Hello everyone, I'm looking for some advice. I met a girl online through a dating app, and we've been chatting on and off (once or twice a week). I've asked her out twice—once for lunch and another time for a movie. Lunch went alright, but the movie felt awkward. I want to take our relationship further. Should I keep asking her out until the awkwardness fades, or should I ask her directly if she has any feelings for me?

Slow slow man....dont be seen as pushy.....Just ask for weekly meetups....from there you can gauge the temperature of the relationship.

Why do you think the movie felt awkward? Who did what, what kind of awkwardness, how did you know, please elaborate.

Bold part: framing the question that puts her on the spot doesn't sound good to me; instead of asking her to admit her feelings, consider expressing your own instead:
1. You can control how you want to express -- your relationship is still in early stages, so a straight out I LOVE YOU would be too heavy for an almost-stranger to take. Typically something like "I am interested to get to know you better as a woman" is already very clear that you're invested, and it doesn't force them to respond another heavy one like "I LOVE YOU TOO".
2. You put yourself on a vulnerable spot and that takes courage, generally ladies would appreciate that.
3. You learn to take rejections... Process and reflect then move on, so you can build your confidence with each rejection, along the lines of, "I've been through worse, this is nothing" or "ah this sucks, but I've tried"

HOWEVER, all this is definitely big no no if you're convinced things are awkward right now -- everything has timing... Any interest she has towards you can be instantly thrown out of the window if you do it wrong.

the movie doesnt feel awkward, its YOU who feels awkward the girl will probably feel as just the emotion as you

you dont need to ask her out to make the feeling fades because the girl will not see or block you afterwards

Our deepest insecurities often bubbles to the surface whenever we put our heart out on the line, or wear it on our sleeves for the other party to see (and hopefully not mock or recoil in horror). What you felt is a normal part of the gamut of emotions, especially since it's quite obvious that you're interested in the other party, and therefore have substantially more to lose.

If I were in your position (and thankfully I'm not), I would probably give it a short break before calling or texting or whatever it is you guys do nowadays, the girl again and just chit chat normally.

There's no need to mention about the awkwardness you felt during that movie (unless of course you tried to do something stupid like put your arm around her shoulder or run your hand up her thigh!!!!), and you can focus on making new experiences with her that may leave both of you with more positive feelings.

Good luck!

This post has been edited by hksgmy: Jul 1 2024, 09:19 PM

I mean the whole watching movie experience is awkward, we just watch silently then go back haha.
1. Definitely not going to say "I LOVE YOU" I am not in LOVE, what I meant is what I am interested in her should I express it or should I ask her out more so that we get comfortable when we stay together, sorry for the misunderstanding.
2.
3. Ya that what i think too...

ya I know is not about the movie...

I didnt do anything stupid and ya I think I will just let it pass try next time haha.

No need to admit.

Men show interest by our actions.The fact that u take her our for movie already showed u are interested in her. Are u in the habit of taking people u dont like to movies with u? Dont have to say it.

Anyway, taking girls out for movies when u havent breached the physical barrier is usually a bad idea. U messed up there.

Now going forward, I think just go out normal, if you still can. Nothing fancy but preferably interesting/engaging that both of u can enjoy.

And break the physical barrier! If u cant then better call it quits as that is going the friendzone way.





.

hope u don't mind me asking.....
how many ladies already have u dated thus far?

the reason i'm asking this is ........well.....normally one would generally have a slight perception after a few dates, but you're immediately jumping the gun after two. She must be quite the hottie
I get it, you're super excited she's in your......grasp, sorry for the lack of a better word, vocab karat, neway, normally it's wayyyy too early to take things to the next level (dating to serious r/ship) from just meeting twice

suspect you wanna "book" her quickly before someone else does - it's normal to do this

some men love the hunt - mostly typical playboys with too much on their plate
others get goosebumps in these sort of situation - jatuh tergolek with the lady type

wish you well on your quest TS

From my question, you can probably tell I'm a bit new to this. I don't have much experience in dating, and I think my thread's title is causing some misunderstanding. What I want to know is how to smoothly proceed from dating to a relationship, not to jump directly, haha.

We did chat for a few months, though not every day (once or twice a week). I found her interesting, which is why I asked her out. She looks quite good, but "booking" her is not my intention. It would be great if we could move into a serious relationship, but if it doesn't work out, that's alright too. Right now, I just want to get to know her better and let her know me more. After that awkward experience, I'm trying to figure out how to keep things flowing smoothly.

I am neither, just trying to learn through the experience

Some of the replies above provided good advice. I'll just try to act normal and do better next time if there is one. It's a new experience for me, haha.

https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1111256
read this first

and do NOT confess

go for activities where you can hold her hands (such as hiking, crossing the road, climbing activities, taking a walk by the beach). This gives you the natural excuse to hold her hands.

You will proceed smoothly from there once you hold her hands.

again, do NOT confess.

Hey no worries. Sounds like the awkwardness wasn't really a big deal, I think it's fine to just admit the movie date didn't go well, can even joke about how bad it was and all. If she's receptive of your chat then you can ask for another try at lunch date or something, find somewhere cozy where you can talk and chill.

As for breaking physical barrier: personally for me, I'm slow to warm up so too early would likely scare me away. I'm sure there's a spectrum and I might be on a far end, you'll just have to find that out what may work for her by observing her in person. If she touches you herself then I think that's a positive sign.

Just be normal, chat with her as usual online.
Ask her out to do activities, i.e. trekking, makan-makan, park, sports, etc.
Don't need to rush things. The fact that she is willing to go out with you means she is interested to find out more about you too.
And also it gives you opportunity to find out more about her, and see if both of you suitable for each other, it's a 2-way street.

When the time is right after a few more dates, tell her your feelings. You will know what to say by then, follow your heart.

Hey, what makes you think it was awkward in the movie?
as in no talk and just watch the movie in silence? Isn't that what usually people do?
Actually if you know what kind of movie that she likes, you can watch that kind of movie with her. Then share your opinions and thoughts about it with her. Can ask for her opinions and comments too.

What about the lunch though? How was it? No awkward silence in between? Just constant chatting and asking questions and answering back and forth?

I saw in your replies that you guys have been chatting for months, so how has that been coming along? Was it all small talk or did you manage to learn anything about her?
Example what does she like to eat, like to do, places she wanna go and explore. Maybe instead of the movies, you can come up with sentences like 'Hey, I saw this xx place on TikTok or XHS, seems interesting. You said you like this kind of place right? Would you wanna go with me?"

Can try bringing her to zoo negara too maybe? If she likes animals and never been there before. You also can prepare a small portable fan, a bottle of water for her, some light food and an umbrella to use when you're there. It may show that you're thoughtful and caring also. But this really needs to come from within yourself. Not just for that day and then after she really becomes your girlfriend and you're not doing it anymore.

As for the bold part, I think it's too soon la. Afterall it has only been 2 outings. Maybe you can ask her whether does she feel there's any awkwardness between the both of you? Just don't ask about the feelings yet.

thread starter MIA

You got 2 ways
1. Hold her hands when you feel time is right (some girls hate it, some girls like it)

2. Talk to her and say hey we have been seeing each other for quite a while (not 2 dates). Make it at least 10 dates or 6 months then do this. Again some girls like it, some hate it.

Nice tread

No la, I have other stuff to do man

Excellent to know that you are still carrying on as per normal with life. I obviously can’t speak for every woman, but I know for a fact that my wife would appreciate a man’s ability to carry on with life as per usual in the face of setbacks or adversity.

There are some who would put their lives on hold over a perceived setback in love, and to my wife, that’s a huge turn off. There’s always the question then of how will a man be able to handle important things and make crucial decisions in life, in the face of disaster and calamity, if he can’t even function properly at the first hint of a setback in love.

Info from top play boy in Malaysia!

You must have clean look, flash address, flash car then try......

1. Touch arm
2. Hold hand
3. Cuddle
4. Breast Orgasms
5. XXX

Girl (In relationship) = Idiot. If you think they are smart, very sorry to let you know you are idiot.

I went out with a girl around 6 times without any further action, she texted me saying that she has no feeling for me a while after the sixth date

Therefore I would recommend holding hands etc in the third or fourth date

This post has been edited by somewhataut: Jul 3 2024, 01:33 PM

Never ask her whether she has feelings on you lol, this is a very beta move and 99% you will screw up your chance. Just be cool and chill when u hang out. Treat her like a normal friend, make her laugh, and slowly become more intimate and physical. Things will happen naturally without feeling forced if she's into you. Mind you, you need to have a clear indication within 3 dates. Anything longer than that means you're being friendzoned. No point having further dates because she's just trying to use you for company.

What did you all do for all the six dates? Just eat and chat?

It's alright, a bit of silent moment but at least it goes smoothly

Good point should have show more caring.

If you are having a meal with a male friend and he taps your arm and ask you to pass the menu to him..will u be scared? What about a gentle elbow nudge? Or your knees or feet accidentally brushing his under the table?

Thats how I first break physical barrier with a girl. Not very scary to the girl I think.

Eat chat, went to touristy places

Ahh, small "accidental" gestures are fine. What I had in my mind was an incident where I met someone I barely knew at a public function, we sat down and talked, and he proceeded to touch my thigh like holding for way too many seconds, and it was very uncomfortable to me. I was frozen in fear in that moment, but it's been so long, so it's not something I'd make a fuss anymore.. just that the fear is etched in my mind.

To many, I may be overreacting for a simple touch like that... But I wouldn't want any awkward sincere guy looking for love to be mistakenly taken for a pervert lol. So just saying this that if you wanna create accidental touches, that's fine until she realises you're faking it. If you're too nervous to be natural, then it means you yourself aren't ready to break the barrier.

That’s sexual harassment in my book

Thats guy was a creep and a fail.

I recommend old school approach of gradual escalation.

Accidental touches first
Then Intentional but innocent touches
Only then can go for more intimate touch

Precondition is that the date must be going well and the girl is comfortable.

Most males of teenage years and some even into their early 20s will find it hard to keep their eyes and hands to themselves… blame biology and hundreds of thousands of years of evolution.

I actually think its the opposite.

Many young men are too scared to initiate touch with girls. Can see also from the many posts in this forum. Go out for for umpteenth times with a girl and nothing happened.

In their mind its the fear that if I touch her and she thinks its creepy, she wont want to see me again.

Perhaps, I guess. Things might have changed heaps since my time. My peers all used to say the same thing about their daughters… oh please don’t let karma dictate they (the daughters) end up with a boy like themselves in the past hahahaha

"Our" time u mean? 🤣 since Im also.your peer.

Main difference I think is the prevalance of social media. Social media makes the dating market far more competitve and has created higher/unreasonable standards.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jul 6 2024, 09:40 AM

Hahah... sorry bro, I keep thinking you're much younger than me!

Bro, girl very simple! She like you, all OK!!!!!

But if she don’t like you then GGWP …. Hashtag MeToo and all the feminazi woke shit will be dumped on you

Dont worry, many ladies think that way too 😉

Ah… the man has spoken hahaha.

U should do ur worst and get hurt only then u will know how the process through some experience of failure and also YouTube videos, not just purely pua and stuffs, but those mindset type videos, just that you have to not fear the first rejection, so just do whatever u wish and want to do and learn from it, heartache is inevitable

Indeed. What doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger

let it happen naturally , after awhile maybe no need ask you already know your status, are you scared to lose her

Let's hear from TS to see if there's any update on the status?

Things aren't getting worse, but they're not getting any better either. We chat from time to time, and every time, I'm the one starting the conversations and trying to keep them going smoothly. However, I feel like she's not really that interested, so maybe its time for me to move on. I don't want to act like some desperate guy who keeps chatting even when she's not interested.

Sounds like feelings are degrading due to not initiating physical contact.
You can try to save it by holding her hands next outing. Be a man.. there is nothing to lose by being bold.. in fact quite the opposite.

This is just my interpretation of the situation, as you've described and shared with us... bro, I think you're reading it correctly: that she's not really interested and is just trying to maintain a good/harmonious working/professional relationship.

The fact that you've taken the effort and time to share your thoughts with us is a good sign that you're NOT desperate and NOT trying to see something that isn't there - I reckon the best move forward is to remain professional colleagues, for now, and see where that takes you naturally in the course of work.

Bro

Its not getting better because nothing interesting is happening or has happened.

And let me guess your conversation is u asking her what shes up to?

Erm I am not the office relation ts haha, she's not my colleagues

Ah, sorry, sorry ... my mistake.

that's true

Usually, we talk about various topics, and during the conversation, I ask how she's been recently, I will end the conversation if I feel that she's not really interested.
I take it as friend relation now, so i do what friends do.

Things happened naturally

When you try to engineer a relationship. Usually it won't be sustainable

Time will tell if both of you share same or similar mindset/frequency in life

This post has been edited by lopo90: Jul 14 2024, 12:38 PM

Dis u manage to go out with her since the movie date?

Haven't asked since then... planning to ask again soon. Any good suggestions?

Good luck and keep us posted!

"How are you" is a terrible question to a stranger because if I (as the recipient) know it's a courtesy question from you, and I don't care about you (yet).

Honestly, I don't ask that question to a friend on text chat. Even in person, I'd ask if I haven't met that person in a while but for a stranger, I'd say there are better things to ask. I think, for someone to be on dating app, chances are the person isn't having a shitty life (at least free enough to care about looking for a partner) -- you won't be getting any plot twist level of answer.

Does she/you drink? If yes, will.make things easier.

Unker like me prefer comfort and chill.

For eg I will go for italian dinner, and after dinner move venue to a nearby comfy bar, like a whisky bar and just chill n chat. The risk here is crickets, those awkward silence moments. You can manage this by having the right frame of mind and being very relaxed.

Another alternative is u can do the happening route, like going to those small packed speakeasy bars or a club. This solves the cricket problem as the two of u will be people watching. It has the advantage of being forced to be close to talk to each other and gives a lot of chance to hold her hand.

Or you can do the adventurous things like hiking as some suggest here.

Up to you.

Whatever it is, u need to break the touch barrier.

Wow... *furiously taking notes* ... pearls of wisdom right there bro.

But, can I just kaypoh and ask... did you mean the above before you were married, or do you still do the above with your waifu now that you are? (Assuming you're married), or (scandalously so), are you doing the above with fresh fish?

No bro..I sadly found myself divorced in my mid 40s and made the decision not to be foreveralone. Hence I started dating again. I also decided that its no point to go for women my age and went for women between 25-35.

I like your attitude. Divorce is not a death sentence, but can be a fresh start for survivors

Not a death sentence, but a big fine 😆

Yeah. I feel your pain bro. I feel your pain.

My only consolation is that, should my marriage ever goes irreparably kaput, she has her own wealth and the judge will be sympathetic and merciful hahaha

Come out few more times see the girl ghost you or not then you know your answer

How is ts now, any updates?

maybe spend more time together. like sports or movies.

Well said plus be straightforward to your partner, tell what you feel etc

Where are you. Why suddenly dissapear