or is a showstopper to your next. Just giv 0 communication.
If he love you deep down in his heart, he would let you go.
Unless, he dont, thats y he would me you feel guilty in many ways. including go insane without you

Truly a stoic. Cant argue with that logic.

Hope you find your special half soon, and in the process she bring some feminine softness to your life, so you can stop and smell the flower instead of going at life so hard all the time.

Been trying to find time to write the legendary essay but man TS is so active, hard for me to catch up

@TS, I'd advise you to break off with the ex because it almost sounded like an emotionally abusive relationship where he threatens self harm or the like. Since you're already broken, I see it as a golden opportunity to let you both heal with time.

....As for the new guy, I don't want to eat my own words below (for Ramjade) by saying he's hopeless... But MAN, he has ghosted you and said low-effort crude words far too much, I don't see any investment from his side to make yours worthwhile. If I'm you, then I'd look for equal investment at least, so I know the other party is invested to make something work. I'm saying this with the presumption that you already determined that he's a diamond in the rough i.e. a potential great life partner, whatever you parameters are.

That is a good question to a person in general, with the intention to understand their financial situation and the stories behind.

However, I think financial literacy is something you can learn/improve in time + a good mentor, so I personally would not take it as a deal-breaker unless someone tells me they're still at YOLO finance at 40+yo (you'd expect stable career/wealth usually), then I'd see that as a lack of responsibility/self control and that would be a red flag.

I'd suggest giving yourself and the women a chance to learn from each other, because not everyone has the opportunity and/or life experiences to be exposed to financial education or whatever other topics you're passionate about.

In fact ChAOoz summarised it nicely for me and I understood his statement differently. IMO, FIRE as a journey is not just the process of making your money number grow bigger via investments, but also the wisdom to manage it in many aspects -- back to what I said above, not everyone had the chance to take financial lessons yet for example, my lesson was when I got hit hard by life in my late 20s and I had people to teach me various things, including you here in this forum. The ladies you meet might just be a diamond in the rough, yet to be polished.

The main question is, how to determine that? Knowing one's potential is like reading the future, you may be wrong. Based on what you said so far, personally I would look for someone who aligns with my values when it comes to saving vs spending as that's your number 1. But personally...., my saving and spending values do not really align with my bf lol. He splurges on me/us but I'm always looking for discounts, rebates and calculating which one has more value. We argued on our overseas trip due to the differences in how we think we should spend, but we always reconciled before the end of day because we talked it out and I think we grew much closer since then. Do I wish he'd be better with money? Yes of course, he's blind to the price tag when with me so it's scary lol... But well, I can't help but to love his silly way of showing his love for me

That said, I think every couple is different and I'm not trying to rub on anyone -- I only give mine as example that others may or may not resonate to. How would you love and how would you like to be loved?

I take a lot of time to write them so I'm just lazier to post these days lol...

I guess it boils down to your personal sense of purpose in life. If you feel strongly towards the traditional "men as the head and breadwinner of his family", then surely you will want a woman to build a family and have the sense of being a protector. But if one finds purpose elsewhere that is less related to companionship, then it's no surprise that person would be fine staying alone... For example, I met a Japanese colleague who came to KL recently and he shared that his life goal/biggest hobby is to take scenic photos of retro trains. He has travelled to 40 countries so far and he owns a DSLR for his hobby, and sounds happy being single. I guess he probably also accepted the fact that his niche hobby isn't likely to attract a woman to go to random remote places in the middle of nowhere to wait for a train to pass through

Modern life allows for so much more variety in hobbies or personal projects. I think it's inevitable and just fine for the world to breed less and enjoy life, single or otherwise. Maaaan I have so many single friends, they've already given up on love and talking about becoming housemates and take care of each other, and tbh it sounds kinda fun too. But if I imagine myself in that position.... Yeah I'd feel a little lonely and empty, as I've grown to like bear hug by my bf now.

Takudan
It's true I tell ya. Most no retirement planning. Want to live current life. Enjoy life. I also want to enjoy life but I have priorities. Retirement/financial issue can wait. They said.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Sep 24 2024, 02:15 AM

Yeah, I know. mangkuk guy was upfront and did say that he didn't want anything serious at the moment, and I just played along with him... but he ran away... he initiated but FFK 5 times. haih. Cannot la like this. Potong stim. Makes me feel defeated if I don't take him down. LOL. The prey becomes the hunter now.

Btw, he gets so conflicted until he has to disappear from social media for several days, again. Really noob la.

As for my ex, the decision is as follows:

I'll need to observe ex again before I make any decision. He'll permanently reside in Selangor starting Oct 2024, which is actually our 8th anniversary month, so I wanna see what he does.

For now, I'm still single, semi-available and in my YOLO mode.

I wanna meet as many guysss as I can before I settle down. The last time I did so was 10 years ago, in my mid-twenties, when this lil jasmine flower had just started blooming fragrantly... attracted many fine young men.

and now I'm in my mid-thirties... more sensual and feminine like a rose... I attract a different and wider group of men. Will be fun to explore my options before I make a decision again. You know la, can't do anything much after getting married, so...

I know I will regret if I don't, so... just gotta give all parties (including myself) an equal chance and time.

Assuming that I eventually settle down with my ex (he does make a good father and has the resources to raise our kids), I think it's still good that I have fun for a while first before I become a wife/mom--- this will be another stage of life with lifelong commitments.

I guess this is the most balanced approach I could think of, for now. Remove time pressure, remove men's expectations, and just be myself, and enjoy life the way I should.

Chillax and YOLO. Only decide when it's time to.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Sep 24 2024, 04:48 AM

You should read this FB post: Japanese man spent 21 years saving frugally
Yeah, this Jap man is extremely frugal and saved a lot, but... go read what people comment about his lifestyle, and go read how he questioned his own decision after 21 years of FIRE.

If you really wanna retire early and be rich, go talk to a certified financial planner. Get a professional to map out your pathway to financial freedom for you. Currently, I feel you're overly brainwashed by FIRE and its community until you became imbalanced in your approach. Saving money is good, but anything extreme is bad.

& You sound like you have strong fear of poverty, which isn't good. Why? because money is energy. The more you want it, the more it doesn't want you. Money is attracted to people who have a mindset of abundance and generosity, not to people who have a mindset of poverty and stinginess.

Heard of the universal law of attraction? Yup, that's how things work. This is why men who have lost everything (read: no savings at all + in debt) but still be resilient and diligent can quickly make their wealth again. Look at this dude: Scammed Malaysian man cleared RM1 million debt in just 2 years

Writing these so that you can be more balanced in your approach under CFP guidance + have good energy again. You know that we all wish you well here, including TOS and Takudan.


Be a wise man. Be balanced. Be like water.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Sep 24 2024, 05:46 AM

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut. I already have my map. Like I said, girl will ask me you save so much for what? I fired back and ask them the question. If you suddenly got no job today, can you survive? They keep quiet. I will tell you upfront. I can. I got to where I am today by being frugal and I walk the talk. I don't just NATO.

Tried and tested last year. Best 6 months of my life. Only parents worried no job. But was living the FIRE life. Waking up without alarm and urgency. Going for daily walks in a mini forest park.

I'll answer your question that you ask those girls you met. In fact, someone asked me similar question 10 years ago, in 2014.

He asked me, "What's your plan B in life? If one day you can't work, how are you going to survive?"

I told him, "I believe God will have foreseen that so why should I worry? I just need to do what I can when I am still able to, and leave the rest to God."

He asked, "What if your God fails?"

I said, "Impossible. Only humans fail, not God."

The conversation ended this way.

*

Now, 10 years later, I can confidently answer the same question. This month is my 51st month without a full-time job, not consecutively but accumulated. I took 3 career breaks of more than one year each, in 2018-2019, 2021, 2022-2023...

because, for some reasons, I don't have career luck. The past 4 companies that I worked at had management issues that resulted in high staff turnover of 40%-80%. I was so sick of corporate garbage, I grilled those employers/mid-level managers for their management failures, escalated to the CEO/MD, and I resigned. I hate wasting time in toxic environments.

I took the leap of faith to do biz full-time... after working for 18 employers (full-time, part-time and freelance) in the last 15 years. I felt damn jaded and worn out; was an workaholic who pursued money, career success and social status-- which turned out to be highly unsatisfying.

For several times, I quit my jobs abruptly without months of savings, because I didn't care how I was gonna survive. Maybe because I'm a woman-- when I get fed up, I just don't care anymore. Maybe it's an Aries thingy-- I do what I want, and I get what I want.

During those career breaks in the past few years, I started my own biz; not one, but three. & I designed my biz models the way I wanted it to work--- to give me the freedom of time and mobility. I didn't need to worry about money, because I had a group of super rich biz friends and companies who would support me kaw-kaw, including government agencies. When my first biz was just launched, within several months, gov agencies were already paying for my flight, hotel and accommodation.

& I have strong biz luck. In my third biz, clients look for me. I did projects for SMEs and MNCs. Each project was in thousands, up to tens of thousands. When most people need a year to earn the same amount, I can earn in just several months. Just last year alone, I closed about 30 projects by myself. My biggest client was a Fortune 500 Global Top 40 foreign MNC. My other clients were in industry technology, franchises, importers, logistics, etc.

Then I got kinda tired of doing projects. So, I focused on my another biz this year. I joint-venture with another company that has strong network and resources. They looked for me first because they needed my expertise. Now, my JV partner is in China, to set up a subsidiary there. We're distributing our products to China soon, besides Malaysia, Korean and other countries in ASEAN, and some in EU. For the JV, it's a 50-50 split between me and them. I'm gearing towards building up passive income now, in multiple currencies.

The way I think and do things are quite unique, after having worked for about 50 companies, employment + projects in more than 10 industries... and I am just 35 years old.

To me, as long as I'm still breathing and my brain still functions, even if I'm physically disabled suddenly (touch wood), I'll get lots of insurance payout and I'll just continue to create wealth-- from a wheelchair or from bed. This is how chill (or fearless) I am.

I'm sharing all these to state that my pathway to financial freedom is not through FIRE, but through business success-- products, systems, automation. I excel in leveraging, bartering, and forming collaborations/JVs. For services, I hire people to do the job, and I earn from their hard work. I feel great creating jobs for people.

I have my own property, car, decent EPF savings, PRS funds, insurance and its regular payouts--- not too bad, for someone in her thirties. If I marry my ex, our family house is a bungalow, in millions. He's rich in SGD, so converted to MYR... hmm... nice.

I changed my own fate this way, by being highly educated, working hard, attracting higher-tier people into my life, doing biz, planning strategically... I didn't come from a rich family; quite the contrary. I hate being poor, so I worked my way out and up.

There's a term for it: lifestyle design.


*

You know, the truly wealthy don't save their way to wealth; they do business and investment, and they succeed in it. I'm sure you know the cashflow quadrant by Robert Kiyosaki. If you don't, look it up.

Challenge yourself to go beyond FIRE. To me, an employee that practises FIRE is still an employee-- their love staying in their comfort zone, their social circles and perspectives are still the same, and their money-making skills will always stay the same. Even if they start a biz after their early retirement... nah, I think it's just too risky for them to think about biz. Once you're stuck in a fixed mindset, it's hard to change it--- and this is a lurking danger in an ever-changing, fast-paced world.

Also, factoring in currency depreciation and inflation, RM500k today will probably be like RM100k twenty years later. To me, that's absurd. Imagine spending years of my life working my ass off, saving frugally and sacrificing pleasures, only to see it depreciated so much in my old age. This is not what I want. Years of youth spent on toiling... all wasted, not to mention that AI and automation tech + age factors will hinder one's opportunity to get hired. Basically, your chances of getting employed will decrease dramatically once you are age 40 and above.

With the same willpower and discipline, I'd rather build businesses in my peak years (age 30 onwards)-- money-making systems with people to do the job for me, while I can relax by the seaside or work from anywhere I want in the world. Heard of The Four-Hour Workweek by Tim Feriss? Yup, I practise it, and I'm halfway there at 35 y.o. That's why I'm YOLO and have so much time on this forum, thinking of hot dudes and going on dates with men.

By the time I'm 40... I'm pretty sure everything will be much established in my biz, and I can continue to YOLO until my old age. Once you have the winning advantage, you utilise it to the max and keep reaping the returns. If things change again in the future, then I will ride the new waves and create a new legacy.

Just exposing you to a different perspective or way of life. You might disagree--- which, I don't care frankly, because ultimately, you are responsible for your own life and your choices as an adult.

If you think all these stories are made up, I can assure that they're not. There are at least 10 people on this forum who know me in real life, so there's really not much point for me to fake things and be inconsistent with who I am. My life is just an unusual as it gets, and I'm fine with it.

Ah nice, going to grab my lunch. I woke up at 12 noon today. This is my lifestyle every day, and I like it.

Noob i woke up at 1pm today and im only 26

Yes, piggy.

Btw, si mangkuk just messaged me again...

Im not your piggy😾

If you're here in the UK, you'll gonna be my wife best friend I think.

That mother/harimau betina also same same stylo milo like you, not yet 12pm also won't wakeup. I even has to use Alexa to order the curtain to be opened and burn her buttock only she willing to wakeup and tutup that burns coming from window (waifu education very beri low, tatau alexa tutup langsir order)

But again, capable one doesn't lack of options. Because option comes, stays, goes, or wait to be kantoi caught. If one doesn't enjoyed what they do daily, naturally, all they collect is gas and chili padi.

Not everyone got your connection or network. I am one of those people. 90% of business fail. I read his book that is why invest for cash flow. Btw, yous are one of the lucky ones. Not everyone have your luck.

I do what I can with what I am serve. Yes no one gets rich via savings. I don't aim to get rich by savings. But you need savings to launch your investment or portfolio. Without extra money you can't invest or start business. For majority of people at least. They need to work first to get the money until the business or investment become self sustaining.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Sep 24 2024, 03:37 PM