I am happily married, almost 10 years, don't understand why some people have to cheat?

If you really think it feels better to be with someone else, then just break up/divorce first, then you can be with someone else with no issue, right?

Why secretly cheat, sometimes for many years too? What is the logic?

Want to experience different feel with many partners at the same time? Don't be in a relationship then, just be a "player" with other consensual "players", nobody gets hurt and you can enjoy as many different partners as you want.

Or if want to be in "open" relationship, get your partner's consent first, then can date whoever you want, don't cheat after your partner rejected your "open" preference, just break up or divorce first, find someone else that shares your open idea, easy right?

I really don't understand the psychology of cheaters, makes no sense.

After exposed, they beg for forgiveness, cry like children.

Cheaters with kids even worse, why hurt your whole family like that? Just divorce first, say you no longer feel the same way, then date whoever you want, as long as you take care of your kids afterward.

Sometimes both have kids, still cheat with each other, ruin two families at same time, wtf?

I cannot understand these people, no logic at all.

Maybe it's like drug addiction, cannot stop once started, brain and body out of control?

This post has been edited by adonhhk: Aug 5 2024, 11:51 PM

some married women still rely on their husband for financial help and cannot cut the tie right away, ive also met some successful carrier women who already had their child raised up to primary school, when the stress is lessened they tend to come out find some alpha seeds to be impregnated

thats dilemma of modern women
they are not able to find alpha and beta qualities (complete package) on the same guy, and even though they are able to find that horse prince, usually he aint gonna settle down earlier before her eggs dried up

That sounds sexist and made up, no offense.

reality of life bro, only the better genes will survive longer
women can work, money is not a primary factor that can get attention (solely) anymore

Is a guy going to cheong considered cheating?

Base on my life experience the problem come from character or money!

What sort of character and money from who?

Character - Bitch, Gold digger, Lazy, Materialistic, Mistress, Uneducated, Vanity.....

This post has been edited by w19: Aug 8 2024, 12:05 PM

Think about this part: you typically need to get to know someone good enough to know that you WANT to be with that person. I'd bet most cheaters don't realise they're cheating until it's too late, already invested, FELL in love...

Anyway, short answer: human is not perfect, and we all seek something from our relationships, be it romance or friendship. You cross the line* the moment you seek something elsewhere your partner disagrees with. *That line is usually agreed by both parties.

Esther Perel is a professional/expert in this topic, you can find in YouTube.


I'd love to talk more but lazy to write haha...

to me its pure chance and willingness of the other party to participate although they knew the other person is married...

Men or women? Men totally not to blame?

How can you not know you are cheating? Having feeling is one thing, but to actively pursue it and "pairing" with another, behind your partner's back, is not exactly an "accident".

How to justify?


How to justify though? You still need to actively engage in the cheating, it's not an accident, chance or not.

TS, try answering this question.

Regardless of your answer above, you WILL get disagreement from someone right here in this forum. That's the thing about being human, everyone has different "lines".

Are you fine with your wife going on meals with male friend(s)? Or the other way around, is she ok with you hanging out with female friend(s)? If ok, what about 1:1? Dinner? Weekend? Sleepover at other's house? What if alcohol is involved?

Some people would've said NO cannot hangout regardless of group or 1:1, but some are even okay for them to be physically intimate with others (open relationships). Think about your own boundaries, then discuss with your wife to understand hers. If you find disagreements there, you might end up arguing because, "who knows you already crossed her line unknowingly?!" Yeah that's basically "cheating".

I think you are fixated on the later part of cheating i.e. after the fact that one already fell for another and gives in to the instant gratification of short flings. It doesn't happen overnight and it's not always done by a serial cheater (that's also why there are many cases where one forgives the other and they remain committed as spouses).

This post has been edited by Takudan: Aug 9 2024, 10:14 PM

Most of male will cheat because its free! Serious, if male want to pay, they will pay it from the start! Beside that, whore is every where! Did you know most of playboy like to play other wife or gf because they know once thing burst or after sometime, she will back to family or bf. This is so call enjoy while we can.

How many girl sleep with superior please!?

Did you know mistress do it free in early stage please!?

To all dumb girl,

May I know what did you get when you sit inside a flash car please!?

May I know what did you get when you stay in a flash house please!?

May I know what did you get when you out with someone superior please!?

Serious, if you dont get something for what you do, 101% you are idiot!

My advice to all female, a man refuse to spend on you. Please end it.

Im very sorry I dont value dream, story, talk n so on. Please forgive me. I always love math & science.

Biologically, men are not programmed to be monogamous.

But, we are civilized and have been Christeo-Judeo-AMDK brainwashed with Victorian values (back when the British Empire shat on more than a quarter of the known world) to rise above our base instincts and be loyal and faithful to one partner.

For those who find that their moral values align, then good for them and may they find happiness long in their marriages.

For those whose biological drive strain and push against the boundaries of civic morality and societal norms, then my commiserations.

It is what it is.

Its not just morals that hold man back.

The brain also produce some chemicals that encourage fidelity, namely oxytoxon and seratonin. These chemicals are boosted during periods of intimacy. One of the side effects apparently is that when the levels are high, we find other women less attractive.

Good explanation

When intimacy goes away, usually so will fidelity.

But of course there are exceptions and outliers.

Again, to dissect and discern further, intimacy can be further divided into physical, emotional, mental & spiritual forms - and each subcategory will offer its own neurochemicals to batten the hatches and tie one down securely, or lack thereof to allow a free kite to fly free.

If I can share my point of view:
Yes without knowledge and approval of partner, he is physically cheating even though no feeling

Cheat could be for few reason.

1. Lust (if you quietly go spa, texting or fling but nothing serious with intention to sleep with the person)

2. Money (If as a guy or girl attracted by money, wealth, gift or sense of financial security which suits her lifestyle or expectation)

3. Attention (Feeling wanted, feeling adore, feeling loved which not so sure will last how long or what is the actual motive)

4. Other advantage (Normally happen in work environment or business which to trade sex or fling to obtain deal, contract or promotion)

5. Pure Bitch (Girl / Guy who feel challenged or attracted to steal or take someone elses partner

6. Power but Coward (Act so good husband, loving father but the other dark side of him date or do something which 180 degree from his daily image)

7. Fairy tale & Imagination (Watching to much movie (K-drama, Porn, etc or imagining their perfect version of partner and keep on finding it without considering the consequences)

8. Pure Stupid (Simply because the person stupid, e.g: fall in love with online scammer until trsf money)

9. Trapped in situation (purposely trap partner treat the person and purposely lead him/her to cheat because taking things for granted, abuse mental & physical, etc)

10. Real Love & Fated (It is fated and it is the better partner, normally this will lead with divorce but the initial started while still in relationship so consider cheat)

If u r not why u bother to understand

Maybe he wish to prevent it to happen to himself or people around him.

Maybe he’s asking because he wants to justify a future action?

85% percent reason for cheating is sex life. Like not having sex for a month.

Why people cheat according to divorce lawyer.
I can't post link, on probation, go search on youtube:
The Divorce Expert: 86% Of People Who Divorce Remarry! Why Sex Is Causing Divorces!

why do people cheat cuz nobody perfect in this world

Will sexual preferences encourage ppl to cheat? Like if both partners' sexual preferences don't align? Like some ppl like to slowly sensually start with 4play while some when they are ready, just want to "poke". Will that be the cause of cheating / failure in a relationship?

If person is unsatisfied sexually, then yeah, quite possible.

Again, this boils down (for the most part) to biology. The female species is often "slower" to warm up, while the male species' primary aim is to sow as many oats as possible.

People cheat for a variety of reasons.

Maybe they are lacking intimacy in their relationship and looking for an escape
Maybe they are just horny and can't keep their pants on
Maybe they are just bored and looking for a thrill
Maybe just because they can
etc. etc.

Ultimately, people cheat because of selfish reasons, even if it could be justified. If the base value of the action is selfishness, why would they behave in a way that is moral and selfless? Would it be logical and rational to conclude that a selfish person will break up first before getting their rocks off? No, they'll maintain the benefit of the relationship while getting extra from the affair.

relationships are complicated. Sometimes marriage partners withhold intimacy from their significant others, and love is lost. Sometimes partner can claim no more feeling and no priority for the other partner, and divorce is not mutual.
All these just makes it easier to justify finding sexual intimacy outside.

This post has been edited by VinluV: Sep 15 2024, 12:12 AM

Wayang saja
a salesperson wants your money but pretends to be friendly in front of you thats just a typical scenario

Hi

Cheating is a choice.

You could always come clean

And do it the proper way

But instead....

Probably afraid of losing what they are having at the moment.

Losing a spouse, a family etc.




This post has been edited by Chastain: Sep 19 2024, 02:27 AM

Stress in life

Curhat 😆😆😆😆😆

Dont like that... I'm trying to give good life advise from my mistakes and at the same time earn 1 more star.

2 stars look noob

What mistake ?marry wrong women?

Immature in relationship

so now divorce?. You divorce her or vice versa. Immature very subjective and broad. What you mean. Share more bro. Ngapain hambar begitu balasnya

This post has been edited by kesvani: Oct 13 2024, 08:37 PM

No la. I mean now I sharing my knowledge and lesson learnt from my past immature mistakes

So cannot restart again?We almost same age leh if not mistaken. What mistake. If both of you still together then its not a mistake

No la. I mean my mistakes that cussed me breakup my past relationships.

Now stable with wife. But still need improvement

1) Some people when become very rich and successful, start drive ferrari and show off with rolex, lots of women will be attracted to them. So when they are atas status, they think they can do anything without consider the consequences.

2) Some people think the grass is greenier on other side. They become unrealistic expectations, thinkking they can find someone better than their wife.

3) Some people let looks deceive them, younger and prettier.

4) Some people take the most easy way to cheat their wives, go for pub and spend time with GRO even have one night stand with them. Some men believe that it is their right to have that one night stand then go back to their wives.

Can only say based on experience being cheated and also a cheater at some point of life. Men can only cheat when he has options, while women can cheat anytime with little repercussions. But that not necessary mean the cheater are not committing to other scopes of relationship, especially in marriages like providing to their kids etc.

Also, men tend to chase after physical connection which is easily severed but women tend to gravitate emotionally which is much harder to remove. Hence, there are reasons men tend to come back to their partners and carrying duties as normal, but women will show obvious signs of disconnecting physically and emotionally to their current partners. Its just simple biology why both genders react differently.

Affairs generally don't last long (like years) as chances to be exposed goes up over time but for those that really did, likely has both sides really have senseless partners that simply do not bother on their changes; and when people had committed emotionally to the affair. Those kind of committed affairs usually destroy marriages and have worse after effects on children.

This post has been edited by MishimaZ: Oct 24 2024, 11:12 AM

cuz nobody's perfect

No shit Sherlock