To all the sifus in this forum, I have been around for some time and i realise a lot of you guys are very experienced and wise on a lot of issues with relationships. I am somewhat still young so i would like to hear some of your opinions and wisdom.

To husbands / long term mature boyfriends: Have you guys been around or experienced a situation where, your wives / gfs start earning a lot more than you (50% - 100% your salary more) and then start losing feelings for you? Maybe it can come in shape of being annoyed more with a particular trait that may never have been raised.

To wives / long term mature gfs: Honestly, would you feel or have you felt less attracted to your husbands and bfs if you start realising you do / can earn way more than your husband / bf?

Any comments and views are extremely welcome. Please let me know what you guys think of this type of situation.

as a man, i dont really care if my wife earning more than me, in fact, i welcome that because i am the sole breadwinner for my family now, the feeling when i see the bills and losing big chunks of income on the payday itself, o my

from what i can see, man likes woman who is less intimidating so even they at higher income they might not be attracted to woman in higher position, but woman is the other way round, when they earn more, meaning the chances they meeting even successful men are higher, and probably they will be more attracted to successful man than the less successful man?

u still a man..the wife / gf choose u because u r man who can guide or lead her ..women need that kind of man..money is not everything

In addition to the post description, maybe i would like to ask the sifus and experienced husbands / wives as well: Does respect play a part in any of the scenario? Do husbands find their wives start losing respect for them? For the wives: do you think you can respect your husband the same way as you'd respect your CEO?

ayam unker age. This is highly dependent on the character of the women and mostly on younger ones. The more younger ones ayam not sure.

when younger women who suddenly realize they earn much more in the middle of a relationship, got 50% chance will have issue. The income will mess with their head, they will thought its about money and simple life thing will turn to what you think i cannot afford this or do you think i need you to chip in ? The chances of cheating will go up as due to their social circle will change, they will start to crave the "freedom" Suddenly you will be blamed why the heck you work so hard earn so little, or why are you not trying at all or what are you doing in your life....etc you get the idea. Suddenly stupid thing is all your fault. Its a normal thing on younger women as they still havent come full circle on a lot of things in life.

For older women who is in their mid 30 to early 40, they have "seen" life more this is generally no issue. They just want care and love and a human being to share their life with. Important thing is you show effort.

Again this is highly dependent on the life view and attitude of the women itself. Some do still pretend they earn little income still crave your pat in the back, a hug and kisses and only want you exclusively to stick it in her pussy cat, while still spending her money on you. All you need to do is show effort back that's all they ask for, as it takes 2 to tango.

hypothetically
lets say if the husband is only earning rm2k, wife is rm10k on average, their lifestyle must be affected

or else,
if the husband earns 10k, and wife earns 30k
the range doesnt affect much

Good answer

ego stained if earn lesser than wife.
but now gender equality should change edi.
can accept everything, but deep down feel shame.
must earn more or find new wife that earn less. hehehe

Think positive.

It would be a good motivation for the husband or bf to self motivate in order to explore more streams of income that are aligned with the guy's learning ability and strengths.

It could be a good timing for self reflection where are the strengths of the wife or gf side that deserve to be ponder on.

Is it the way of deliverying emotional values to clients ?

Is it the efficient SOP routine and disciplined actions that are being followed ?

Is it the willingness to keep learning and practicing ?

More importantly, is it the thinking horizon that are of greater width and deeper scopes ?

And what are some solid action plans that could gradually move towards earning more....

When the wife cooking or washing or doing facial routine, her brain probably is thinking casually about some new ideas on how to fine-tune her job routine or business....

Just some examples.

It's the " values" exchanged between the couple, that make the relationship or marriage last longer than usual.

Values are aligned with personal self improvement , that is a life long task.




This post has been edited by Life_House: Aug 30 2024, 12:29 AM

uncle here.

personally i know a handful of men whose wife earn more than them, a lot more like at least 2x more.

it's not good for the male ego and let's be honest, if you are a woman who is earnings so much, you have to be pushy and bossy at work.

if you are a nice lady, you will never climb up the corporate ladder.

so you think you can home home and suddenly play the role of the submissive wife and let your HB be the alpha role at home.

Perhaps it's just my small circle of friends.

your partner may be different.

good luck son.

This post has been edited by cfa28: Aug 30 2024, 10:21 PM

Wife / GF earn more is not a problem.

The main problem is character of the person (MORAL)!

My real life experience. My wife. Poor family background from small town. Father is businessman, now bankrupt. Brother is scammer (money game, direct sales, coin, forex, investment, car sales....) Leader in school. STPM top student. Degree, Master n DBA (No 1 result in class but didnt complate.) UM student. Did you know how hard for Chinese in Malaysia to study in UM please!? Its superb hard! Now, she in pro industry. Dept head. Income near half million.

First, she fall in love with her uncle which are older 12 years. Beside that, this uncle is married with kid! She can stay in uncle house, even having xxx with uncle in uncle aunt bedroom. This uncle is a Dato. Pro industry also. MD in listed company. She still keep in touch with uncle.

After she meet me, I ask her stop all this non sense. Serious, I know its never stop.

Second, flirt around with another guy in office (Her Superior). Go travel together with him, let me know company trip.

Third, Flirt around with another guy who are same industry. Go travel together with him, let me know group of friend.

Forth, Flirt with supplier (IT).

Fifth, Flirt with another guy in office.

Sixth, Flirt with DBA classmate, XXX, Video, Photo. Married man with kid. Strongly believe her video n photo is online.

This is what I know!!!!

Me simple person. Poor family. Without education like her. Investment industry. Income up n down. I spend A to Z on her even I pay for her university fee.

Serious, life is about choice, no wrong no right, Just try to think who want suffer with you please!?

P/S: Most of her friend with same character.

This post has been edited by w19: Aug 31 2024, 10:56 AM

i know you must be malay if asking this question. chinese women never ever marry down, esp financially unless the fella got white skin (ive seen chinese women pay for their ang moh bf before).

but i personally know several malay couples where the woman is in upper managerial position and STILL have 3-5 kids with them. my team leader's husband is a driver at a hotel, still can have a wife making 10k+ and give him 3 kids. even if she regrets/feel bad, religion and having so many kids will anchor her down to her husband no matter what.

This post has been edited by YUNG_NIGGA_DRACO: Aug 31 2024, 07:49 AM

Not necessary about marry down.

It could be when first married they're about equal or he a bit higher than her. However, later she became more successful in her career or business than the husband.. The wife circle of friends and colleagues change, and she gets to meet more successful men of her level or higher.

This is probably a worse situation to be in for the husband, compared to the situation of a girl intentionally marrying down in the first place. A girl marrying down knows what she is getting into and is more accepting of the situation.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Aug 31 2024, 09:10 AM

So r u still together?

Divorce n stay together

Do my best for children......

It's really affect my children.....

Maybe u want to ask me why my relationship turn into bad shape! I will say because I'm idiot as I always believe "TRUST" is very important in relationship, that's why I choose to trust n never question. On other hand, I always think both party plan to go on, U need to accept all n forget pass. Beside that, my income is not stable turn this into worst. I'm in financial bad shape pass few years.

Last, my life experience let me know its not!!!! My advice to u all. 101% AVOID CHARACTER PROBLEM PERSON!!!!! Please stop to believe a person can change!!!! 101% very hard!!!! Smoker forever smoker. Gambler forever Gambler. Whore forever Whore. Bitch forever Bitch. Character problem is "CANCER"!

Divorce but staying together for kids 😔

Hopefully when your children grow up a bit you can get your freedom and your own path.

Im divorcee too..We waited for our kid to pass SPM to formalize it. 2 years before that we were already living separately as I chose to work at another city but will come back once a month.

Let me share some true fact about relationship!

Please don't try it if u not ready!!!!

Put in spy app into ur partner phone!!!!

Please get the software which can check all china app!!!!

A lot of cheater they will use china app as its can't be trace by most of app.

101% surprise!!!!!

Base on the info from my app seller, he say 80% of married person are cheat!!!!! Physical or Mental only!!!

im just assuming if the husband is too boring at home the wife will cheat sexually with a more exciting guy outside. It's just an inevitable situation esp we have been living in an enticing-left-and-right society

Ive been a player over 10 years have experienced different kinds of females. When you're in this arena of sexual marketplace, the more you're aware the more you can let go as a human being.

thats what the buddhism and taoism has taught me.

This post has been edited by -mystery-: Aug 31 2024, 02:06 PM

You have my deepest respect, chaps. And they say father's do shit. Damn it, father's are unsung heroes.

It’s okay that women earn more than the guys. My condo has quite a number of high corporate posts ladies. They are usually more capable and more bossy. More opinions. Their husband on the other hand usually provides emotional support and also take care of their kids more. But this doesn’t mean they are okay with husbands that slack la.

U can provide less monetary support to the family, but u need to provide more emotional support and simple do the chores haha

We are living 2024 already, women are equally powerful. Some men are having the “female” role in relationships.

Bro, "WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND"! Be ready for it!

I just another idiot!

kinda fucked up yall still living under the same roof, hope ur days become better and ur children too

Honestly, it will have -ve impacts.

1) The conflicts to choice of lifestyle will arise due to the earning gap.

2) One of the female”s weakness is they wants to feel proud of their choice of the life partner. I doubt the male earning less will make the female feel proud.

3) We are living in the judgemental society, the public words itself will be enough to gas up the conflict easily.

I know a few cases where the relationship was affected negatively.
1 classmate's wife started earning more, then it got into a negative spiral. She started being meaner to him and harping at him, and he started losing confidence, and focused on gaming to get away from her constant bitching, and ended up with ED. Says he hasn't had sex in years.

2 relatives' marriages ended as well when the wife outstripped the husband's salary.

For me, when I got married, I think her salary was about 80% more than mine. My wife isn't materialistic, so it wasn't an issue. She even offered to pay a higher portion of bills, loans, etc.

I think the most important part is the character of the partner.

May I ask, how long have you guys been together? Maybe you can share a bit more about how you both managed your conflicts or how you both approach your marriage? Thanks

Married for 10 years now. We seldom have conflicts and always manage to talk things out. One of the reasons I married her. Had previous experience with ex-gfs where they get emotional and angry instead of trying to resolve or act proactively.

10k 30k no diff?
i would say only if it's 100k and 300k then no diff...
or mainimum 50k, 150k

When I was a doctor in the service (in Singapore) and still taking specialist exams, waifu made heaps more as she was an accountant with one of the big four companies (also in Singapore - we both pendatang'ed across the Causeway almost as soon as we graduated). She continued to climb up the corporate ladder while I continued to slave away in the public sector until I cleared all my exams (that took nearly 10 years, from 1st paper until all exit papers were completed). She took care of the bulk of the expenses.

Of course, things are different now, she took early retirement last year and I'm the one left holding the fort - so in our case, it was fair: early days, I took shelter under her umbrage (the original meaning, not the new mistranslation), while she's now enjoying the fruits of her labour in the form of a grateful husband who became a success in the latter years in no small part due to her hard work in taking care of the finances and freeing his time and mind and energy to pursue his studies.

So, even if it's $500,000 or even a million per month difference, I say stick with it - because we did it, and we're more successful together as a couple than we could have been apart and alone.

oh i'm not questioning that a couple should stick together.. fully agree
just disagreeing that a 2k and 10k has a diff, but 10k, and 50k has not diff

OIC, thanks for your clarification.

as a man we are so called " head of family" regardless earn more or not doesnt matter.. most important is not to lose your job / income. unker been thru this and its sucks.. sorry had to use the language.. trust me however faithful your wifey is ( 10 yrs marriage/ 15 yrs marriage, 30 yrs marriage) if really no income as a man the woman will leave you unless she herself also no value la... seriously no joke!! just sharing its a life experience

true true

Bro r u still a dr now?
can i dm you? wanna ask you something personal

I am going to be unemployed in 4 months' time ... if you want to PM me, by all means, and I'll try to answer what I can.

oh god.. what happen?

I’ve decided (after a lot of soul searching) to retire early

Retire completely or partially with part time consulting work ?

wow! have a happy retirement. god bless you and ur wife

Part time consulting work, probably no more than a couple of days per week ... this is to keep my mind sharp and stave off dementia for as long as I can ...

Make sure to blow a few hours per week (or day) on LYN forum
That'll keep the mind active as well.
Happy retirement and all the best, you are a true gentleman !

Thank you kind sir!

101% agree!!!!!!!

The law of hypergamy - a woman who thinks she is attractive will seek to date up and find a man of a higher value than her. Income plays a significant role in her value assessment.

So if she chooses a guy who makes half of what she makes, she might eventually see that as settling for less and not fully optimizing her own value in the dating marketplace.

Alternately, a man who makes half of what she makes might also feel he loses his sense of authority or leadership in the relationship due to his financial position, which is usually viewed negatively by society.

For a relationship in which the income disparity heavily favours the woman to work, the man must have some other overwhelmingly redeeming qualities to overcome the law of hypergamy.

Borrowing your reply to express some thought on the decision making + observations taking place lately.

***

1) You yourself being a doctor in service makes a different. Profession like doctor is highly looked upon traditionally & it "promises" a boundless future prospect. Hence, it would not be difficult decision to be made by your wife, to stack all on you while watching you to develop. If not a doctor, a profession like a lawyer, architect, accountant, etc may have the same effect. What if you are not in the line with boundless prospect traditionally ? It is easier to make decision in life if there were proven examples from the previous generation. What if the field you in, there was no known success record, would the wife decision making still be the same ? I believe this part somehow will have significant influence on the her decision making.

2) The intellectual level of your wife also plays important role. Her, being the top student during the pre-u time + both of you enrolled into the same university, it is no surprise that she already attained certain level of wisdom to make the calculated risk decision.

If not a doctor, then what else she wanted to "exchange" it with? Wise ppl will only take risk if the risk reward is way significant. Risking it for a lawyer? an accountant ? an architect etc. is it worth the risk to "exchange" or it is a waste of time? Hence, eventually sticking to the doctor candidate seems to most rationale. Had she was not from the "intellectual" capable category, the past observations from the previous generation would have lead it to the same decision - stick to the doctor.

3) The "action" that the doctor already sitting for the specialist examinations back then carry a significant weightage. Many ppl discuss & talk about their plan but never executed the plan. In the end ,nothing progress.

Whereas, the ppl who execute their imperfect plan (fails , try again) will eventually reach their new milestone. Just like the smartphone - just launched the version 1.0 even though with bugs or defects , improvise it on the version 2.0, 3.0, 4.0 ,etc along the way. This should be adapted to the way of living. Start living, not waiting for the perfection.

Then ppl will say, it is easy to say if you are the doctor or professional with prospects, what if we belong not to the professional field ? There were these the interesting encounters I met by chance over the time ( around 9~10 real life cases).

The most recent one, a school dropout, became the hairstylists at the age of 18 y.o by moving from the small town to KL. From a hairstylist job, he ventured into fashion/garment business because his then gf ( now his wife) feeling heartache seeing him suffering for skipping the lunch & dinner just to ensure his customer's hair was done. He then became rich & made his $$ from the fashion/garment business ( leveraging by expansion). However, the good time do not last forever. The e-commerce revolution thing caught him unprepared. From the millions he made previously, he ran into debts, owing his suppliers money & loan sharks. He didn't gave up his fate, he faced the obstacles. Slowly, he regained his foot again, cleared his debts. Now he is the co-owners(with his wife) a real estate agency hiring 50~60 real estate agents.

There are more than 1 of such real life stories, each of them are showing a common trait - they displayed the " rich people attitude". It just that the frequency of meeting such ppl is getting more frequent, I just think such observation need to be posted.

***
For the girls - if you manage to find the candidate that keep standing up on their foot up even though he got beaten badly over & over = action displaying this "rich people attitude". Stick to this kind of candidate before they get mature because this will the auto self-upgrading smart phone which will relaunch themselves over the times, version 1.0, 2.0,3.0…16.0 , etc. It is matter of time they will reach the "rich" state. The life journey from version 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, till version 16.0 etc will be so "rich" and envied by most ppl. This type of people values " the charcoal sent to them during the winter".

If you are targeting the rich candidate + quality candidate - which is very rare to be available / single (unless his previous SO passed away due to illness / unfortunate incident), you will never be able to enter the deepest region in their heart for the "absolute submission". Over the time, ppl gained wisdom & will question the motive/intention. That's why it is harder for the older ppl to make new friends.

***
To the TS - you want to address the issue about the salary different with gf/wife, you need to move yourself to this self-upgrading smart phone sector. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".

***
To the doc, having a clear path in life is a blessing by Heaven - your path is the example/ benchmark for many. Too many choices in the life sometime can become a misfortune as it will become a distraction.

disclaimer - purely for the idea & thought, nothing on personal level.

hmm.. flirt with IT supplier?? oh gosh.. is that your wife? hmm... not saying anything i think i know who liao

My wife earns more.

So I left my job to jaga baby

Wow! So much wisdom in one reply. Thanks for taking the time! Very insightful and useful to learn. Thanks!

For real? How's life as househusband?

Jaga baby is a lot of work

My wife was h.wife for more than 10yrs while am breadwinner.

Somehow, there is time where could not cope with high living cost.

Kids growing, edu fee also growing.

Vehicle also not anymore from point A to B. It's more toward safety & comfort of family

Food that consume not about nutrition & fill the hunger, but add on about tastyness & ig'able.

Esp after covid, perception about life changed.

With ventured into insurance industry, her take home pay escalated >1-2x than mine

Off course felt about less alpha nowadays

As equal or as feminist any woman portray, from experience they are likely to respect men who are more capable then her. All these are biologically ingrained, nothing wrong with that though. Despite all the empowerment, nearly all expect their men to handle the bills plus the hard labor part as any man should.

Though not the norm, imagine you guys had been paying all bills 50:50 and one day you guys had an argument and she blurted that she is the man of the house, how would you feel?

This post has been edited by MishimaZ: Oct 24 2024, 09:38 AM